Motivation

jehilylopez19
jehilylopez19 Posts: 2 Member
edited November 28 in Motivation and Support
I’m at my wits end, I have tried this time and time again and I’ve always failed! I am at my heaviest and I can’t. Do it anymore I need to lose weight and be healthy not only for me but for my daughter as well! I get going eating well and then I cheat and feel so guilty for not feeling or looking the way I’ve always dreamed of, I need some accountability and encouragement to be the best version of myself

Replies

  • Sherryanngodfrey
    Sherryanngodfrey Posts: 2 Member
    One of my most effective tricks is to wait. When I want to eat, I wait a bit. I tend to be an emotional or boredom eater, so waiting allows me to analyze if I truly want what's in front of me. At a party where there is a food line, instead of loading up a plate, I wait. I don't deny myself (necessarily), I just wait, scope out the food, and make my choices based on my goals. If I am truly hungry, I wait a bit instead of eating whatever's in front of me. The pause gives me time to make a healthy meal or snack. It's simple but effective (for me!). Part of what causes us to get overweight is instant gratification. So train yourself to delay. Just wait.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    Do this for yourself, but, be an example for your daughter to look up to. Seems like a great motivator to have your daughter learning by her mother’s success!
  • steveko89
    steveko89 Posts: 2,223 Member
    If you spend any time on these forums you see you're not alone in "failing" and feeling like your spinning your wheels. The key isn't external motivation, encouragement, or accountability buddies; what you've tried before obviously hasn't worked for you and/or not been sustainable. Look at the ways you've failed in the past attempts and figure out why, make adjustments and fail better this time.
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,439 Member
    edited September 2018
    Tips and tricks:

    Log everything. The "good", the "bad", and the "ugly". A lot of times, when you eat something you didn't plan on, it doesn't really derail your day like you think.

    After logging religiously for a week or two, look back at your food diary. Identify the foods that weren't worth it. Either they didn't keep you full, or weren't worth the calories. Cut those out and replace with something that does keep you full, or is worth the calories. Keep logging and tweaking.

    No food is "bad". I eat chocolate or ice cream EVERY DAY. I just make it fit in my calories for the day. If I tried to completely cut them out, I would freak out and binge on them after about four days.

    Do you know what your maintenance calories are? Knowing that number really helped me. My maintenance calories are ~2300. My daily calories goal is 1860. So when I eat a bit much and go over goal, and eat 2200 calories (for example), guess what? I'm still in a calorie deficit, just not as big of one. This really helped me not beat myself up.
  • AliBee75
    AliBee75 Posts: 3 Member
    edited September 2018
    steveko89 wrote: »
    make adjustments and fail better this time.

    I like that, "fail better this time".

    I find I fail because I want too much too soon. I expect things to be quick and easy. I've been on the wagon for 2 weeks and lost a few pounds but in my head I feel like I should look like I did when I was 30. Intellectually, I know that is ridiculous but...2 weeks of hard work...shouldn't I be fabulous by now?

    Keep trying and be patient. The weight and bad habits didn't happen over night. Make small sustainable changes.

    I dropped alcohol first. Once I felt I had a good handle on that, I started counting my calories, after a bit of time with that I held myself to some exercise goals.

    When the scale gives me little rewards I picture that loss in pounds of butter. 1 pound doesn't seem like much sometimes but when you hold a pound of butter up, you realise just how significant it really is. And doing it slow and steady means it is gone for good.

    Try new things, learn from them...fail better this time.

  • countcurt
    countcurt Posts: 593 Member
    You cheat on tests. Or maybe a spouse. Cheating implies some kind of moral failure. When you put eating decisions in those terms you will feel unnecessarily bad about every sub-optimal food choice you make.

  • steveko89
    steveko89 Posts: 2,223 Member
    AliBee75 wrote: »
    steveko89 wrote: »
    make adjustments and fail better this time.

    I like that, "fail better this time".

    Unfortunately, I'm not that wise; taken from a Samuel Beckett quote but I really like the sentiment behind it.

    It's definitely a mindset that's helped me, in these endeavors and elsewhere in life. Failures and mistakes are going to happen, there's no sense in dwelling on them beyond analyzing how to improve upon them for next time.

  • Thatstylistkris13
    Thatstylistkris13 Posts: 29 Member
    Good advice from all. I am in need too. I am at my heaviest right now too, and can’t believe I got here. But, all I can do it change it! Crying about it won’t make it better for me :)
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,539 Member
    Start by trying to be better. Perfect is the enemy of the good.

    Weight loss is a skill set. Mostly about problem solving. Making it about your character raises the stakes in unhelpful ways.

    Calorie counting works. But you have to do it over a long period of time.

    Calculate a modest calorie deficit. Start a food diary. Get and use a food scale, and try to hit your number. Make an eating plan for each day a week at a time. Try to anticipate problem situations.

    But this- keep your food diary going no matter what. Even if you go wildly over your number. And you will go over your number here and there. No human project proceeds mistake free. But if your plan doesn’t work on a given day or a particular situation, take it as a lesson and make your plan better.

    Be patient. Calorie counting has a long learning curve. Good luck.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    edited September 2018
    Your words reveal how you approach weightloss, and why you don't succeed. Lose the buzzwords. Instead, look into SMART goals; in short, it's to set specific, necessary, actionable goals, make a concrete and attainable plan, have realistic expectations, and make sure you measure your progress properly.

    That's a lot easier, and a lot more enjoyable, too:
    Instead of trying, you are actually doing.
    Don't focus on losing weight, focus on eating less (and moving more).
    Redefine "eating well" from (what I must assume is) "a limited range of boring foods, in quantities of just a little more than starving yourself", to "enough, but not too much, of a variety of foods, freely chosen by you".
    Then stop the guilt and the cheating. You're only cheating on yourself. You can eat whatever you want as long as you don't consistently eat too much.
    Then you will understand that you're only accountable to yourself, and that the motivation must come from inside of you, by doing what you need to do, in a way you're actually able, and for the most part, willing, to do it.
  • Mercerld
    Mercerld Posts: 12 Member
    I was the same way. I would go in guns blazing and do great for a few days then slip up. I would be so frustrated with that single slip that I would convince myself I couldn't do it and give up all together. I found a huge support system and motivation in my family. I wanted to play soccer with my step-daughters and take my step-son on crazy outdoor adventures. I started this journey at 265lbs, now 192 and going strong. It's all about finding that support snd motivation, and kids are a great source of both! Add me if you'd like. I'll do whatever I can to help!
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