Stubborn husband refuses to eat healthy!

lizamann · August 2018

Hi all! My husband and I are both right around 50 and recently got bad blood work results. I don't need meds yet, just lifestyle changes. Husband is on statins but also got bad sugar results this time. Plus he has a kidney disease that is exacerbated by bad diet.

He has no interest in eating more healthy foods. I don't really know what to do about that. He goes as far as to order delivery or go to the restaurant down the street if I make myself something he doesn't want to eat. And he likes to cook, too, but that means steak or spam and egg sandwiches, which he just offered me. So this is really about both of us, since he tries to get me to eat badly, and I have to turn him down. He understands when I turn him down, but it's still hard.

Any tips?

nutmegoreo · August 2018

You only have control over you. Lead by example and maybe after some time he'll decide to follow. I know it sucks because you love him and want good things for him, but he has to want it for himself.

AnvilHead · August 2018

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

The harder you try, the more pushback you're probably going to get. He has to want to do it before it's going to happen.

kardsharp · August 2018

You can lead a horse to water but, you can't make them drink. Just eat & get healthy for yourself. Perhaps if he sees you leading a more healthy lifestyle, he follow suit!

blueraffi · August 2018

You do what is best for you. You look after yourself, you make your self happy and healthy. He's a grown man. If he chooses to eat poorly that's his choice. Can't do much about it. You look after yourself

2snakeswoman · August 2018

I'm in a similar situation, except my husband doesn't order out or go buy separate food; he makes himself something extra and/or complains. I swear, sometimes he reminds me of a whiny kid! As others said, all I can control is me, and in the past I've allowed myself to be derailed by his behavior, mostly because I love the same fatty and sugary stuff that he loves. So here I go again, trying to make different choices and solve my obesity problem (which he doesn't have by the way, although his cholesterol and triglyceride numbers are as bad as mine).

malibu927 · August 2018

If he wants it he’ll start. Until then, you can’t do much else.

Snowflake1968 · August 2018

I feel your pain, my husband is overweight suffers from headaches that I think are blood pressure related and had a family history of heart disease and diabetes. He hasn’t seen a doctor since 2000 when he had a finger amputated. He will eat what I prepare 90% of the time but when I ask him what to make its burgers, pizza, etc.

I don’t harp and nag I just take it as it goes although I do mention it occasionally. I figure if anything happens to him I don’t want our last years spent fighting. It’s the best I can do with the circumstances given. He is an adult not my child.

rcatrenna0623 · August 2018

Maybe plan a date night it could be at home with a candle light healthy meal you being the chef of course and express your feelings about him and you living a long healthy life get him to thinking about him how his life would change for the greater if he change his eating habits take it slow you can't rush it took time to gain so it will take time to lose suggest you cook for a week he can eat what he like in moderation too may carbs not good, too much sugar not good, research Keto or intermittent fasting is options and ask him to drink a glass of water before he eat that could help to feel full quick

elsie6hickman · August 2018

At the end of the day, it is his choice to make. Take care of yourself. You might try just sending articles to him about the implications of high sugar - don't say anything, just let him choose to read or not. When my husband got the stunning news that he now has Type 2, he immediately became very interested in changing his diet and lifestyle.

emjay196363 · August 2018

I'm in the same boat and agree about leading by example. He's totally uninterested in changing his eating but he's paying attention to the fact that I'm exercising and losing weight (although he's pretending not to.) I'm hoping that at some point he'll decide he can't let his wife be in better shape than he is and he'll get with the program out of sheer vanity.

TavistockToad · August 2018

You can't do anything.

Sit him down once and tell him you love him and you don't want him to die prematurely and you'll help him in any way you can, and then you just lead by example.

lizamann · August 2018

2snakeswoman wrote: »

So here I go again, trying to make different choices and solve my obesity problem (which he doesn't have by the way, although his cholesterol and triglyceride numbers are as bad as mine).

My husband isn't overweight, either, but his number are worse than mine (I am overweight.)

lizamann · August 2018

Thanks everyone. I know that I can't control what he eats. Sometimes I just feel sorry for myself and wish I had a supportive partner in this endeavor who'd love turkey burgers, veggies, and the occasional meatless meal. Gotta get over it and just do me!

kommodevaran · August 2018

Well, most people have no interest in eating healthy foods. Most people like delicious foods. Of course he would refuse to eat healthy, if the only alternatives are "healthy boring" foods and "unhealthy delicious" foods, and especially if he is scared, feels forced and without a say. But there is a large middle ground, so many foods and dishes and diets that are perfectly healthy and delicious. Have you talked about your situation, and what you both need and want and can do?

2baninja · August 2018

I agree with most of these postings, you can lead a horse to water, but.... the only other thing I can suggest is, if you are a good cook, you can try making healthy tasty dishes, (without him know it's healthy) and if he likes it, tell him after how healthy it was. Lots of time people don't want to try eating healthy because the junk tastes better.

ecrosby512 · August 2018

You all are very patient and kind. I refuse to cook two different meals, and have said out loud that I am not interested in nursing someone through the long degenerative health problems and early death that are coming the way of my husband who eats badly and drinks too much, despite doctors’ suggestions. What a family member does can’t be controlled, but that doesn’t mean it affects only him, unfortunately. It’s a tough situation.

88olds · August 2018

TavistockToad wrote: »

You can't do anything.

Sit him down once and tell him you love him and you don't want him to die prematurely and you'll help him in any way you can, and then you just lead by example.

This.

Will it change anything? Doubtful. But in the event of disaster, it may keep you from feeling guilty. But that sit down is a one time deal, start nagging and he’ll dig in his heels.

elsie6hickman · August 2018

Have you researched low carb and diabetic recipes? Most of them are very good and there are a ton of them out there. That way you don't have to cook multiple meals. Most of them are fairly low in calories too. That is where I got started with my husband, and I change it up with spices and herbs so we don't get bored. I can imagine it is frustrating, but my husband and I are both losing weight and we're both pretty happy about that.

lizamann · August 2018

elsie6hickman wrote: »

Have you researched low carb and diabetic recipes? Most of them are very good and there are a ton of them out there.

I was paleo for a few years, which I loved, and he liked a lot of the things I made. (Then I stopped being paleo and got fatter than ever. Which is what they say about fad diets, isn't it.)

Then he tried keto for a couple months and cooked all sorts of stuff, but then got bored or something after he got down to his college weight. Which was 130 pounds. He is now 145, still not overweight for his height.

But his triclycerides, cholesterol, and sugar are worse than mine.

It's an image thing with him. Doesn't matter how it tastes, if it's not red meat and potatoes, he doesn't like it on principle. I've made chili with turkey in it that tastes fine, but if he sees the turkey package he won't eat it, even if he's already tasted it and declared it fine.

He cooks all the time, but it's burgers, steaks, hot dogs, eggs and spam. With a side of potato chips and no veggies or salad. There are so many times he's made dinner for me and it was literally a steak on a plate. A delicious steak for sure, but nothing to go with it. He's extreme.

More talking. I have joked with him about his term life insurance policy that runs out in 5 years. I've told him that if he's going to die early, to please do it before he turns 56 so I at least get that benefit. It makes him laugh. I think we can nudge it a bit healthier, it will just take some time.

Thanks everyone.

debrakgoogins · August 2018

My husband was the same way. I couldn't force him to make a change. He changed on his own, by a happy accident. One day, I chose a Netflix show called "Fat to Finish Line" which is about a group of individuals from all over the country who come together to run a relay race. They each had lost an average of 100 pounds. It's not a dcoumentary touting a special diet or anything like that - just about some remarkable people who accomplished a remarkable goal. One of the women on the show had started divorce proceedings because her lifestyle had changed so much from her husbands and they were headed in opposite directions healthwise. Although this isn't the situation with my husband and me, he looked at me and said, I'll start going to the gym with you. Let's go now and we did. We didn't finish watching the show until a few weeks later. It turns out that the husband in the show turned his health around and they are still married. My husband has been going to the gym with me several times a week for a month now and helps choose the menu. He's discovered he likes boxing. It wasn't intended, but that show helped my husband realize that long-term health is an important part of a marriage.

Stubborn husband refuses to eat healthy!

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