First Day to a better life. I Hope.

I am also starting today. I just turned 50 and married for 29 years. Somewhere between raising kids and trying to be a perfect wife, daughter, sister etc I also lost myself. I have made a commitment to be who I am really meant to me and my journey starts today. I would love to join you.

Thanks so much!

I started again July 28th. Funny how some days remain easy to remember. I started ruining my personal attitude towards myself when I started dating my wife in 1985 as I gave up worrying about me and took on all the other worries of romance then marriage, family, career, life etc. So we let ourselves go because nothing was any longer about "looks" right?
Well, now at soon to be 55 I have decided that I want to be the guy that has been hidden for 31 years. They guy not ashamed to remove his shirt (if I'm successful I may never wear one again making up for lost time....lol) The guy that is still an athlete. etc. The only thing is every day sucks. There is no other way to express it. 2 months...20 pounds down...every day is depressing...bad choice this day or that, water weight gain or muscle weight gain or what am I doing...Why is not not linear????
I eat a thousand calories a day less than my expenditure then damn it I want to see ounces less EVERY DAY on the scale and no I do not accept that it doesn't work that way, simply because I NEED it to work that way. At the current rate I'm still 18 months away from being at my goal. 18 months!!!! I want to quit this second! I just do not know why I don't. I cannot explain it...
So most days I'm not perfect with what I'm trying to do...I do NOT hit my daily goal, yet I come back and do it again the next day. Close IS good enough, just not for me.
in 2012 I made this same decision and lost 80 pounds....and....put it all back on and a few more. I am horrible about control and in almost all aspects of life I am simply a glutton. There is no other way to put it. I want more of everything I want and when i get more I still want more. Food, Alcohol when I drank...1,2......30, Flirtations, bicycles, motorcycles, you name it one is not good enough and neither is 3 or 5 or 25.
The only difference - "maybe" this time is that I have been telling myself that what I have has to be controlled just like any other life long illness. I have zero medical problems....no pressure problems or sugar or anything....just fat. However I need to be "on" something to stop me from over eating and under exercising. I have to accept the fact that what I am doing is going to be for life. I am never going to be able to eat without counting calories...ever. I'm hoping that over time my acceptance of this fact will make the struggle easier. Sort of like aging, I cannot stop that from happening so I do not stress over it. Well I have to accept I have a food problem and its every bit as real as any other problem and I will be addressing it forever.
But man do some days really suck, and most of the time I really hate myself for what I have become, and I can literally cry if i were to allow myself to do that. I'm not good at sharing, I'm not good at opening up, I have few friends internet or otherwise because I do hate myself and push everyone away.....So the last 5 minutes of writing may be the most I will ever write because its embarrassing to do so in the moment.
So the only advise I can give is do not quit, because the only way to not stress and feel guilt is simply to just keep doing it, because not doing anything will not change a thing, but taking action WILL make it better...someday...

I too have started today (again many times over ) I would love to support and be supported on this journey, Mrscat58 and Meljoy2018.