Old habits die hard...

Wow so this year has been pretty wild for me. Toward the end of January, halfway through my freshman year of college, I made a decision to lose weight. I went to the health center for a cold, and when I weighed in at nearly 280 lbs, I said that enough was enough. I started to exercise daily (often more than once, but I have thankfully been able to move past the overexercising and found a solid routine that is healthy), and watching what I ate, not specifically tracking calories. As time progressed, and the number on the scale fell, I became a lot more strict with my diet, getting a food scale, logging everything, etc.

More recently, having reached a weight of about 175 lbs in the past 3 weeks, I moved on to more relaxed eating. Being a summer student in college means that I often go eat out, because cooking isn't particularly appealing late at night after hours of class and work. I thought I had reached a happy point. My weight stayed about the same, and I found myself a lot less stressed over my food intake and exercise.

For the past 10 days, my friend from high school was visiting. This was the friend with whom I would go out to eat once, twice, or even three times a day with during the school year (part of the reason my weight got so high). This was a time when eating was pretty much the only thing I did. Constantly snacking and eating just for the sake of it. Well, it seems like his visit just brought that right out of me. I was constantly hungry, ordering things that I wouldn't normally at restaurants, and started to constantly snack. I quite literally lost control. Some nights, I would go to bed, my stomach aching because of how much I ate that day. I didn't know how things would play out.

Well, my friend left yesterday morning. I weighed myself after I woke up yesterday, and a not-so-nice 192 lbs popped up.

I was so worried about what I would do to myself. But surprisingly, the number did not concern me as much as I expected, which concerns me. The last thing I want to do is regain the ~100 lbs I lost. Today, I am back on the wagon. I will log anything and everything that goes in my mouth. I will stick to my calorie goals for the day. I will do my best to not demonize foods. I will understand that sometimes the world throws you a curve ball, and not every day will be ideal. I will continue to go to the gym and do my strength training workouts, and I will stop making excuses for not doing my cardio workouts. I will bring my weight down to where it was before.

Even when I was at 175 lbs, I was pretty unhappy with how I looked. Now, I see a clear difference between what I looked like almost 2 weeks ago and what the weight I gained makes me look like now. I feel heavier, I feel worse, but most importantly I now appreciate how good I truly was at the weight I felt so unhappy at.

I don't know if I resent myself for this. I don't know if I regret it. I hope I don't, I had an awesome time living it up with my best friends, and the last thing I want is to blame them for this, as the only person at fault here is me.

I guess I'm writing this on here because doing so makes me accountable to people other than myself. I hope that as time goes on, I get to update you guys on my progress.