So called friends

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gemmie_c
gemmie_c Posts: 129 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have a very good friend who is a wonderful friend in all other ways apart from dieting-she has never had a weight problem.
I am constantly being told that I am setting myself up to fail and all these negative things. We meet up for dinner once a week-I usually cook but tonight we are going to hers. This friend knows I am calorie counting-I even showed her the website (only had neagtive things to say about it-typically). I asked her what we are eating for dinenr tonight and she responded that she didn't know!
What am I meant to do? I can't plan my food accordingly. I have left 630 calories for dinner-I'm just not going to eat it all if its bad. Drives me nuts.

Rant over. ;)

Replies

  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    I dunno if I could stand people like that sabotaging my hard work. Personally, if I found myself in your situation I would probably cut her off. Anyways, in case it's a fat filled/high calorie dinner, can you maybe save all your calories for the dinner? I would probably do that.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
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    I myself wouldn't go round. Or do a really hardcore workout so you have extra calories in case the inevitable. Also drink lots of water before you eat so you feel fuller on less.

    I know how frustrated you must feel, I have similar 'friends' too!
  • mtkautz
    mtkautz Posts: 218 Member
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    Ugh. I'm sorry, I hate when this happens! Especially when my mom is cooking, and shoving as much butter into a meal as possible, that's when I hijack the cooking...
    My advice, since this friend is very 'supportive' towards you trying to improve your health.... pack a large salad with a bunch of fresh veggies. When she asks why you did that, say "you didn't tell me what we were eating, and I pre-plan my food for the day" That way you can have a small portion of whatever she is making with your large salad. Problem solved.
  • candb
    candb Posts: 238
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    It's difficult enough to change your lifestyle, let alone doing it without support from friends & family. I would recommend drinking a bunch of water before you go, maybe saving a high protein snack for a little before you go over. Just eat reasonably and you should be fine. If you think you went over than do some more exercises when you get home to make up the difference.
  • jfinnivan
    jfinnivan Posts: 360 Member
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    If she cooks something high in calories, just eat a smaller amount. Maybe she'll take the hint.
  • gemmie_c
    gemmie_c Posts: 129 Member
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    Fab tips guys-thank you for being the rock I need when I can't count on those that I should be able to.

    I'm probably still going to only-only I am going to walk over and hope for the best dinner wise-only eating a small portion of anything high calorie. I will say no to pudding (if one emerges) and take an apple with me for the walk home if needs be.

    I always pander to their food likes/dislikes-why can't they return the favour.

    Gurr.
  • debbieschu
    debbieschu Posts: 7
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    I agree. It's a shame when this happens. She should respect and recognize that you're trying to get yourself on the road to health again! It's tough enough even with support but at least you're prepared and these tips are excellent! Keep it up!
  • jarrettd
    jarrettd Posts: 872 Member
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    I would examine this friendship carefully. Sounds like a one-sided deal to me. Friends support each other. If this is her attitude toward you in everything, she has a self-esteem problem. She's feeling threatened by the potential postiive changes in you and needs to squash your success so she can continue to feel better about herself.

    It's hard, but I have had to leave friendships like this behind. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who have the qualities you would like to cultivate in yourself.

    Good luck!
  • THCamel
    THCamel Posts: 54 Member
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    "A lot of times our biggest obstacle in weight loss is not ourselves but other people. Stand your ground, stick to your guns and keep moving forward. Take a break from negative people if they just don’t get the hint. I’m not telling you to end a lifelong relationship, but if your best friend is constantly giving you negative feedback then you need to separate yourself from that friend, at least for a while. They can realize that you are serious about your new plan to become a healthier you. IF they are true friends, they will realize that this is what is best for you and hopefully they will decide to join you in your new journey. Or at least they might support you. But, if not, you may need to evaluate your relationship to see if it is truly healthy for you in the first place."

    - Shamefully plagiarised from http://caloriecount.about.com/weight-loss-sabotage-deal-disabling-enabler-ft182349

    I'd stay the course, true friends wont be offended :)
  • giaciccone
    giaciccone Posts: 257
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    I mean... If we're being honest here... She's jealous. She's jealous that you're actually sticking to something, being positive & (you're most likely) getting positive attention for your good behavior. Even though your friend has never had a weight problem, she's probably one of those people that hates getting the spotlight taken off of her - trust me, I know plenty of people like that. She's just really jealous, which means, as much as you say she's a great friend, she's actually a crappy friend. True friends will stick by you & support you because they want to see you happy... this girl is just a capital B-I-T... you get the picture.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    come prepared. I always pack an apple in my bag. That way if you have to eat smaller, you can fill up on something healthier. Nothing should be off limits in a successful diet plan.

    Im sorry.... but I have little patience for people who go out of their way to be negative or sabotage. I used to excuse it away but Ive learned that if they are a true friend/support... they will want whats best for you. I wouldnt tolerate this from a friend. Maybe have a talk with her this evening about what you need from her.
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
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    Ditch her. Ever heard of anti-obesity advocate Meme Roth? She's a total *kitten* but she's right. She believes in "ditching your fat friends". I really don't talk to my larger, unmotivated friends anymore. Kind of makes me one, too...but it's taken me to good places. Peer pressure effects us. You grow into a different person...if you're committed to this lifestyle. Happend to me.
  • jwerman
    jwerman Posts: 176
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    Ugh. I'm sorry, I hate when this happens! Especially when my mom is cooking, and shoving as much butter into a meal as possible, that's when I hijack the cooking...
    My advice, since this friend is very 'supportive' towards you trying to improve your health.... pack a large salad with a bunch of fresh veggies. When she asks why you did that, say "you didn't tell me what we were eating, and I pre-plan my food for the day" That way you can have a small portion of whatever she is making with your large salad. Problem solved.
    I totally agree! Bring something you KNOW you can eat without guilt! Maybe even make a little healthy side dish to share with her, so she can experience healthy and tasty eating too!
    Most of all though, as far as the friendship thing goes...if you are super close and she continues to be a hater, tell her..." I refuse to let you sabatoge my weight loss efforts." And don't listen to the guilting, the pissed off remarks,etc... if she is a true friend, she should support you!
  • deniseg31
    deniseg31 Posts: 667 Member
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    Gosh, with friends like that who needs enemys?! LOL! To me it sounds to me like she's the friend that always hangs around because she feels good about being the "thin" one and now that you are losing weight and getting in shape she feels threatend by your new found confidence and dedication. She's lame....

    I say save a lot of your calories and workout before you go over if possible and if she ends up cooking heavy just eat a little and drink tons of water.
  • nilla128
    nilla128 Posts: 30 Member
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    I mean... If we're being honest here... She's jealous. She's jealous that you're actually sticking to something, being positive & (you're most likely) getting positive attention for your good behavior. Even though your friend has never had a weight problem, she's probably one of those people that hates getting the spotlight taken off of her - trust me, I know plenty of people like that. She's just really jealous, which means, as much as you say she's a great friend, she's actually a crappy friend. True friends will stick by you & support you because they want to see you happy... this girl is just a capital B-I-T... you get the picture.

    I was thinking exactly the same thing.

    Work out extra hard, save some extra calories and then eat her meal but TELL her of the extra effort you put in because you knew she wouldn't support you by preparing a low cal meal. You Win!!

    Remember, when you reach your goal you will be slim and happy, and she will still be slim and mean.
  • LaraRN
    LaraRN Posts: 128 Member
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    Hmmm..... Maybe you should have a talk with your friend and "agree to disagree" regarding your diet and plan your get togethers around something other than food. Maybe change the weekly plan to a movie, shopping, a walk, etc. She sounds like a good friend in every other aspect - so maybe you should just exclude her from this part of your life. Good luck!

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