Is it normal to be this unhappy being bigger?

Kaya11335
Kaya11335 Posts: 1 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Im going to try to make it simple. But ever since I put on weight I noticed I lost several friends. I dont have many anymore maybe 3...and I am to self conscious and have a voice say in my head "youre too fat they wont want to be your friend" ever time I try to go out and talk to people. So I get too drunk and get more depressed and still don`t talk to anyone. I have lost all will power to keep myself cleanly shaved and just things to make me look better. I have completely given up. I am afraid to go to work. I am afraid to go to school. I constantly just think "everyone is just looking and talking about how fat you're". I have tried to lose weight for several months but I haven`t been able to. I finally started being really good about eating and exercising about 2 weeks ago. I am constantly stressing and thinking about whether or not I lost weight. But I also havent looked at a scale for over a year and a half. Im disgusted with myself.. What do I do? am I crazy?

Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Sounds like depression, see your doctor
  • kittychick1987
    kittychick1987 Posts: 18 Member
    While I would agree with the other reply, you need to see your doctor to discuss this, I also think you're on the right track.
    Exercising is going to release endorphins which will help with the depression! I would continue exercising, see your doctor, and continue to eat healthy. Reaching out on here is great as well, because you can find people who can help you get motivated.
    You're not crazy. Far from it. Keep going the way you're going, and maybe add some people on here as friends(you're welcome to add me). Things will work out!
  • dragonghost
    dragonghost Posts: 68 Member
    Sounds like being depressed an non motivated plus it does not help the way over weight people are treated in this world. Having lost 200lbs i can understand both sides of the coin. Exercise an proper diet will help put you into a positive progressive path an hopeful the mind will follow.
  • cpkretz1
    cpkretz1 Posts: 10 Member
    I am going through a similar experience, Kaya. I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been at 293 for a 5’5” frame. I used to be the skinniest person in my family and I was very athletic. Now I’m the fattest and I, too, find myself veering away from social situations. With all of this extra weight, I find I can’t sleep through the night, I’m afraid I’m going to die of a heart attack and I have two young children who look up to me. I can’t even ride a bike because I’m afraid I’ll pop the tires and my knees hurt when I walk any distance. Then, one day, about two weeks ago I was reading an article somewhere about a girl who was about my height and weight and started keeping track of what she ate in this app. Now she’s a personal trainer and has a rockin’ body and feels great! So I gave it a try! My only commitment that I make to myself is whatever I eat, I have to log it into the system. No matter how ugly the day gets. The amazing thing is that I’m losing weight! And I’m feeling hopeful! It’s only 2 weeks and I’m down 7 lbs! And guess what?! Even on the bad days, when I click that button at the bottom of the page, it still tells me I’ll weigh less than I do know if I continue to eat like this! You can’t solve every problem in your world, but minimally you should try to make the commitment to yourself to track the damage of the day and take it Day by day. If I’m able to continue on and if my progress continues as it is going, it will probably take me a year plus until I’m at a healthy weight. That amount of time and commitment can be very overwhelming, but if you just look at today and try this one thing of writing down what you’re eating. I’m 100% certain you’ll be able to turn your life around. Baby steps! Ps. Part of what I also do is try to write other people such as yourself to try to help them. I feel helping others helps me, too! Good creates good! Also I try to read one or two articles every day that are on this site to keep motivated! You’re here, so you’ve already taken the first step! You can do it!
  • jmpurser
    jmpurser Posts: 22 Member
    Let me just start off with "Crazy" isn't a scientific word. So there's a lot of wiggle room there. And I'll follow that up with the strong advice that if you even suspect that you might have real mental health issues then you need to be talking to a PROFESSIONAL and not an internet forum. You get that right? You've been told several times to see a doctor. Are you listening? Depression and Anxiety are very real, very complex, and they are KILLERS. Do not fool around with them. Go find a medical professional and listen to them!

    And let me finish up this little preamble by pointing out that I am NOT a medical professional and have absolutely no qualifications to give you advice.

    But I think we both know by now that I'm gonna anyway.

    Are you "crazy"? Oh yeah. Not your fault. You were raised in a thoroughly crazy system by crazy people and you've had crazy friends judging you by crazy standards. If you WEREN'T crazy then something would be wrong with you. And if you were really too far out there you wouldn't REALIZE you are crazy so go with it. And that's the good news.

    The bad news is you're overweight, self medicating, and show symptoms of both depression and anxiety (which frequently go together).

    Now, I'm an alcoholic, no two ways about it. And a lot of how I look at the world today came from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous so that's my goto source of wisdom. That DOES NOT MEAN I'm calling you any kind of an addict. That is strictly between you, maybe your doctor, maybe your loved ones, but not me.

    The 2nd step of the famous 12 steps is:
    “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

    And as my sponsor used to delight in telling me "You can't believe you can be restored TO sanity unless you admit you're crazy now."

    So, in my utterly unqualified opinion you're crazy. Just like a LOT of other people. We're talking millions here. Congratulations, you have a tribe.

    And I take it that you find your current condition unpleasant, perhaps intolerable. If I'm right about that then you can either wait for the entire Universe to change around you, or you can get to work on changing yourself. If you choose the latter (and believe me a lot of people out there are waiting on the former) then you need a plan of action to change.

    I don't know what the right plan for you will look like. Honest. Hell I'm not sure what the right plan for me looks like. But let me make some strong suggestions of things to include in your plan.

    1) SEE A DOCTOR OR TWO!!! Seriously. Take it from one who knows, mental health is a big freakin' deal. And you need to know what your physical condition is and if you have any of a number of conditions that can make weight loss harder.

    2) Understand that other people are generally thinking of themselves, not you. Just like you do. That terrible judged feeling is mostly coming from inside you and it can cause you to push people away much faster than they reject you. If someone you thought was a friend actually rejects you then good riddance, try to hit them in the *kitten* with the door knob on their way out, and then play Joan Jett and the Blackhearts - Fake Friends at full volume a few times.

    3) I'm a member of AA and OA. I made no progress in these areas until I joined up. That doesn't mean these groups are magical or even a good idea for YOU. But try to find some kind of a group focused on the issues you want to address, hard as that may be. And if at ALL possible make it a group that meets in person. Believe me when I say there's nothing like a big warm room full of crazy people to jump start healing and change.

    4) While you're talking to those doctors ask them about exercise and LISTEN to what they say. Try to do some exercise outside. I find that makes a big change for me.

    5) Accept that changing yourself is NEVER easy and very rarely takes a straight path. Whatever your plan and however well it works you are almost certainly going to fall off it once or a hundred times. Just like everyone else. If you can pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and get back to work then you HAVE NOT FAILED.

    One final thought: When you're going through hell KEEP ON GOING!

    Okay, that's all the babble I have in me today. Good luck, take care of yourself, and get moving.

    John
    Alcoholic
    Depression
    Anxiety
    Compulsive overeater
    Crazy man
  • jdubois5351
    jdubois5351 Posts: 460 Member
    First of all, welcome. You've come to the right place. Now take a deeeeeeep breath.

    Don't give up hope. If you haven't done so, browse the success story section. There are many, many people who were in your shoes, and who have done what you now might think is impossible. It's not easy, no doubt about that, but it really is very simple. I sort of get were you're coming from, though I was nowhere near obese. I was still the fat friend in all the pictures, I hated having my picture taken. I was the one who could barely fit into cinema seats, let alone airplane seats. It was so uncomfortable. I hated looking in the mirror, because surely that fat old lady wasn't me?!

    Then I came across MFP, and it was as if the proverbial lightbulb went off in my head. All I, you and everyone else has to do is eat less than I burn, and the weight WILL come of, slowly but steadily, if you're honest to yourself. Which I am. I weigh/measure & log every bite that passes my lips. Sometimes I don't want to, because I know what it'll do to my budget, but hey, I'd only be cheating myself, so in it goes. I've seriously started on June 18th, and since then I've lost 10 lbs.

    Give yourself a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, what you want. I saw a meme on hear somewhere that said: "Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Pick your hard." An excellent sentiment, I think.
  • judipatootie
    judipatootie Posts: 51 Member
    It definitely itely sounds like you have some things to work out. My advice is to get professional help.

    It’s great that you’re eating better and exercising, but take it from me: I lost a lot of weight and I still wasn’t happy. I currently see a therapist and a psychologist to help me deal with the real issues.

    Keep up the good work though: exercise is good for the mind and the body: and eating healthy : not enough can be said about that. But it takes more than that.

    Be strong. I’m here if you need to reach out.

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