Stubborn husband refuses to eat healthy!

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Replies

  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    My husband was the same way. I couldn't force him to make a change. He changed on his own, by a happy accident. One day, I chose a Netflix show called "Fat to Finish Line" which is about a group of individuals from all over the country who come together to run a relay race. They each had lost an average of 100 pounds. It's not a dcoumentary touting a special diet or anything like that - just about some remarkable people who accomplished a remarkable goal. One of the women on the show had started divorce proceedings because her lifestyle had changed so much from her husbands and they were headed in opposite directions healthwise. Although this isn't the situation with my husband and me, he looked at me and said, I'll start going to the gym with you. Let's go now and we did. We didn't finish watching the show until a few weeks later. It turns out that the husband in the show turned his health around and they are still married. My husband has been going to the gym with me several times a week for a month now and helps choose the menu. He's discovered he likes boxing. It wasn't intended, but that show helped my husband realize that long-term health is an important part of a marriage.

    I enjoyed that show. It was quite inspiring.
  • debrakgoogins
    debrakgoogins Posts: 2,034 Member
    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    I enjoyed that show. It was quite inspiring.

    It really is. I listen to it sometimes when I don't feel like getting on the treadmill. It's now my go-to for overcoming excuses.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    you cannot change him.
    you can tell him your concern but after saying it once, it's just nagging.
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
    Changing diet preferences takes time. I understand there is some medical urgency involved, but tastes and habits don’t change overnight.

    My live-in boyfriend and I have worked on changing to healthier eating habits for a couple of years now. We still eat things like pasta carbonara occasionally, but on the whole our meals are a lot healthier. It started with little things, like reducing animal fats and adding more veggies. We were huge pasta lovers (I’m gluten free for medical reasons now so we’re saving both money and carbs by eating pasta less often now), so we started by trying out different recipes and pasta sauces that aren’t cream-based, and adding some veggies to every sauce. Frozen diced onions and frozen chopped spinach are constant staples, you can add them to soooo many things. Then, we started experimenting with oven roasted veggies, salads and different stir frys. By different stir frys I mean we always buy a frozen stir fry veggie mix and just add whatever protein source we want. We have also been experimenting with vegetarian protein sources and foods, and the end result is this: instead of eating three different pasta, burger or tex-mex dishes this week Mon-Wed, yesterday we had a palak paneer -type vegetarian dish with loads of spinach, today we are making a tofu stir fry and tomorrow, instead of getting a creamy pasta carbonara with loads of bacon, we are making a pasta bake with halloumi cheese, a tomato based sauce, veggies (spinach, onions and cherry tomatoes) and a little bit of bacon.

    Both of us indulge in foods the other one doesn’t like when they’re not home for dinner. My boyfriend usually did chicken wings or the amount of pasta carbonara we would split in two, and eat it by himself. He still does the chicken wings sometimes, but more than once I’ve heard he did a giant stir fry with simply more spices than I can handle. His idea of rockin’ good dinner when he can choose for himself is now a gigantic plate of spicy veggies. It took a couple of years, but looking back the progress is visible.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    You can only control yourself. Trying to control someone else is only going to stress you and may cause resentment in the person you want to change. Lead by example. My husband and I are in our 60’s. After about 8 months, my husband decided to go for it too. There’s always hope.
  • Panini911
    Panini911 Posts: 2,325 Member
    I agree with all the above.

    One possible idea is maybe finding meals that are not quite as "healthy". Or with swaps that make them healthier but not appear as healthy if that makes any sense. Not sure how drastic a change your healthy meals are but a big change can require too much mental commitment and turn someone off. So finding "healthiER" options/simple swaps that make previous meals "better" is a better first step?

    but ultimately it is up to him.
  • mulecanter
    mulecanter Posts: 1,792 Member
    Pretty young to be on meds with bad blood results. Maybe encouraging exercise is a better tactic. Buy him a speedo and tell him you REALLY want to see him swimming in it. ;)
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    A way my family has tried new foods in a fun way has been to get a cookbook for a particular region and try a bunch of things or have a weekly movie night and try a food that goes with something about the movie. You might do something like that to introduce eating new things.

    I would have a conversation about how he feels about his health condition, what he is doing or could be doing to manage his health and what you are doing to manage yours. The goal is health but it doesn't have to all be the same path and maybe he could come up with ways to improve his situation on his own.
    My dh got the zombies, run app and has been walking more on his own. He is taking more fruit in his lunch and has cut down on pop and ice cream. These were changes he came to on his own.

    Ultimately he is an adult and has to decide to care and make changes for himself.
  • dechowj
    dechowj Posts: 148 Member
    I understand how hard that can be. My family is in the same boat with my father and my father-in-law. (Both very very stubborn.) I have found that they both automatically shun a meal if we present it as healthy or good for you. So even when I make a healthy version of a meal I just call it something yummy sounding. The words I use make a huge difference in how it is accepted.

    Also, the three cooks (my mother, my mother-in-law, and myself) just took things slow and started making healthy changes to how we cooked. (I still made healthier things for me and my kids, but now the men's comfort food was still healthier than before.) We did things like adding veggies into favorite dishes (shredded zucchini in meatloaf or tiny cauliflower in mac and cheese), swapping out regular pasta for whole wheat pasta, having more chicken and fish meals each week than beef, using the air fryer instead of the deep fryer, using sauces or spices and stopped making gravy, using 1/3 the amount of sugar when making koolaid or lemon-aid, buying only halo ice cream, making snack dips with Greek yogurt instead of sour cream, having salad on the table ready to eat before even serving the main meal. All of the little changes over time helped a lot. My father is now even off his cholesterol meds.

    But in the end you only really have power over yourself. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
  • Scubdup
    Scubdup Posts: 104 Member
    Managing the behaviour of others is tricky!

    What are his motivators?

    Could it be that the numbers of the page of the health check are too abstract and remote to galvanise him?

    If he's not overweight, then it seems like exercise would be a better alternative to massive changes in diet, perhaps. Is there a sport or fitness activity he could get (back?) into?

    It's sooooo much easier if you have support, so I can imagine how tough it is for you without him helping. Have you told him that?



  • Debmal77
    Debmal77 Posts: 4,770 Member
    My husband was the same way a few years ago. Now he is at the lowest weight he has been in 40 years. You can only fix you. Hopefully, he will come around.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
    That's sad, I'm sorry. Only thing you can really do is tell him you love him and don't want him to die prematurely and will help him get healthier if he wants, and lead by example.
  • kristingjertsen
    kristingjertsen Posts: 239 Member
    My mom told me that "people change when the consequences of staying the same becomes too painful to bear." The reality is that you are not going to be able to change another person's eating or exercise habits. Take care of yourself. Cook healthy food and exercise and ignore any negative feedback about being a controlling health nut. Let him eat what he wants to eat and set his own activity level. I feel your frustration--spouse with BMI of 44, many health issues, family history of diabetes, stroke, cancer, and heart disease, eating a very poor diet, and sedentary. Even his doctors cannot influence his decisions because "they don't know what they are talking about." When your husband is ready, all you will have to do is get out of his way and let him fix it himself.
  • thechiopodist
    thechiopodist Posts: 216 Member
    2baninja wrote: »
    I agree with most of these postings, you can lead a horse to water, but.... the only other thing I can suggest is, if you are a good cook, you can try making healthy tasty dishes, (without him know it's healthy) and if he likes it, tell him after how healthy it was. Lots of time people don't want to try eating healthy because the junk tastes better.

    I agree, except don't tell him it's healthy. Cook the foods he likes but slip in healthy ingredients, grill the steak, fry the eggs in 1 cal spray oil, then add veg. No food is totally off the menu, but gradually add healthier foods to the ones he likes.
  • emmamcgarity
    emmamcgarity Posts: 1,593 Member
    You do you.

    That said, if there are any healthy options he likes, keep them on hand in abundance. Mine does not like many healthy foods but he happens to really like cucumbers. So I serve them as a salad often. He also likes salmon. So I make sure to have it on hand often. Over time I have noticed that he tries my low-fat low carb yogurt and I have increased the quantity I have on hand. Grapes are another item he snacks on when available. Mine likely will always eat poorly overall but at least it’s easy for him to make a few better choices.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    You have to let him make his own choices. Sure, it's hard watching him make the wrong ones, but chances are the more you try to get him to change, the more he'll dig in his heels and refuse to do so.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    I’m the cook. We’re almost a decade older than you two, but we have to pay attention to blood work too. Like your hubby, mine is particular in his eating habits.

    The one factor I have going for me is that he does care about his health and wants to eat healthy. As long as it doesn’t include chickpeas, lentils, tofu, couscous, ginger, or fish.

    Over the years I’ve reformed our eating habits, making notes on which recipes were winners and those are repeated.

    Here are some things to try:
    - make a fresh attractive salad daily that you include at lunch and dinner. He takes as little or as much as he likes. The same for you. You eat more salad and less spam.
    - Invest in an Actifry and make his fried favourites with a fraction of the oil.
    - He doesn’t like bare naked chicken breasts? Meet him half way and bread them before baking them.
    - If there is a vegetable he likes, serve it often. I have a large bag of corn in my freezer.
    - We now have our Sunday pancakes with fruit and yogurt instead of bacon.