Support without your spouse

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adrianneboyd
adrianneboyd Posts: 88 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey there guys...I just need to see if anyone else is going through this too. My husband is a wonderful guy and supports me through everything....except this weight loss. I'm not sure if he thinks I'll get offended by comments or just thinks it's a joke.

He always tells me I look great the way I am and that I don't need to lose anything, but lately he's been making some of my food decisions difficult. If I grab a 90 calorie brownie for dessert before bed, he'll say something like, "what...no Ice cream!"

Am I just taking this the wrong way? I'd love to hear from anyone who's going through this too. I'm a pretty confident person, but when it comes from someone you love...it's confusing! Does he want me to stop or is he trying to guilt me to help me?

Replies

  • MsCandyLynn
    MsCandyLynn Posts: 123
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    My husband is the same way, he doesnt believe me when i tell him that my dr says im Obese or when i tell him that i have close to 70lb to lose...and he never mentions anything about the foods i eat or don't eat for thatmatter and i can't get him to be any kind of accountability partner..but he is an amazing man who stands by me in every other way...just wish i could get more support out of him...i mean im happy he thinks that im perfect and that i don't need to lose weight but that only hurt me bc i feel that i can eat what i want bc the man i love thinks im perfect when i know im not!
  • jadi97
    jadi97 Posts: 26
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    I am right there with ya. I try to make healthy meal choices and he just gives me the thumbs down. Or says he don't like that. He will eat fast food everyday at work, and then always insist we eat out. I've recently gotten to the point where i am just telling him tough. He don't have to diet if he don't want to, but I'm doing this for me!!! Please add me as a friend and hopefully we can support each other!
  • ShannaB83185
    ShannaB83185 Posts: 441 Member
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    I kinda have a similar situation. My fiance is not supportive at all. He thinks I am going to get skinny and then have this new confidence and leave him. He is very insecure. If your spouse is normally supportive in everything else I would think he would be in your weight loss journey too. I also think my fiance thinkgs its a joke because he doesn't believe that I will stick with it. I never have before so why would this time be any different. I have been doing this for about a month now and I have noticed he gets a little bit better every step of the way. I am not sure that I just gave you much advice but I hope you work through it and keep up the good work :)
  • jbeauchamp1
    jbeauchamp1 Posts: 195 Member
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    I totally understand. Honestly he does love you the way you are but he may feel intimidated by your changes. Maybe he is overweight himself and it makes him feel guilty. He may also just feel a little insecure so just try to include him in everything so he feels a part of it. Some men get worried or insecure that you will get fit and leave them...crazy but it is true. Just keep him involved and keep moving forward. Once he sees that you are doing this for you but also to be healthier for your family he will be supportive. :smile:
  • Mariposa187
    Mariposa187 Posts: 344 Member
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    Dont you just love husbands? I am having a similar issue. My husband and I are supposedly racing to see who can lose the most weight but he eats junk food late at night and appears to eat whatever he wants when he feels like it and does not exercise. He does not want to exercise with me and that is so very frustrating. When we decided to lose weight together I actually thought we would be going through it together but instead I am working my butt off while he just stops drinking soda and drops weight. It is so frustrating.

    Husbands are awesome and he tells me the same that he loves me the way I am and I do not need to lose weight which is partially why I have been so complacent these past couple of years. I think that they mean well but their minds work differently from ours so it may be his way of hinting that you shouldn't eat that. I think they want to help but are unsure of how to help in fear of hurting our feelings. I started telling my hubby how I needed him to help me. Things like reminding me its after 8 p.m. if I want going to the kitchen to get food or if I am thinking about eating something not so healthy he suggests something else that is healthier.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    Motivation and support are very important components to changing your lifestyle to become healthier and more active. It's the reason people join sites like mfp and such. If they see that other people are going through the same trials, it's easier for them to stick with it too.

    That being said, the initial motivation, the initial push to lose weight has to come from within you. You have to start the change before you can expect anyone else to help you. If you always used to eat that brownie with ice cream for dessert, it would seem weird if all of a sudden you weren't. I don't think it's that he wants you to fail at your goals, he just might not know or be used to your new routine yet. Getting him into that mode where, even if he isn't necessarily eating as healthy as you, he still understands that you will be from now on will take time and a lot of getting used to. In the same way you want support with your weight loss goals, you need to support him in getting used to the new lifestyle. It's a team effort, and you can't expect him to pick it up right away. Stick with it though and it'll get easier.

    Good Luck!
  • BGabbart
    BGabbart Posts: 173 Member
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    I have the same thing with my husband, he is a sweetheart and I am not going to bash him, but he does make comments like that also. I will eat something and he willsay oh I thought you were on a diet. I keep telling him it is not a diet but a healthy choice lifestyel and I eat it in moderation. I think I am very good with moderation but he doesn't seem to get it. I will say that he does not be little me or anything and maybe he thinks he's helping by reminding me there are things I shouldn't eat. I don't know it is hard to explain and I don't even know how to tell him that those things do not make me feel good about myself. I now he would not do anything to hurt me on purpose.
  • ansonrinesmith
    ansonrinesmith Posts: 755 Member
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    Men are engineered from a very young age that weight is a VERY taboo subject with women.
    We learn not to answer the question: "Does this make me look fat?" or "Is my butt getting big?"
    You are going to have to work on changing years of programming.

    Here is a suggestion: Sit him down and talk about it. Explain that, while you appreciate and understand that he loves you and not your weight, that you want to get healthy so you can INSERT HERE (feel better, live longer, have a better sex drive). Explain to him that it is important to have his understanding and support.

    I try things like "I'm really proud of you for making a healthy dessert decision" or "That was a healthy choice you made for dinner".
    Give him ideas of what he can do to help.
  • road2peachtree
    road2peachtree Posts: 309 Member
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    Honestly, some guys are just clueless. :huh: Some guys are a "I need to see it to believe it" type. :noway: Some are mean.:devil: My husband is the see it/believe it guy. I said "I'm going to lose weight" his response? "For real this time? I mean I've spent $$ on this, this, blah blah blah" He didn't really take me seriously until I had dropped like 15lbs. Same thing with the Peachtree. He didn't believe me until I actually got close enough to smell the race. LOL

    But no matter if he believes me or not, helps me or not, eats cake in front of me or not (which he has done--grrrrrr:angry: ), I have to totally do this on my own. Yes, it would help to get that initial "Oh yea! Go get it wife of mine!" :flowerforyou: or the not eating cake in front of me, but at the end of the day--I have me to thank for my fat *kitten*:grumble: ...jiggly belly.:embarassed: ...big thighs....ugh this is getting depressing. :frown: LOL

    I don't think your husband means any harm. It's not like he's calling you bad names or trying to sabotage you (I don't think). Perhaps he's just one of those see it/believe it kind of guys. And he's correct--he'll love you and think you are perfect the way you are always...you ARE his wife after all. But I bet once you knock off a few pounds and start rolling like nobody's business, he'll love the new you just as much--and push you harder too :wink:

    *sorry...went overboard with the smiley's :blushing:
  • Penelope_373
    Penelope_373 Posts: 28 Member
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    I am in the same boat! My hubby was very supportive when I joined WW three years ago, but when it came to eating the same meals as me (I went pretty clean) it was difficult for him. He is also overweight and although he eats somewhat healthy, I always feel like I am having to cook three different meals (one for me, one for him, and another for the kids). I got lazy and gained 20 of my 50 pound loss back and I hadn't even hit my goal. So I am doing MFP to track my eating and exercise and help me make better choices. He is doing better so far, and my girls are teens now. So now I plan and fix the meals to my liking and if they want something else, they can make it - and if there are leftovers I incorporate them into my next days meals or snacks.

    My hubby always tells me I am beautiful and sexy and he loves me no matter what. I know he is not jealous or insecure that if I lose wieght and he doesn't that I am going to leave or anything like that, we have a good relationship and he is my best friend. I want to be healthy and feel good the older I get. I would also love to look and feel good in my clothing. It is nice that he sees me in such a positive way, but I keep telling him he needs to be my "coach" and ask me "What have you done for yourself today?" but he is afraid I am going to get upset that he is riding me or something. I tell him, no, that is exactly what I need....someone keeping me on track in a positive way!

    They just don't understand sometimes. Good job and keep it up, don't let anyone hold you back from becoming a healthier you!
  • chantel14
    chantel14 Posts: 128
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    My husband was the exact same way.. always made fat jokes at me (but he thought it was ok since I wasn't really fat) men are just dumb sometimes lol. He did not take me seriously at all.. partly my fault because I fell through with the fad diets in the past. But once I started to actually lose weight, he became a lot more supportive and happy for me. Sometimes it just takes men a little time to come around. :)
  • CindyWarner
    CindyWarner Posts: 138
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    My husband is jealous to of me trying to lose weight. He says he wants to lose weight to but continues to eat whatever he wants. I think once I lose the weight and he sees that everything is still the same between us, he will be OK. And then he will start asking for my advice so he can lose too.

    Now I am a firm believer that if you are hungery you should eat. Have some veggies or Almond Milk and wait about an hour to see if your still hungery.

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