How to talk to somebody who is actually underweight

Cytherea
Cytherea Posts: 515 Member
edited October 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
So a brief bit of history. When I was younger, my cousin lived with our family for a little while. Her and I were similar in size- a bit larger, but still well within the average/healthy range. From there, our paths drastically changed. I got heavier and heavier and she began to get thinner.

Last time I saw her was Christmas, and I was playing with her iPhone and noticed that she had a BMI calculator app. When I went to check it out, her information was saved in there. She was right on the boundary of being underweight.

Since then, she has continued to lose weight. My mom tells me every time she sees her that she is looking worse and worse. Her best friend recently told me that she looks unhealthy and that she doesn't eat and is constantly at the gym, and her on/off boyfriend even told her that she was getting too thin. But it seems like every time somebody tries to tell her that she is too skinny, she giggles and takes it as a compliment. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if she was under 100 lbs. She also has absolutely no muscle- her arms look like they could be broken by a handshake and her face is starting to get sunken in.

I'll be seeing her at some point next week and then again a few weeks after that. Everybody keeps telling me that I need to talk to her. But I feel like she isn't going to listen to me. I've been working at this health thing for a while now, and I've done a lot of reading and research, but who am I to tell her that she is too skinny when just over a year and a half ago I was morbidly obese? She has always been wonderful and encouraging to me when I was trying to lose weight- in fact, she was the first person that I told when I started seriously trying and using MFP. She freaked out when she saw me at Christmas because of how good I looked. She's been so supportive of me, and I love her so much, but I don't want to see her sick and unhealthy. I have no idea even where to start and what to say though, if she'll even listen at all.

Any advice or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Replies

  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    I'm touched by your obvious concern.

    Why don't you start by asking her for tips on losing weight - she might tell you how she's approaching things, without feeling that she's getting a lecture. (You're not really looking for her tips, just giving her a chance to start talking about nutrition)

    Best of luck with this.
  • maryd523
    maryd523 Posts: 661 Member
    Oh, this is sad. It sounds like she has an eating disorder, although of course I could be just jumping to conclusions.

    If it were my cousin, I would start by saying everything to her you just said to us, very gently and lovingly. How much you love her, how much she means to you, and how much you appreciate how supportive she's been to you throughout your lives. Hug her or hold her hand during this talk, touching really helps people not feel attacked.

    Gently, ask her if there's anything she needs support with. She'll probably say no. Then you can move on to saying how she has always looked so healthy and fit, and lately she is just looking a little thin. (Did I mention be gentle?). Reaffirm that you love her and are concerned about her.

    Maybe have some information ready about eating disorders and possible treatment options. Give her somewhere to go with this. It will probably take some time for her to accept that she is too skinny...body image disorders are all mental.

    Good luck. I hope she is okay and can get to a healthy weight again. She's lucky to have you.
  • elgface
    elgface Posts: 35
    I have been in the situation that people think I`m too thin a few years ago, and I also took theire conserne as a compliment... What really got to me was to realise my own problem, and then having some one to talk to about it that is suportive. dont focus on her body, focus on her mind, ask here how she feels about her selfe and offer her understanding and the maybe you can ease into the topic of taking her to a eating disorder meating or the doctor to get checked... but she has to want it, it could get triggered even worse if you are to bold about crittizising her eating habits... they are usualy a symptom of something that lies deeper...

    But I am NO expert! this is my side of things from experience from here side of the story... you may also talk to a nurse or something or call an eating disorder support organisation and ask them as well... this is such a delicate matter so be carefull and think before you speak... I am sorry you have to watch here like that, cant be easy... so good luck to you!
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