Sooo Confused

Im not in your particular predicament but I started a few weeks ago with100+ to lose. I am finding that connecting hete with others looking to give this a serious go is motivating and helpful. Add me as a friend if you like.

I am 67 years old and at my highest I was on 170 kg, 375 pounds. Obviously everyone has their own life story - for me comfort eating was my way of coping (loss of our dear son George Paul shortly after birth.) Years of depression followed and the weight piled up. 2 years ago I managed to slowly wean myself off medication and once I was able to think straight again I kept a record of my meals, the in - between food I liked to eat and at my own happiness. After a month or so I realized that stressful situations / anxiety / sad days always followed with a huge binge eating session. The centre of the food I ate was bread - lots of it. I could eat a loaf or two, 2 kg and more in one day. Obviously with the bread came all those high calorie goodies - butter, mayonnaise, any kind of cheese, salami, ham, sausages, sardines in oil, you name it. How many calories would I manage? No idea - I never took note, but 5.000 to 6.000 calories would have been possible. I went to my GP and asked for a blood test. Result: Very much borderline diabetic. My actual wake up call came when I looked at all those pictures on youtube what diabetes can do to your body. I was also virtually unable to move about - bad knees, bad hip - and even short distances got me out of breath. Gastric bypass was an option but my psychological problem would not go away with an operation - a stomach can be cut out, the brain can't. I decided to change one single item in my daily diet - I cut out bread for a month and I noticed a small weight loss. I joined MFP, gradually I increased my vegetable intake, added a fruit or two per day and over time I established the macros I can best live with long - term: about 30 % carbs, 35 % each fat and protein. I am now on day 172 and have lost 23 kg, nearly 50 pounds. I have a long way to go, but that doesn't worry me. I take it meal by meal, day by day and record everything I eat and drink on MFP. By now I can walk (not that fast) 3 or 4 km. a day and I have been to the gym. I don't fit onto / into most of their machines but I enjoy a good session of aqua aerobics. I still have to learn a lot: to say NO! if someone offers me some rubbish cake, (anyway - I am not a "sweetie" - but a "salty") portion control is still a mystery to me, an open packet of chips or other rubbish must be eaten before it gets stale, etc. There is really nothing I don't allow myself to eat - however I do pre-plan my meals for the day and I try to stick to 1870 calories a day (as per MFP suggestion and calculation). Most importantly - I am starting to feel happy, I realize that I am (finally) doing something for myself, I notice that all those tiny steps bring results, my self esteem and confidence is rising. I keep a diary and write down my sad thoughts and moments - write them away from my heart. Thank you MFP and all those supportive members - we will succeed, one meal, one day at a time.

Thank you so much for your responses. I already feel more determined to lose weight thru MFP because of people like you guys sharing your experiences. You are all a positive inspiration to me. Thank you!