Starting Again for the Last Time

Did you ever just get tired of something? When you just can't stand another moment of the life you're living and need to change before you lose your mind? That's me. I've been feeling this way for a while now, but it wasn't until this morning that I have made a decision to change my life for good.

After going on my usual everyone has gone to bed binge eating spree, I woke up this morning feeling absolutely dreadful. I felt dizzy (I had no protein in my system at all - just sugar and pre-processed foods), I felt lethargic (even though I had 7 hours of solid sleep), I was moody and didn't even want to play with my son. I made my way downstairs and laid on the couch watching cartoons with my son. I drifted in and out until I heard the words, "Mommy, play with me!" I've heard these words a thousand times and I've turned them down more often that I should have. Shame on me. I turned them down because I am rundown. I am rundown because I have failed to take care of myself, and that isn't fair to my son or to me.

In that moment I made a decision. I decided to pass on the donuts in the cupboard for breakfast, and ate eggs instead. (I'm calling this my first NSV). It was blah and boring to me, but I know that I'll feel better soon with protein in my system. I know that I can't pick the things I want anymore and that I have to retrain my palate. I know I have to be intentional in my choices and focus hard on what is best for me. I can't just live life and eat what feels good - I have to understand what I am putting into my body and the negative or positive effect it can have. I realize this is going to require a lot of change on my part, and I'm okay with that. In the end, it will be worth it.

This isn't my first rodeo. I've tried to lose weight more times than I can count. In the past 10 years I have gained approximately 70 pounds, and none of which I am proud of. It is not my goal to be super skinny or athletic, but to be healthy. I'm tired of the yo-yo diet experience where I get on board for a day or two and then screw up once so I blow the whole thing. I'm tired of not being healthy and wanting to do things with my son. I'm tired of not feeling comfortable in my own skin and hiding behind baggy clothes so no one will see my rolls. So I'm setting new goals for myself and forcing myself to stick with them.

I'm going to put them here so I can come back and remind myself of what they are when I need motivation or lose my focus.

1) To be healthy

2) To take this one day at a time, and not expect to see huge loses every time I step on the scale. I'm giving myself two years to lose 70 pounds.

3) To be faithful and not intentionally blow my entire diet because I ate something that was less than ideal. You know the logic - oh, I ate a candy bar so I might as well eat a bag of Oreos too. That's out. If I eat the candy bar, I'll log it and keep pressing on.

4) To realize that my worth and value does not lie in the number on the scale or the size on the tag of my clothes. That I am better than that and more important than a number.

5) To be successful, and know that mistakes may happen but it is up to me to use those mistakes as lessons instead of defeats.

6) To make slow and gradual changes without overhauling everything on the first day. For the next 40 days I am going to make 5 changes...(1) - Log everything I eat - (2) - Not drink my calories with the exception of milk - (3) - Stop eating after 8:00 pm - (4) - Go to bed by 10:30 pm (5) - Not eat fast food

Well there you have it - where I've been, where I am and where I want to be. I'm looking forward to the journey. I know it will be hard, but nothing easy is ever worth having. Being fat and unhealthy is easy. That's for the birds.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Replies

  • safiasamih
    safiasamih Posts: 3 Member
    very motivational and inspiring...you can defo do it with the right mind set bit most important is to have endurance and stick or through..you can do it !fighting !!
  • TonyFitGuy
    TonyFitGuy Posts: 14 Member
    Congrats to you! You have got your mindset in the right place. Wishing you good fortune.
  • stewarm01
    stewarm01 Posts: 331 Member

    Good luck.
  • 77jml
    77jml Posts: 14 Member
    Good luck to you.

    You can do this.
  • 12Sarah2015
    12Sarah2015 Posts: 1,126 Member
    All the best
  • deepwoodslady
    deepwoodslady Posts: 5,802 Member
    I hope you will join some great self challenges like
    :
    Just give me 10 days round 53.

    Fall weight loss challenge 2018

    12 week challenge starting August 26

    In these challenges you will owe nobody anything. But it really keeps me accountable even when I slip.
    I do have a bingeing problem at times. I log it, admit it on my challenges and move on. Even my mishaps help others see that you don't have to be perfect to lose weight.

    Congrats to you on deciding to get healthy and be more present for you son. I am sure you can do this. It is sometimes a slow journey with a winding path, but you will get to that goal eventually. Remember, you may give in at times, but never give up.

    Some of these challenges have already started but it's only logging so it's never too late to jump in.
    My very best wishes to you. You got this!
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,118 Member
    2) To take this one day at a time, and not expect to see huge loses every time I step on the scale. I'm giving myself two years to lose 70 pounds.

    In my humble opinion, this is the most important one. With this one, the rest will follow. You CAN do this. Good luck!
  • moogie_fit
    moogie_fit Posts: 276 Member
    Did you ever just get tired of something? When you just can't stand another moment of the life you're living and need to change before you lose your mind? That's me. I've been feeling this way for a while now, but it wasn't until this morning that I have made a decision to change my life for good.

    After going on my usual everyone has gone to bed binge eating spree, I woke up this morning feeling absolutely dreadful. I felt dizzy (I had no protein in my system at all - just sugar and pre-processed foods), I felt lethargic (even though I had 7 hours of solid sleep), I was moody and didn't even want to play with my son. I made my way downstairs and laid on the couch watching cartoons with my son. I drifted in and out until I heard the words, "Mommy, play with me!" I've heard these words a thousand times and I've turned them down more often that I should have. Shame on me. I turned them down because I am rundown. I am rundown because I have failed to take care of myself, and that isn't fair to my son or to me.

    In that moment I made a decision. I decided to pass on the donuts in the cupboard for breakfast, and ate eggs instead. (I'm calling this my first NSV). It was blah and boring to me, but I know that I'll feel better soon with protein in my system. I know that I can't pick the things I want anymore and that I have to retrain my palate. I know I have to be intentional in my choices and focus hard on what is best for me. I can't just live life and eat what feels good - I have to understand what I am putting into my body and the negative or positive effect it can have. I realize this is going to require a lot of change on my part, and I'm okay with that. In the end, it will be worth it.

    This isn't my first rodeo. I've tried to lose weight more times than I can count. In the past 10 years I have gained approximately 70 pounds, and none of which I am proud of. It is not my goal to be super skinny or athletic, but to be healthy. I'm tired of the yo-yo diet experience where I get on board for a day or two and then screw up once so I blow the whole thing. I'm tired of not being healthy and wanting to do things with my son. I'm tired of not feeling comfortable in my own skin and hiding behind baggy clothes so no one will see my rolls. So I'm setting new goals for myself and forcing myself to stick with them.

    I'm going to put them here so I can come back and remind myself of what they are when I need motivation or lose my focus.

    1) To be healthy

    2) To take this one day at a time, and not expect to see huge loses every time I step on the scale. I'm giving myself two years to lose 70 pounds.

    3) To be faithful and not intentionally blow my entire diet because I ate something that was less than ideal. You know the logic - oh, I ate a candy bar so I might as well eat a bag of Oreos too. That's out. If I eat the candy bar, I'll log it and keep pressing on.

    4) To realize that my worth and value does not lie in the number on the scale or the size on the tag of my clothes. That I am better than that and more important than a number.

    5) To be successful, and know that mistakes may happen but it is up to me to use those mistakes as lessons instead of defeats.

    6) To make slow and gradual changes without overhauling everything on the first day. For the next 40 days I am going to make 5 changes...(1) - Log everything I eat - (2) - Not drink my calories with the exception of milk - (3) - Stop eating after 8:00 pm - (4) - Go to bed by 10:30 pm (5) - Not eat fast food

    Well there you have it - where I've been, where I am and where I want to be. I'm looking forward to the journey. I know it will be hard, but nothing easy is ever worth having. Being fat and unhealthy is easy. That's for the birds.

    Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

    Why not eat after 8 pm. Obvuosuyl you like eating at night. I would just plan calories accordingly. Lots of ppl have victory using OMAD
  • kirstywhit33
    kirstywhit33 Posts: 1 Member
    I can relate to your post and today have woken up just as you did and decided that enough is enough!
    I wish you all the best and should you fancy a diet pal then I’d be happy to do this together xx
  • bijarkhan
    bijarkhan Posts: 157 Member
    Kirsty....This is happened to me too at 4am today. I wonder if Hurricane Florence has impacted our conscience??? Hmmm. You can add me as a friend if you like, I certainly need a diet pal or as they call it a pal for the "lifetime changes or was it lifestyle changes".
  • purplicious86
    purplicious86 Posts: 43 Member
    I am adding you.

    I want to be healthy too not necessarly skin or slim. I want to feel good.

    Thank you for sharing this.
  • Ph33nix83
    Ph33nix83 Posts: 2 Member
    This post is exactly what I needed to see. It shows me that I’m not alone in my battle. I have been especially hard on myself when I didn’t see a change in the scale. I couldn’t even lose weight for my wedding. It’s going to be different this time around.
  • DebTavares
    DebTavares Posts: 87 Member
    #3 Is really important as it speaks to moderation. You can save tonnes of calories each year by eliminating all or nothing thinking. Best of luck.
  • Renewed2008
    Renewed2008 Posts: 11 Member
    moogie_fit wrote: »
    Did you ever just get tired of something? When you just can't stand another moment of the life you're living and need to change before you lose your mind? That's me. I've been feeling this way for a while now, but it wasn't until this morning that I have made a decision to change my life for good.

    After going on my usual everyone has gone to bed binge eating spree, I woke up this morning feeling absolutely dreadful. I felt dizzy (I had no protein in my system at all - just sugar and pre-processed foods), I felt lethargic (even though I had 7 hours of solid sleep), I was moody and didn't even want to play with my son. I made my way downstairs and laid on the couch watching cartoons with my son. I drifted in and out until I heard the words, "Mommy, play with me!" I've heard these words a thousand times and I've turned them down more often that I should have. Shame on me. I turned them down because I am rundown. I am rundown because I have failed to take care of myself, and that isn't fair to my son or to me.

    In that moment I made a decision. I decided to pass on the donuts in the cupboard for breakfast, and ate eggs instead. (I'm calling this my first NSV). It was blah and boring to me, but I know that I'll feel better soon with protein in my system. I know that I can't pick the things I want anymore and that I have to retrain my palate. I know I have to be intentional in my choices and focus hard on what is best for me. I can't just live life and eat what feels good - I have to understand what I am putting into my body and the negative or positive effect it can have. I realize this is going to require a lot of change on my part, and I'm okay with that. In the end, it will be worth it.

    This isn't my first rodeo. I've tried to lose weight more times than I can count. In the past 10 years I have gained approximately 70 pounds, and none of which I am proud of. It is not my goal to be super skinny or athletic, but to be healthy. I'm tired of the yo-yo diet experience where I get on board for a day or two and then screw up once so I blow the whole thing. I'm tired of not being healthy and wanting to do things with my son. I'm tired of not feeling comfortable in my own skin and hiding behind baggy clothes so no one will see my rolls. So I'm setting new goals for myself and forcing myself to stick with them.

    I'm going to put them here so I can come back and remind myself of what they are when I need motivation or lose my focus.

    1) To be healthy

    2) To take this one day at a time, and not expect to see huge loses every time I step on the scale. I'm giving myself two years to lose 70 pounds.

    3) To be faithful and not intentionally blow my entire diet because I ate something that was less than ideal. You know the logic - oh, I ate a candy bar so I might as well eat a bag of Oreos too. That's out. If I eat the candy bar, I'll log it and keep pressing on.

    4) To realize that my worth and value does not lie in the number on the scale or the size on the tag of my clothes. That I am better than that and more important than a number.

    5) To be successful, and know that mistakes may happen but it is up to me to use those mistakes as lessons instead of defeats.

    6) To make slow and gradual changes without overhauling everything on the first day. For the next 40 days I am going to make 5 changes...(1) - Log everything I eat - (2) - Not drink my calories with the exception of milk - (3) - Stop eating after 8:00 pm - (4) - Go to bed by 10:30 pm (5) - Not eat fast food

    Well there you have it - where I've been, where I am and where I want to be. I'm looking forward to the journey. I know it will be hard, but nothing easy is ever worth having. Being fat and unhealthy is easy. That's for the birds.

    Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

    Why not eat after 8 pm. Obvuosuyl you like eating at night. I would just plan calories accordingly. Lots of ppl have victory using OMAD



    I stopped eating after 8pm because that is when I am most likely to binge. It's something that I have to do to help myself. I'm not interested in the OMAD diet, but thank you for the suggestion.
  • Renewed2008
    Renewed2008 Posts: 11 Member
    Ph33nix83 wrote: »
    This post is exactly what I needed to see. It shows me that I’m not alone in my battle. I have been especially hard on myself when I didn’t see a change in the scale. I couldn’t even lose weight for my wedding. It’s going to be different this time around.

    I'm sending you a friend request! I completely understand where you are at. I too couldn't lose weight for my wedding. I'm convinced now more than ever that if the switch doesn't flip - it's not going to stick.
  • lgrix
    lgrix Posts: 160 Member
    Good luck on your journey, sounds like you know what you need to do, one day at a time.
  • deonbfit
    deonbfit Posts: 75 Member
    I love your mindset. I believe you will definitely get some weight off with the focus you have displayed. I also love your starter list except for one thing. I don't particularly agree with restricting yourself from calorie drinks and fast food. I believe that you should be able to enjoy everything in moderation so long as it fits your calorie goals for the day. You can always opt for healthier take out as an option as well, or remove the top bun from burgers, opt for a salad instead of the fries, get a grilled chicken burger vs a big mac, etc. etc.
    If you find you are having severe cravings that you cant seem to shake then just eat a really light breakfast and lunch and get a junior portion of what your craving and log it to make sure it fits your calories for the day. Or have a 1/2 cup of coke, measured and logged so it fits in your calorie allotment for the day.
    But you can probably make almost ANYTHING the takeout world has to offer right at home, and probably better tasting and with less calories.

    If you set restrictions like this though you are going to set yourself up for failure. SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE, but dont RESTRICT. Fit it into your day once or twice a week. Maybe even 3 times to start. Then cut back from there as you progress. You got this!! :)
  • Renewed2008
    Renewed2008 Posts: 11 Member
    deonbfit wrote: »
    I love your mindset. I believe you will definitely get some weight off with the focus you have displayed. I also love your starter list except for one thing. I don't particularly agree with restricting yourself from calorie drinks and fast food. I believe that you should be able to enjoy everything in moderation so long as it fits your calorie goals for the day. You can always opt for healthier take out as an option as well, or remove the top bun from burgers, opt for a salad instead of the fries, get a grilled chicken burger vs a big mac, etc. etc.
    If you find you are having severe cravings that you cant seem to shake then just eat a really light breakfast and lunch and get a junior portion of what your craving and log it to make sure it fits your calories for the day. Or have a 1/2 cup of coke, measured and logged so it fits in your calorie allotment for the day.
    But you can probably make almost ANYTHING the takeout world has to offer right at home, and probably better tasting and with less calories.

    If you set restrictions like this though you are going to set yourself up for failure. SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE, but dont RESTRICT. Fit it into your day once or twice a week. Maybe even 3 times to start. Then cut back from there as you progress. You got this!! :)

    Thank you for the advice and concern. Here's why I am restricting. I drink way too many calories, so to start I am giving it up. When I have learned moderation I will put it back in place. As far as fast food goes, most of it just makes me sick and none of it is good for me, so I'd rather eliminate something so unhealthy all together than continue to consume it.
  • hippysprout
    hippysprout Posts: 1,426 Member
    Good for you OP! I completely understand that moment when it clicks inside of you, and you're just done. I had a similar epiphany myself this past spring. My rules of engagement:

    1. I refuse to put a time limit on my health. I'm not setting ANY deadline for my goal, because this isn't an "event", it's for the rest of my life.

    2. I refuse to give up anything that I can't sustainable give up forever - no, not even for a while just to slowly add it back later. If I intend to eat it for the rest of my life, then I will teach myself to moderate it from the start - begin as I mean to continue.

    3. Focus on the fueling my body with the nutrients it needs to perform the tasks I set before it. When, and how, and where I eat makes no difference to me; the only thing I focus on is how much I eat, and the macro/micro balance it contains.


    That's it for me, I keep it simple and I forgive myself. So far this has worked very well for me, but I've learned some things along the road - social eating is a very real thing! People congregate and typically it centers around food. I've learned to view those gatherings in a different way: There is food in the periphery (not the center) of this social gathering. I've also learned that it's okay to indulge in some of that food, and even have a maintenance day on behalf of that social gathering if I like. It doesn't stall me or make me jump off track.

    I guess my point is, be open to learning as you go, because this is one crazy ride full of ups and downs. Some things you think you know will surprise you as you move forward. Best of luck to you! Feel free to add me as a friend, I'd love to watch your transition :)