Feeling depressed over my weight :(

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champion818
champion818 Posts: 65 Member
edited July 2018 in Motivation and Support
I apologize for the triggering title of this post , but frankly I currently feel those two things. I cant stand to look at myself anymore . I feel so helpless and trapped within my body . I always seem to fail at loosing weight no matter what I try to do . I'm not saying this because I have gone off track , because actually I have not . I have stuck to my 1,700 calories for over a month and lost 15 pounds, but that doesnt make me happy at all . Loosing those 15 pounds made me realize how much of a failure I have become . Why you may ask ? Because I was at 219 my lowest I could remember in 2016 and now fast forward 2 years later I reached my all time high of 305 and managed to go down to 290 . I dont think of the 15 pounds as a victory because ive created such a mess for myself . Nothing in my closet fits anymore , I ignore friends because im embarrassed of my weight . I have no support from anyone in my family . No body understands my suffering because my whole family is healthy and has no weight issues . I feel like the outcast obese excuse in the family who causes such a burden . I dont even want to countinue my university studies or my hotel job anymore because i dont feel like being here anymore . I dont want to suffer being fat . Ive tried and failed , tried and failed , and now im trying again , but i have not failed yet . Just the thought of not being able to loose this weight and be healthy KILLS me inside . My body hurts everyday , i stopped getting periods , my legs cramp , i cant run like i used too . I outgrew the plus size section in Forever 21 and that is a low for me . I considered doing weight loss surgery but everyone talked me out of it and said it was not a good idea since im so young and i dont disagree , but being almost 300 pounds at 20 is so scary and low for me . I just dont know what to do .. i feel like a waste of space . When I had my surgery yesterday for dental reasons , i wished i wouldnt wake up and when i did i just started sobbing in tears because the pain of my life and how I have let my self become this monster of a human is unberable . I dont want to sound like im complaining , i just have no one in my life to talk to about this . I feel like if i dont get help soon something bad will happen to me because i feel like ive reached my end

Replies

  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
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    Being overweight can be very depressing and I understand how you are feeling BUT you are so young. I carried an extra 100 pounds around until I was 60 years old. Trust me you are on the right track and so far ahead of where I was at your age. There are lots of folks on here that have lost the weight. You can do it. You should however get some counselling. Find out if you sabotaged yourself the last time you lost. If you did you need to find out why and work it out. If you're just cutting too strictly it makes it impossible to keep on track if that's it you need to slow down and take your time. For me the big problem was I wanted to be skinny immediately so kept going on diets I couldn't stick to. When I finally lost the weight I was willing to slow down and LEARN something. You can never go back to eating whatever you want so you need to learn what you can eat for the rest of your life. Unless you love exercise you won't likely go to the gym for 2 hours a day so find exercise you can enjoy and will maintain. Baby steps will get you there. Hang in there and get some counselling to find out why you are so unhappy. Being overweight won't make your life perfect but it can make it easier.
  • meems251
    meems251 Posts: 84 Member
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    Please call the number above. As someone who has been touched by suicide, I can guarantee that you are not a burden, you are not a waste of space and you are loved very very much.

    Having a large amount of weight to lose can be very daunting. You ARE doing it though. 15lbs in one month is outstanding! The mind can play tricks on you and tell you that aren't doing good enough or that you should give up. Start telling that voice in your head to shut up! Keep pushing on with what you are doing. It's working!

    You can lose the weight and you can get to a better place mentally. How you feel and look today is temporary. PLEASE don't give up on yourself. Call the number ❤
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    Sit down with someone, face-to-face. Today. Your physician. If you don't have one, go to the ER. Show up. This could be depression due to thyroid or any number of things. Some of these things don't show up until the early 20's but get in your car and go there.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
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    Call 1-800-273-8255

    Available 24 hours everyday
  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
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    You are more than your body and your weight --you are valuable regardless.

    I started losing weight at 300 pounds and 25 years old. Its daunting and overwhelming and the self-hate you internalize can be unbearable.

    For a start, definitely call a hotline or text the Crisis Text Line -- you need to deal with your mental health first and foremost. In my experience, self-hate is a symptom of great issues rather than the whole issue itself. Going I therapy for a bit can only be a good thing, and I wish I had started sooner.

    On the weight loss: at 300 pounds, 1700 seems low to me. I know I was at a much higher calorie intake when I was that heavy, and I'm only 5'2". My concern there is that as your weight comes down, you don't really have much further to cut your calories when it comes to it. But, that's all anecdotal -- I'm not a doctor or nutritionist, and I may be off-base. In your shoes, I recommend doing some reading and research about TDEE and your activity level.
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
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    Step one is to make sure you are managing your calorie intake daily. Yeah it sucks at first but it does get easier as you are consistent. Step two is to get a exercise habit started. I like walking first and the transition to running. Step three is to attempt to eat better quality foods. You don't need to do all at once but I really feel that exercise gets me out of a funk. Not on day one but after I make it a habit. After abut two weeks of exercise and pushing a bit farther each day I feel better and my mind works better. I would say go see a doctor too but when people tell me to I never do. Good luck and try to focus on making an improvement each day. Its a long haul and not quick but as you see success it will motivate you.
  • allmannerofthings
    allmannerofthings Posts: 829 Member
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    Call the number, see your doctor. You reached out here - great step, now reach out to a professional. They CAN help you. Check back in here later and tell us how you are doing.
  • ACanadian22
    ACanadian22 Posts: 377 Member
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    I just checked out your profile. This post made me so sad. Honey...I am not lying to you at all when I say that you are absolutely freakin beautiful...
    Do I believe that you can lose the weight? For sure!
    Do I believe that 15 pounds is a lot of loss that fast? For sure!
    But I am really worried about you. You are only 20. Please see the beautiful girl we all do. xo
  • TexasTallchick
    TexasTallchick Posts: 133 Member
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    Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I actually did try to commit suicide last year after my 42yo husband died unexpectedly and I ended up in a mental hospital. I just called a suicide hotline again this weekend and the cops came and took me to the hospital. It’s really not the answer. What if you end up somewhere you don’t want to be and have absolutely no control over it? You can take control TODAY!! You’re so young and have so many good times left ahead of you. I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life, so I know what you’re going through. I’m also the only overweight one in my family. I live near my sister, who is skinny and in the USAF and we argue a lot about what I should be eating. The only thing you can do is just take it one day or even one hour at a time and try to get through this. It will make you a stronger person! Remember that you’re important and you matter. There are going to be so many challenges in life and it’s all about how you react to them and you’re in control of that. Please call someone or go to the nearest ER instead of taking your life. I’ve been there and I know you don’t want to just give up. You matter and it won’t always be this hard, I promise you!!!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    You need to see your doctor
  • JayRaeUK
    JayRaeUK Posts: 11 Member
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    I agree with everything said above. Life is worth living and you are doing everything in your power to keep fighting, don't give up, it can be better. Please reach out for help with something face to face. You can do this! take care xo
  • Bex953172
    Bex953172 Posts: 4,070 Member
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    ACanadian22 wrote: »
    I just checked out your profile. This post made me so sad. Honey...I am not lying to you at all when I say that you are absolutely freakin beautiful...
    Do I believe that you can lose the weight? For sure!
    Do I believe that 15 pounds is a lot of loss that fast? For sure!
    But I am really worried about you. You are only 20. Please see the beautiful girl we all do. xo

    I just looked too, you Are beautiful!
    I do weigh less than you but my god you're definitely better looking!!!
    But it's not about that!

    You know, you can achieve this. You can. But you're going to have to keep going but also get support for your feelings too, they will go hand in hand, you need your mental health in a good place to lose weight and you. Need to. Lose weight for. Your. Mental health.

    So what if you reached 300lbs at 20?! You have time on your side and a young body. Now I'm only 26 but I have been pregnant for 4 consecutive years (3 kids) and my body just ain't going back like it used to!

    You are beautiful, you are getting the scale to go in the right direction. You're doing it right! 15lbs in a month!? That's impressive! I can't even do that in a year!

    If there's one thing, one thing in your life you should do then it's to not give up! Make this the milestone in your life where you said enough is enough and you can look back and say that was the day, that was the day when I felt as low. As I could but I said fu¢k you to the world and made a difference for ME, not anyone else!

    It is just your mind, telling you you're not enough, but you ARE. Forget what your mind is telling you and just keep doing what you're doing.
  • cammiecane
    cammiecane Posts: 62 Member
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    champion818 wrote: »
    I apologize for the triggering title of this post , but frankly I currently feel those two things. I cant stand to look at myself anymore . I feel so helpless and trapped within my body . I always seem to fail at loosing weight no matter what I try to do . I'm not saying this because I have gone off track , because actually I have not . I have stuck to my 1,700 calories for over a month and lost 15 pounds, but that doesnt make me happy at all . Loosing those 15 pounds made me realize how much of a failure I have become . Why you may ask ? Because I was at 219 my lowest I could remember in 2016 and now fast forward 2 years later I reached my all time high of 305 and managed to go down to 290 . I dont think of the 15 pounds as a victory because ive created such a mess for myself . Nothing in my closet fits anymore , I ignore friends because im embarrassed of my weight . I have no support from anyone in my family . No body understands my suffering because my whole family is healthy and has no weight issues . I feel like the outcast obese excuse in the family who causes such a burden . I dont even want to countinue my university studies or my hotel job anymore because i dont feel like being here anymore . I dont want to suffer being fat . Ive tried and failed , tried and failed , and now im trying again , but i have not failed yet . Just the thought of not being able to loose this weight and be healthy KILLS me inside . My body hurts everyday , i stopped getting periods , my legs cramp , i cant run like i used too . I outgrew the plus size section in Forever 21 and that is a low for me . I considered doing weight loss surgery but everyone talked me out of it and said it was not a good idea since im so young and i dont disagree , but being almost 300 pounds at 20 is so scary and low for me . I just dont know what to do .. i feel like a waste of space . When I had my surgery yesterday for dental reasons , i wished i wouldnt wake up and when i did i just started sobbing in tears because the pain of my life and how I have let my self become this monster of a human is unberable . I dont want to sound like im complaining , i just have no one in my life to talk to about this . I feel like if i dont get help soon something bad will happen to me because i feel like ive reached my end

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I know exactly how you feel. I used to refuse to go anywhere public, like the beach and pool, etc, with my husband and kids because I was so disgusted with the way I looked and ashamed to be seen in public. I felt like a failure and a loser and used to cry and lock myself in my room when my hubby would try to get me to go out with him. It’s still a work in progress but I’m learning that isn’t true.

    It’s so much easier said than done, but you have to let go and forgive yourself. A good counselor could help here. We’re all human and we’ve all made mistakes and messed up. If you learn from those mistakes, you’re never a failure. And clearly you are learning as you’ve made a weight loss plan and are sticking to it!!

    15 pounds is great! It may not seem like it now, because you’re probably thinking about the whole picture/goal, which can be daunting. Try and make small goals for along the way. Something like go down a dress size, or fit into an old outfit, etc. that way you’re working towards something that doesn’t seem as far away. Once you start meeting these little goals, you really do feel a sense of accomplishment and it increases your confidence in yourself. I also recommend planning rewards for when you hit a goal. Something that makes you feel good about yourself- getting a massage or facial, buying a new outfit, going somewhere new you’ve always wanted to go.

    I know the idea of failing can be scary, but just take it one day at a time and try not to be too harsh on yourself. Right now you’re doing great!! Don’t expect perfection because none of us are perfect and it’s too much pressure to put on yourself. Know that if you go over calories one day or aren’t motivated to work out, don’t beat yourself up. Just learn from it and carry on the next day. I know you can do it! I can feel how determined you are and I believe in you!!

    Feel free to message me if you ever want to vent or talk to someone. I know im a stranger but I’m always here to listen to anyone who wants to talk!

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