Moving forward?!?!

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jenny138
jenny138 Posts: 46
in Motivation and Support
How do you get past that fat, ugly, unattractive, gross mindset after you’ve lost weight? I have zero self -confidence and have the hardest time talking to guys. The whole time I do I am thinking in my head how they are probably repulsed by me. I am almost 30 and still single. A single mom at that. Sometimes I am ok with being single, I don’t have to answer to anyone and can do things my own way. But when I look at couple, sometimes I get really sad when they are all ‘happy and in love’. I want that too! But I can’t seem to get my mind away from thinking that nobody wants a fat girl… But wait,... I’m not that fat girl anymore!!!! I’m sure I am not the only one who has had this problem? How do I step outside that shell of insecurity??

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  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
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    I feel the same way as you sometimes, and I'm only 19! I see couples all the time at my university, and all around town. I just remind myself how far I've come, how far I'll go, and how if I decide to be with someone, they'll love me for me. :)

    EDIT: And even after losing a lot of weight, I still had trouble finding that confidence as well. What helped me was hearing other people notice, and changing what I told myself when looking in the mirror.
  • SoldierDad
    SoldierDad Posts: 1,602
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    How do you get past that fat, ugly, unattractive, gross mindset after you’ve lost weight? I have zero self -confidence and have the hardest time talking to guys. The whole time I do I am thinking in my head how they are probably repulsed by me. I am almost 30 and still single. A single mom at that. Sometimes I am ok with being single, I don’t have to answer to anyone and can do things my own way. But when I look at couple, sometimes I get really sad when they are all ‘happy and in love’. I want that too! But I can’t seem to get my mind away from thinking that nobody wants a fat girl… But wait,... I’m not that fat girl anymore!!!! I’m sure I am not the only one who has had this problem? How do I step outside that shell of insecurity??


    Darling you are absolutely gorgeous and you were gorgeous before you ever lost a pound. If any man finds you less than stunning he isn't worth your time anyway! The real problem is you have to let the old hurt go. Shatter those shackles of self doubt and accept that you are worthy of love, affection and blessings. Youa re amazing! It's a process but you will get there!
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
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    Honey, I can feel every pain you do. I am going through a divorce, so I am back at the "dating scene" again which I have always hated by the way. I am down 50 lbs, and still feel the "ugly and fat" feeling. I am not as "flat" as I thought I would be so close to my goal, but we are all different. You are beautiful, and it is hard to get past that feeling. Just remind yourself how far you have come with pictures (I just posted before and after pics today on my profile for the reminder). It does help. Hold your head high - you deserve someone who will worship you. Oh by the way, I have a single mom too of 2 babies, so I feel the pain there as well.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    As you say yourself it really is more internal than external pressure that's hurting you here. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you anyone else can be comfortable with you. You have to believe that you are a worthwhile person and that somebody would be lucky to have you (I'll give you a hint: you are and they would be). That's the first step. You might want to consider seeing someone, or if you have a good friend/confidant that could help too. Having someone to talk to about all this is big.

    Be happy with yourself and who you are and the emotional connection with another will follow.

    Good Luck!
  • Irishoneof11
    Irishoneof11 Posts: 11
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    First of all, you are a beautiful WOMAN! Of course my words won't change anything!

    Start here...Start with your vocabulary and try getting used to 'comanding' more for and of yourself.

    Fake it till you make it, but ... begin...

    I am here not knowing how to diet, I don't have a clue what I'm doing, but I have to believe I will 'get' it!

    I want it, and only I can 'get' it!

    Start your new life with small steps and obviously you have, but now make your mind take those steps also...

    It's all a process...for all of us!!!
  • jackieb79
    jackieb79 Posts: 58
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    First off, you need to change your belief that nobody wants a fat girl. There are LOTS of fat girls who have wonderful husbands/boyfriends. True, we might not get hit on as much in bars/clubs, or be the first choice for one-night stands, but we do just fine at finding partners for real relationships. So even if you still think of yourself as fat after losing the weight, don't think that doesn't mean you wouldn't be a wonderful partner that somebody would adore and appreciate.

    There is no easy way to get over your insecurity other than to just put yourself out there. You may feel uncomfortable at first, but just don't let that stop you from getting out there and meeting people and showing them how wonderful you are.
  • jenny138
    jenny138 Posts: 46
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    How do you get past that fat, ugly, unattractive, gross mindset after you’ve lost weight? I have zero self -confidence and have the hardest time talking to guys. The whole time I do I am thinking in my head how they are probably repulsed by me. I am almost 30 and still single. A single mom at that. Sometimes I am ok with being single, I don’t have to answer to anyone and can do things my own way. But when I look at couple, sometimes I get really sad when they are all ‘happy and in love’. I want that too! But I can’t seem to get my mind away from thinking that nobody wants a fat girl… But wait,... I’m not that fat girl anymore!!!! I’m sure I am not the only one who has had this problem? How do I step outside that shell of insecurity??


    Darling you are absolutely gorgeous and you were gorgeous before you ever lost a pound. If any man finds you less than stunning he isn't worth your time anyway! The real problem is you have to let the old hurt go. Shatter those shackles of self doubt and accept that you are worthy of love, affection and blessings. Youa re amazing! It's a process but you will get there!

    Thank you.. that kinda made me tear up :-)
  • AmberLiscous
    AmberLiscous Posts: 644 Member
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    I am married so talking to guys is not an issue for me....but i do have a problem with having my picture taken! It sounds funny but when I see someone with a camera pointed in my direction i freak out and run.....I never have liked my picture being taken unless i do it myself....because if i do it myself at least i can delete it if it is a bad pic lol.....I must agree with soldierdad though....you are beautiful but unfortunately we get our mind set that we are ugly and no one will love us! You need to convince yourself that you are beautiful and you are worth it....like a friend of mine says....Own Your Hotness!!!!!
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    I completely understand and feel the same way. I know I need to start dating again (after getting out of a long relationship) but I don't really know how to deal with my insecurity either.
  • boosmama98
    boosmama98 Posts: 38 Member
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    I found an amazing book that helped me as I began my journey years ago, and it helped me to change my focus. I read it once, years ago and took some of the tips to help me get started, and now I am reading it again, as I continue, and highlighting things that I think would be helpful to me now. It is called Secrets from a Former Fat Girl by Lisa Delaney. I think it is absolutely amazing and has some really great tips. There is also a website, spry.com, which feeds from the book and sends out a weekly newsletter. Hopefully there is something that you can take from it. :happy:

    ~Jessica~

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