Support to get me through some sabotage?
lyndajbowyer
Posts: 22 Member
Hiya all.
I'm 46 and on a journey to get down to 57kgs. 5.4kgs down already in just a few short weeks since joining a UK gym but have also shed 15kgs prior to joining the gym just making small dietary tweaks so nobody would notice.
What I have noticed since going public with my weight loss journey and posting occasional messages to my Facebook profile is that some family and friends all of a sudden have become fitness experts. I get naysayers claiming that I'm doing it all wrong or that I won't succeed (I have a very thorough gym routine 5 days a week and a 1-to-1 workout session with an awesome Personal Trainer weekly) so I think I'm doing OK - but the comments and jibes are hurtful.
Do feel free to friend me if you are in the same situation as me so we can mutually support each other through this and achieve our fitness and weight goals!
I'm 46 and on a journey to get down to 57kgs. 5.4kgs down already in just a few short weeks since joining a UK gym but have also shed 15kgs prior to joining the gym just making small dietary tweaks so nobody would notice.
What I have noticed since going public with my weight loss journey and posting occasional messages to my Facebook profile is that some family and friends all of a sudden have become fitness experts. I get naysayers claiming that I'm doing it all wrong or that I won't succeed (I have a very thorough gym routine 5 days a week and a 1-to-1 workout session with an awesome Personal Trainer weekly) so I think I'm doing OK - but the comments and jibes are hurtful.
Do feel free to friend me if you are in the same situation as me so we can mutually support each other through this and achieve our fitness and weight goals!
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Replies
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everyone has an opinion... just ignore them... its only sabotaging yourself if you choose to let people influence you.5
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Everyone thinks they're an expert. Let your shrinking waistline be your defense.3
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Over the past couple of years, I've had something similar but learnt to ignore them. I've just stuck with what was working for me, because I knew it was working and it was bettering my health all round. If anything these random comments know make me smile to myself. Although if pressed I admit that I will "stick with what works" & "my Dr's are happy".
One close relative has successfully lost and maintaining a healthy weight, also introduced me to mfp. Has been such a support throughout my journey.
2 years have passed,since then. I'm maintaining at a healthy weight, having lost 52lb. I now notice how these comments have changed.
As a couple of people, (who also wanted to lose weight), used to point out "what I was doing wrong" and constant pressure to change to "their weight loss methods", as they were right. Fad diets were often raised or comments made about my loss "being to slow". How I could lose weight faster, if I copied them. But now when I see them the comments have changed to me "being lucky" to have lost weight. Rather than admitting my way worked for me. As if it was luck rather than consistency and commitment, on my behalf. They continue to jump on the latest crazes and are still at the same weight and unhappy. Ask me what did work, expecting me to share a special secret. Complaining that it is "impossible" for them to lose.
I learnt a long time ago to keep my "healthy lifestyle" to myself. It makes life so much easier, but sharing here on mfp, as needed. So I can actually help those that want to learn.1 -
Give it time and your FB posts about weight loss and fitness will fade into obscurity. If FB digs them up, hide them away again.
As you are finding, weight loss is a solitary pursuit. If you have help from a SO like I do, count yourself lucky. Other than that, stick to MFP for support.
Nearly everyone seems to fancy themselves experts on diet and fitness. And many are perfectly willing to share their opinions, even going so far as to make their opinions into directives as to exactly what you should do. Very few of these same folks appear to ever lift a finger to follow their own advice. Block it out.1 -
It's interesting to me that you write that you've made small changes so no one will notice and then you are also posting about it on facebook and then upset that people notice and try to help. People by nature want to teach and tend to be controlling.
I didn't talk about my weight loss with people unless they specifically asked and I got off facebook ten years ago so I didn't have to "defend" my position ever. If I don't talk about something people don't really bring it up - especially something as sensitive to a woman as her weight!
I kept my weight loss a private journey other than what I posted on this site. If someone in my life asked how I did it, my answer was always, "Diet and Exercise," because I found what they were really asking was, "What special magical thing have you found?"
And it isn't magic.
That would usually be the end of that line of questioning.1 -
you know what they say about opinions and *kitten*holes right? everyone has one...2
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TavistockToad wrote: »everyone has an opinion... just ignore them... its only sabotaging yourself if you choose to let people influence you.
Thanks - and yes, it is hard to ignore when these 'opinions' are from those who I'd call friends and family. have had a few 'confidence boost' texts from my PT today which has helped instill some calmness into my day and reaffirm that what I'm doing is right, and on track with my progress.0 -
jennifer_417 wrote: »Everyone thinks they're an expert. Let your shrinking waistline be your defense.
Amen!0 -
Wendyanneroberts wrote: »Over the past couple of years, I've had something similar but learnt to ignore them. I've just stuck with what was working for me, because I knew it was working and it was bettering my health all round. If anything these random comments know make me smile to myself. Although if pressed I admit that I will "stick with what works" & "my Dr's are happy".
One close relative has successfully lost and maintaining a healthy weight, also introduced me to mfp. Has been such a support throughout my journey.
2 years have passed,since then. I'm maintaining at a healthy weight, having lost 52lb. I now notice how these comments have changed.
As a couple of people, (who also wanted to lose weight), used to point out "what I was doing wrong" and constant pressure to change to "their weight loss methods", as they were right. Fad diets were often raised or comments made about my loss "being to slow". How I could lose weight faster, if I copied them. But now when I see them the comments have changed to me "being lucky" to have lost weight. Rather than admitting my way worked for me. As if it was luck rather than consistency and commitment, on my behalf. They continue to jump on the latest crazes and are still at the same weight and unhappy. Ask me what did work, expecting me to share a special secret. Complaining that it is "impossible" for them to lose.
I learnt a long time ago to keep my "healthy lifestyle" to myself. It makes life so much easier, but sharing here on mfp, as needed. So I can actually help those that want to learn.
I'm relatively new to MFP but am finding it to be a huge source of help and advice to get me through the day-to-day; and yes - there's no 'magic formula' save for eating less (and eating smarter) and moving around more! Thanks for your share and insights
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Give it time and your FB posts about weight loss and fitness will fade into obscurity. If FB digs them up, hide them away again.
As you are finding, weight loss is a solitary pursuit. If you have help from a SO like I do, count yourself lucky. Other than that, stick to MFP for support.
Nearly everyone seems to fancy themselves experts on diet and fitness. And many are perfectly willing to share their opinions, even going so far as to make their opinions into directives as to exactly what you should do. Very few of these same folks appear to ever lift a finger to follow their own advice. Block it out.
Thanks for your reply. It absolutely IS a solitary pursuit, but it is amazing what a good Spotify playlist can do to help peel off those miles on the treadmill!
My SO is a large fella but is undergoing his weightloss via a Roux X-en-Y route (he has a considerable amount more to lose than I have), so he doesn't really get the jist of my journey (and why I am doing it for me rather than him).
Que sera sera...0 -
feel free to follow or be followed
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cmriverside wrote: »It's interesting to me that you write that you've made small changes so no one will notice and then you are also posting about it on facebook and then upset that people notice and try to help. People by nature want to teach and tend to be controlling.
I didn't talk about my weight loss with people unless they specifically asked and I got off facebook ten years ago so I didn't have to "defend" my position ever. If I don't talk about something people don't really bring it up - especially something as sensitive to a woman as her weight!
I kept my weight loss a private journey other than what I posted on this site. If someone in my life asked how I did it, my answer was always, "Diet and Exercise," because I found what they were really asking was, "What special magical thing have you found?"
And it isn't magic.
That would usually be the end of that line of questioning.
Thanks for your reply. Someone I knew saw me come out of the gym some weeks ago, so I decided to post a brief 'on a weightloss' journey kinda post before people started with the questions (aren't people soooo nosy)?
I tend to have Facebook to keep in touch with really good friends from School from over 30 years ago. I find the barbed comments can come from people who have known me for considerably less. In the main, I post my gym related stuff to my Instagram (which is set to private) and have little kickback there. I guess because some of the backlash comes from 'family' (I use quotes as I am, all things considered, estranged from them for some years). I guess it kinda cuts deep when insults/'expert opinion' comes from so-called flesh and blood
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deannalfisher wrote: »you know what they say about opinions and *kitten*holes right? everyone has one...
Indeed
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Thanks for the replies, folks. Really appreciated. I guess I just was at a low ebb this morning after a sleepless night chewing over the barbed comments. I guess I just need to learn to flip these people the bird and block them out. Thanks again 0
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lyndajbowyer wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »everyone has an opinion... just ignore them... its only sabotaging yourself if you choose to let people influence you.
Thanks - and yes, it is hard to ignore when these 'opinions' are from those who I'd call friends and family. have had a few 'confidence boost' texts from my PT today which has helped instill some calmness into my day and reaffirm that what I'm doing is right, and on track with my progress.
i have a work friend who comments on me having salad for lunch every day, and mocks runners (i'm a runner). she is also that person who shares those posts on Facebook about super foods and 5 foods that target belly fat and diet coke makes holes in your brain etc etc she often advises me on diet (don't eat fruit after your lunch (which i always do) as it 'fights' with the food in your stomach) and exercise (5 minutes per day is enough) yet she is overweight and last time she want to the doctor they told her she was deficient in various things....
i love her as a friend, so i smile and nod and ignore her.3 -
TavistockToad wrote: »lyndajbowyer wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »
i have a work friend who comments on me having salad for lunch every day, and mocks runners (i'm a runner). she is also that person who shares those posts on Facebook about super foods and 5 foods that target belly fat and diet coke makes holes in your brain etc etc she often advises me on diet (don't eat fruit after your lunch (which i always do) as it 'fights' with the food in your stomach) and exercise (5 minutes per day is enough) yet she is overweight and last time she want to the doctor they told her she was deficient in various things....
i love her as a friend, so i smile and nod and ignore her.
I guess that, just like the penguins on the kids' 'Madagascar' films, when dealing with people like this we just have to learn to smile...and wave
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When you talk about your weight loss efforts you open yourself up for conversation, advice and opinions good or bad IME. If you don't want that input then don't share with them.
I would craft a response like "I feel really good about my plan and my progress." Then change the subject with these people. Don't respond to further comments on this topic from those people.
I haven't told anyone I know but those I live with that I was trying to lose weight this time around and have been comment free. I share things with anonymous strangers here if I feel like sharing.0 -
cmriverside wrote: »It's interesting to me that you write that you've made small changes so no one will notice and then you are also posting about it on facebook and then upset that people notice and try to help. People by nature want to teach and tend to be controlling.
I didn't talk about my weight loss with people unless they specifically asked and I got off facebook ten years ago so I didn't have to "defend" my position ever. If I don't talk about something people don't really bring it up - especially something as sensitive to a woman as her weight!
I kept my weight loss a private journey other than what I posted on this site. If someone in my life asked how I did it, my answer was always, "Diet and Exercise," because I found what they were really asking was, "What special magical thing have you found?"
And it isn't magic.
That would usually be the end of that line of questioning.
This......
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I don't talk about it or post about it. The only thing that gets posted to FB is my ride uploads from Strava. Most people don't know anything about nutrition and fitness...I know quite a bit, so I really don't need any comments from the peanut gallery of know nothings.0
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I agree about not discussing with others, avoids getting peoples unwelcome opinions, well intentioned or otherwise.
I know what you mean about staying awake ruminating on things but I have been reading various books about deciding where you want to waste your energy (except slightly less politely put). Your energy is better spent on focusing on yourself rather than the negativity of others, it says more about them than you anyway. There will always be pathetic souls with miserable minds and lives who make themselves feel better by dragging others down. The best response is to keep smiling and carry on, you know your own truth.
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I tend not to post much about my weight loss either. Occasionally I'll post a funny story about my gym experiences, but never about my goals. A tad different, but the one time I posted about my goals, I had all kinds of fb friends (close ones and ones I hardly knew) tell me how I was already skinny, questioning why I wanted to lose so much...It was so silly! You're the only one that knows your body, just do you and keep at it ♡
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