the grass is always greener...?

barbiex3
barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
edited October 1 in Health and Weight Loss
so i've been on MFP for about 4 months, and I've changed my body significantly in the past year. I went from being about 160lbs to 130lbs at 5'8".
When I was in the 150s I would always be envious or super skinny or really athletic fit people... Now that I have a fairly athletic and fit body, I now will get jealous when I see a girl who was around my starting size... It's completely WACK. I used to think the smaller the better, but now, I think average weight is much more attractive than my weight =/. I used to see girls with nice abs, and I would get jealous.... now I see curvy girls, and I get jealous?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!!?!?! is it maybe because i miss my old lifestyle? i don't know...

Does anyone else have this change in perception?

Replies

  • maryd523
    maryd523 Posts: 661 Member
    That's completely fascinating. Maybe you just always want what you think you can't have? I don't know...I've never heard of this.

    Maybe you can console yourself with the knowledge that the bigger girl is probably jealous of you. This should be a lesson to us girls.
  • LisaKyle11
    LisaKyle11 Posts: 662 Member
    i think you should ask yourself if you are really happy with your current lifestyle. how do you physically and mentally feel? is your daily routine (eating habits and exercise habits) something that you can do with ease (or at least a fair amount of ease) - or does it seem torturous? at some point you will obviously want to come to peace with yourself and your own body image. from your profile pic, you look to be in great shape. congrats on meeting your goals!

    i am sure that some of the 'curvy' girls you are seeing and sometimes envying are striving for a shape more like yours.
  • Irene8509
    Irene8509 Posts: 381 Member
    For me its my own body that I am having a hard time adjusting to. I was always very thin and lean and in good shape. After my second child I never dropped the weight gained in pregnancy and well frankly kept gaining. Four months ago I decided to get back on track and I've lost 30 lbs of the 40 I am looking to shed. I look at my legs/ body and I keep thinking "Is that me"? I'm thin but it seems foreign to me. Now that's strange...don't you think???
  • CaptainMFP
    CaptainMFP Posts: 440 Member
    Consider this thought. Seriously athletic bodies are not our natural state. Every athlete I know of develops a more average body when they stop being a full-time athlete. In other words, to have a very low % body fat and an extremely toned body requires a lot of work to maintain. Perhaps you're pining for a body that looked good but required less effort to maintain? I've been thinking of this a lot lately, since for my current lean body mass, a mid-BMI healthy weight would require me to get close to 10% body fat...since I'm not an athlete (I want to be more athletic but no a serious competitor) I know this is unrealistic for me because I'll never be willing to do that much work. Just more (metaphorical) food for thought. :smile:
  • cmwaddell
    cmwaddell Posts: 12
    I do this all the time!
    i exercise 6-7 days a week and eat a pretty strict diet 90% of the time..
    I always point out girls bodies to my boyfriend that i wish i had and usually they are twice my size, a lot curvier than i am..
    however if i start loosing muscle and gaining fat and begin to look like those girls i hate my body and start working out like crazy again...
  • ladyhawk00
    ladyhawk00 Posts: 2,457 Member
    I think a lot of people feel lost once they reach a certain point. When you're trying to lose weight or decrease BF or reach some other goal, you have a challenge - something to focus on. Once you reach that, it can feel like a let down and leave you without purpose.

    Perhaps you need to find another challenge, health-related or not.

    But ultimately, you just need to find the point where you can look at where you are and feel content - and that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the physical part. I think it's mostly a mental battle to find a happy medium between healthy body image, sustainable habits, and satisfaction with who you are and how you look, regardless of what that look is. We all assume we'll just suddenly be happy once we're at our "ideal weight" (or BF, or whatever)...but that's like people who think winning the lottery will solve all of their problems. It doesn't. Those folks are just as unhappy as anyone else. I think it comes down to finding inner happiness and peace. That sounds awfully corny, but I think it's true.
  • Katie3784
    Katie3784 Posts: 543
    I totally know how you feel. I think my problem is that I don't like my body type. I love curves on women, but I don't like the way they look on me, plus when I was heavier, my boobs did not match my body at all(thanks to having 2 kiddos).
  • Just2Good
    Just2Good Posts: 4
    i will be perfectly honest with you. looking at your pics, you are SMOKIN HOT! and as i look at your pic, Id say that even if you were heavier, youd still be smoking hot. I cant say this enough to every woman I meet, sexy is between your ears. Don't do anything to keep up with the jonses. if your health is a concern, exercise. dont do it bc you think you need to meet some type of ideal. i find myself attracted to women all ages, all shapes and all sizes. so do whatever will ultimately make you the happiest.
  • solflyer81
    solflyer81 Posts: 119
    I always loved my athletic body when I had it. Now I get super jealous of girls 10 years younger than me that have no kids and look super hot. Lol. i think it is the female nature....If it makes you feel any better, I would die to have your body. even at my fittest, I never had cut abs no matter how hard I worked, I always had the belly dancer type tummy. I would say dont sweat it, You ve got a killer bod and be proud of it!
  • sarah307
    sarah307 Posts: 1,363 Member
    I think a lot of people feel lost once they reach a certain point. When you're trying to lose weight or decrease BF or reach some other goal, you have a challenge - something to focus on. Once you reach that, it can feel like a let down and leave you without purpose.

    Perhaps you need to find another challenge, health-related or not.

    ^agreed. i have found that now i have reached my goal.. i want to keep losing more.. but why is that? IDK. because i am not wanting to be slimmer.. but i realized that it's because i liked striving for a GOAL. and being more fit has always been my goal.. so i had to start making up new goals. :) that is why i have been doing monthly challenges on other things.. like.. try to eat 2-5 veggies a day in august.. or next month will be try 5 new foods that i've never tried before :)
  • sarah307
    sarah307 Posts: 1,363 Member
    i will be perfectly honest with you. looking at your pics, you are SMOKIN HOT! and as i look at your pic, Id say that even if you were heavier, youd still be smoking hot. I cant say this enough to every woman I meet, sexy is between your ears. Don't do anything to keep up with the jonses. if your health is a concern, exercise. dont do it bc you think you need to meet some type of ideal. i find myself attracted to women all ages, all shapes and all sizes. so do whatever will ultimately make you the happiest.

    ^ good guy! :) lol
  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
    Consider this thought. Seriously athletic bodies are not our natural state. Every athlete I know of develops a more average body when they stop being a full-time athlete. In other words, to have a very low % body fat and an extremely toned body requires a lot of work to maintain. Perhaps you're pining for a body that looked good but required less effort to maintain? I've been thinking of this a lot lately, since for my current lean body mass, a mid-BMI healthy weight would require me to get close to 10% body fat...since I'm not an athlete (I want to be more athletic but no a serious competitor) I know this is unrealistic for me because I'll never be willing to do that much work. Just more (metaphorical) food for thought. :smile:


    this really spoke to me...
    My body type is starting to become "unnatural"... perhaps that is why I am not happy because I work so hard on my body, but it's not really making me happier. I think you're totally correct that it requires a lot of work... and perhaps I am getting fed up with working so hard because I'm content with my body as it is, but I want other people in my life to start to notice or something, IDK! I guess I just need to cut myself more slack :P & not worry about what people are thinking!
  • deenaspell
    deenaspell Posts: 227 Member
    It is ALL about a healthy perception of self, it has nothing to do with weight or sizes! Did you read the blog I posted the other day? If not, PLEASE do! It's called "The Weight Loss Skinny" on my site is deenasafari.com/blog. It is crazy how we want to be everything but what we are - skinny, curvy, blonde, red-headed - you name it. Trust me, being content and at peace with your natural body shape is 10x harder than losing weight. BTW, you're beautiful either way!

    so i've been on MFP for about 4 months, and I've changed my body significantly in the past year. I went from being about 160lbs to 130lbs at 5'8".
    When I was in the 150s I would always be envious or super skinny or really athletic fit people... Now that I have a fairly athletic and fit body, I now will get jealous when I see a girl who was around my starting size... It's completely WACK. I used to think the smaller the better, but now, I think average weight is much more attractive than my weight =/. I used to see girls with nice abs, and I would get jealous.... now I see curvy girls, and I get jealous?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!!?!?! is it maybe because i miss my old lifestyle? i don't know...

    Does anyone else have this change in perception?
  • ohamberx0
    ohamberx0 Posts: 98 Member
    I swear it's the media. Women are just getting smaller and smaller... which is great for a lot of people, a lot of guys are into that... but realistically, men were meant to look for "healthy" women. Child bearing hips, nice boobs, lips, curves, etc.etc.

    I don't want to be that curvy healthy though, I would rather be on the smaller side... whenever I get down to my goal, I'm not sure how I'll feel, but I can say now you look great as you are!
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    I think a lot of people feel lost once they reach a certain point. When you're trying to lose weight or decrease BF or reach some other goal, you have a challenge - something to focus on. Once you reach that, it can feel like a let down and leave you without purpose.

    Perhaps you need to find another challenge, health-related or not.

    But ultimately, you just need to find the point where you can look at where you are and feel content - and that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the physical part. I think it's mostly a mental battle to find a happy medium between healthy body image, sustainable habits, and satisfaction with who you are and how you look, regardless of what that look is. We all assume we'll just suddenly be happy once we're at our "ideal weight" (or BF, or whatever)...but that's like people who think winning the lottery will solve all of their problems. It doesn't. Those folks are just as unhappy as anyone else. I think it comes down to finding inner happiness and peace. That sounds awfully corny, but I think it's true.
    :heart:
  • ApproachingDusk
    ApproachingDusk Posts: 70
    You know what? I partially feel bad for how your feeling, because I know the discontent really would make me miserable, but I am partially happy that you're in this position so that you can try to figure out what is "real" to you. Sometimes you work really hard for something that you think is what you want, but in reality our perceptions of what you "want" is so driven by media, and we never really figure out what makes US happy.

    I really hope you figure out what works better for yourself and can look in the mirror and be in love with how you look and feel.

    What I think could be beneficial is if you make the list of what about your current lifestyle makes you happy and fulfilled, and what doesn't. Maybe you LOVE running, but hate lifting weights or yoga. Or maybe you really are just dang sick of eating apples and would rather have a piece of pie. Then maybe think of things that you would like to have back into your life and start incorporating those without going crazy.

    Finding your balance is the hardest but in the end I have a feeling when you figure out what YOU want, you will be much happier.
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