Being sabotaged by my family.

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curiousmissclay
curiousmissclay Posts: 72
in Motivation and Support
Hello everyone,
Ok my family have always been good eaters and we truly enjoy eating together its a real social event.My mum has been very overweight most of her life and recently resorted to medication from her doctor to help her loose weight and im very proud of what shes done.
The problem seems to be that when we are eating as a family and i decide to eat less meat or have a smaller portion she always makes a comment that either im being stupid and just to eat because its a family meal and i shouldnt get to hung up about what i eat.
This then makes me feel silly for having a smaller portion and "taking it to far" but since i started iv got into the mindset that im all or nothing i dont want to have the odd extra portion of pasta or that glass of coke and im finding it really hard to make my family see that there comments are not helping me atal.

Im going away for the weekend with my whole family on a biking/camping weekend and im dreading my mum passing comments on the fact iv brought my own quorn burgers and wholewheat rolls for the BBQ.

Any advice with what you think i should do would really help.

vicky x

Replies

  • TiffyC828
    TiffyC828 Posts: 80 Member
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    While it seems you have supported her method of weightloss, she should be doing the same for you. Maybe you could point that out to her the next time she says something? There is nothing wrong with cutting your portions down--its all about portion control! Keep doing what you are doing, and you will get to where you want to be!
  • sugarbugger
    sugarbugger Posts: 45
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    I understand that what she's saying is making you feel uncomfortable, but really you need to stand up to her. Do you stand up to her about other things or is it just the food issue?

    You are your own best friend. You aren't stupid to want to eat less or make better food choices. It actually sounds like she is the one with some food issues that she's projecting onto you unconsciously. It almost sounds like she equates eating a lot with having fun, so if she isn't seeing you eating a huge portion, you must be not having fun. Also mums often worry about their children getting too caught up in dieting in case it becomes some kind of an eating disorder! Just a thought.

    Anyway what I would do is sit her down and talk to her, tell her you're proud of her weight loss and you'd like to do the same yourself, but what you need from her is support not criticism and sabotage. Tell her it isn't a crash diet you're on, just a healthy diet/lifestyle change, and she can either support you or keep her opinions to herself, you aren't a dustbin to be filled to the brim, food is fuel and you're an adult, capable of making your own choices.
  • Whiskey_Byrne
    Whiskey_Byrne Posts: 58 Member
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    I have had a similar issue with my family, the way I overcome this was to sit them down and explain that I'm not happy and want to make a change to have a healthier lifestyle and need them to support me. Explain how their comments make you feel and that you are not doing thisto just lose weight but to be a healthier and happier person for them to be around. Being healthy and moving more does not need to be a chore or boring and they join in if they want to, going on a family bike ride or family walk can bring you all closer, eating healthy foods will give you all more energy to do things together and enjoy the time you spend together doing new and exciting activites.

    I know that some medication helps people but I personally want that feeling of "I achieved this with a few lifestyle changes" rather than relying on some pills or something butt hen we are all different and sometimes medication is good to start you off the road to being healthy.

    Hope you can stick with it and they start to understand.
  • curiousmissclay
    curiousmissclay Posts: 72
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    I dont tend to stand up to her about anything we have quite a delicate family and one small comment and things turn into one of us being mardy lol
  • Gay11nell
    Gay11nell Posts: 166 Member
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    Family is almost everyone biggest optical/distraction/road block when it comes to weight lost. Most of the time they don't even know what they are doing. We are comfortable in what we consider to be the norm. When someone deviates from that, its not normal. In my family the skinny/thin/small members get tease all the time, because its not the norm. All the women in my family, on my Mom and Dads side, are very well "padded" lol. My sister is one of the thin ones. She doesn't care what we say. She is only going to eat a certain portion of food and that's its!! As long as you are not starving yourself or developing any food disorders - Then stick to your Guns!
  • loubabes1
    loubabes1 Posts: 19 Member
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    Such a difficult situation... it does sound like your mum didnt have the determination that you have and finds it difficult seeing you succeed in a way that she didnt, perhaps she doesnt even realise how awkward she is making you feel. At least you have recognised it - i'm sure if you stick with it and quietly have your small portions / healthier options etc over time it will stop being a bone of contention for your mum.

    Keep at it - you sould like you are really determined and motivated - good luck!
  • sugarbugger
    sugarbugger Posts: 45
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    There's a technique where you just repeat yourself. When she moans just say something like "Thanks but no, I'm full/I don't want any more" and if she keeps on moaning just repeat yourself "yeah, no, thanks but I'm full." "I'm full, thanks" Smile sweetly, then change the subject. It doesn't have to be rude or argumentative, you're just standing up for yourself.

    Short of force feeding you or slipping lard into your food, your family can't sabotage your diet without your consent. It's your body, your food choices, your business! Don't let them derail you, you sound like you're doing really well!
  • jjgirl76
    jjgirl76 Posts: 68 Member
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    My mom is also my saboteur... She loves to tell me that I am overweight and point out that I should lose it but then in the next breath tells be I'm either eating too much or too little or running???? that could hurt your female parts, women are not supposed to run... but they when I told them that I would not be running races for a while she quickly told me I would gain my weight back. And... she is also extra sensitive. She can dish it out, but she cannot seem to take it back (she is overweight and now type 2 diabetic - so obviously her food choices are not stellar).

    That being said. When I know that I am about to have a family meal or a vacation trip with them. I make it a game. I keep score of how many times she makes food comments or sabatage attempts. I get points for listening politely and eating how I know I should. I lose points for letting her and her sabatage efforts get to me. Sometimes I do great and I celebrate. Sometimes I don't do so good. I am learning not to beat myself up - reminding myself that this is the family I come from, these are the habits that I practiced without question for so many years. And I have to be willing to let it go... otherwise, I am just sabotaging myself.

    I hope that you have a great trip with your family. Enjoy the biking and when your mom makes her "helpful" suggestions/comments... say "Thank you. I will think about that." In your most sincerest way (smart butt never being a good idea), and then continue to make those good choices that help you to be successful. Good luck!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Hello everyone,
    Ok my family have always been good eaters and we truly enjoy eating together its a real social event.My mum has been very overweight most of her life and recently resorted to medication from her doctor to help her loose weight and im very proud of what shes done.
    The problem seems to be that when we are eating as a family and i decide to eat less meat or have a smaller portion she always makes a comment that either im being stupid and just to eat because its a family meal and i shouldnt get to hung up about what i eat.
    This then makes me feel silly for having a smaller portion and "taking it to far" but since i started iv got into the mindset that im all or nothing i dont want to have the odd extra portion of pasta or that glass of coke and im finding it really hard to make my family see that there comments are not helping me atal.

    Im going away for the weekend with my whole family on a biking/camping weekend and im dreading my mum passing comments on the fact iv brought my own quorn burgers and wholewheat rolls for the BBQ.

    Any advice with what you think i should do would really help.

    vicky x

    Sounds like you simply need to stand your ground. You set the standard on how you allow other people to treat you. If you think it's acceptible that your family continue to insult your decisions then you can continue to give in, or you can let them know that you are making a decision and while they may not agree with it they're not allowed to insult you or argue with it either.
  • mewdds
    mewdds Posts: 22
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    I wonder what she might say if you asked her why she doesn't like to see you making good choices for yourself. This seems like a control issue and by telling you what your portion size should be or what you should eat, she is asserting her control. You chosing a different course or behavior may be perceived as a threat to 'the way things should be". This cycle maybe has something to do with why you have been overweight over time. Good for you for asserting your choices whether in words or actions. Recognizing sabotage is the first step and you've overcome that. Don't give up! YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS!!!!! There are plenty of other resources for the support you need. MFP for one!!
  • Forensic
    Forensic Posts: 468 Member
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    Just say 'no.'

    Honestly.

    My roomie thinks I ought to eat as much as he does and gets... not offended... more... guilty... when I take a smaller portion. Then he tries to get me to eat more because I'm 'starving' myself. *snort* As if.

    "No" and "No, thanks" and "No, I'm good" work fine for me.
  • TiffyC828
    TiffyC828 Posts: 80 Member
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    I dont tend to stand up to her about anything we have quite a delicate family and one small comment and things turn into one of us being mardy lol

    unfortunetly, if you aren't able to stand up and say how you feel, you're going to have to learn how to deal with her comments and the behavior you are witnessing.

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