Mental changes towards food

I don't think you should expect to suddenly wake up 'normal'. A year is weight loss and a good six months of maintenance and it's still a struggle for me to be honest. Sure, I know what I need to eat to maintain and how to cook to fit into my macros and calories but if you suddenly told me this new drug lets you eat whatever, I'd eat all the crap I used to eat without a second thought. It takes being mindful every day. It's a habit now and it's definitely become easier and I do feel a million times healthier and more energetic that I don't want to go back to where I was, but I have to keep reminding myself of that even now and I imagine probably for many more years to come.

It's taken me just over a year to adopt different eating habits. I was diagnosed with diabetes, so I guess it was easier in that respect as I had no choice but to change how I ate. It was extremely difficult at first, because I made the mistake of telling myself what I couldn't have. This made me crave those foods even more, which then made me resentful, and after weeks of avoiding food I liked, I'd end up bingeing on it in frustration.

It was at the fourth session of my food course that it clicked. We were talking about how hard it was to deal with our cravings. I said, "nothing is off limits. I can have what I want, but I have to choose to eat more healthily". That stuck with me. After a while I began feeling differently towards food. I realised I actually preferred the more balanced diet I was now eating. I still have binges, but they happen less and less, because those 'treats' are a normal part of my diet now.

MFP has helped enormously since I decided to use it seriously and log every day. Even when I go over my calories I can see from my logs that it isn't a common occurrence. I've gone over a few times these past two weeks because I'm dealing with some stress. Logging has helped me stay on track most of the time, and to plan what I want to eat, which was the biggest factor in me grazing all day on calorie dense foods.

I didn't do it all in one go, either. Over the year I've tweaked some things, replaced some calorie dense foods with less calorific alternatives, adjusted my portions, upped my intake of fruit, proteins and vegetables, lowered my intake of carbs and sugar, and I drink more fluids. I also have fast food every week, because if I'm not going to give it up for the rest of my life, I'm not going to avoid it just to lose weight.

It all takes time, and a willingness to treat myself kindly, not get bogged down in feeling guilt or shame for eating something I told myself I shouldn't, eating regularly, eating well, which includes stuff like cake, crisps, biscuits and fast food in moderation, and keeping at it by logging what I eat.

My husband and I used to do a “dry January,” then over the years we started adding in stricter and stricter diets during the same month. It’s one month and we were both doing it, so it was doable, and it really stretched my ideas about my own self-control. Around the 20th or so I’d start talking about how we should just keep eating whichever way forever, but of course it didn’t take. Still, every January we’d start again, and I could do it, and that laid a foundation.

This year we tried keto, and after a few weeks of ranting and cursing I realized I LOVED it. Food was fuel. I felt healthy and in control and...normal, I guess. I cooked. I could leave food on the table. And that was the diet I was finally able to stay on past January, and I’m still on it and at my goal weight and have no more shame or guilt or regret about my eating. Ever.

So my advice is to experiment, and try things, and when you fall off the wagon hitch a ride on another one. Set a goal, then give yourself a break, then set a new goal. If you keep trying, something will click.