Starting to hate myself.....

Gaygirl2120
Gaygirl2120 Posts: 541 Member
in Motivation and Support
A few years ago I was in amazing shape. I ate right & killed my workouts. Then I went through some serious life changes & just lost focus. I still work out & try to eat right. But I just can’t seem to get back into that mind set that I had before. I don’t work out as hard & over eat almost every day. I have put on weight & while I am not obese & most people would probably look at me as the average sized woman. I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. My hips are wider, my stomach has extra fat on it & my arms look so big. I get sick when I look at my old pictures & how fit I once was.

Part of me feels like I self sabatoge my progress by over eating. I tell myself I’m almost 38 & I’m too old to get back into that type of shape so if I don’t try too hard I can’t be disappointed. I keep telling myself that I’ll do better tomorrow & of course I don’t & the cycle continues. I just feel kind of lost & disapointed in myself.

Thanks for listening.

Replies

  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
    I know it’s really hard but try to be kinder to yourself. I know when I’m feeling angry with myself I cringe to hear that, but it’s necessary. Think about the changes you went through, and if a friend of yours went through that, would you yell at them for gaining a bit of weight? Not being obese is a good thing! Lots of us got there. You didn’t - that’s great! It might help to reframe it from “getting back” to “moving forward”. You may not look exactly the same or have the same goals, and that’s okay. 38 is a pretty great age. Lots of people gain a lot of confidence in the 35-40 years (from watching my mothers friends). Rather than focusing on what you want to look like, maybe there are other goals you want to pick? Like “I want to do X activity” or “I want to wear X thing” - and lots of those goals you can do now. (One of mine is I want to wear cute vintage clothes. I can find a few things in my size, but most of it is much smaller so it’s a nice motivator. My fitness goals are like, I would love to go for a hike sometime and not be terrified of being unable to get back down or injuring myself. I enjoy long walks and I miss them - the activity and the feeling of doing it, and the confidence of being safe doing it, is the motivation.) ❤️❤️❤️ I’m sorry you’re feeling so down right now. This is just my 2c from my experiences. Good luck ❤️
  • Molliepops35
    Molliepops35 Posts: 16 Member
    You will do it when you're ready . You've done it before, you can do it again. you need a 'trigger' but it will come. Don't be hard on yourself - 38 is no age - you have years ahead to lead a lovely, healthy and happy lifestyle. Don't focus on what you've done wrong - don't dwell on your mistakes - they're gone now.
    Focus on thinking positively from now on. YOU CAN DO IT - AND YOU WILL!! XXX
  • amgreenwell
    amgreenwell Posts: 1,267 Member
    You are never too old. I know people in their 50s and 60s who are just now in the best shape of their lives. I am still working toward my goals but I'm 42 and look better than I did in my 20s for sure!
    Start with small things and remember it isn't all or nothing. Log your food for a week and see how much you are overeating. From there make adjustments and give yourself some slack and some wiggle room. Then start on some sort of work out program. You don't have to go beast mode right off the bat. Just keep it simple but move more every day. You can do it!
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,529 Member
    Agreeing with @L1zardQueen, the thing you can change right now is your mind. If you want fitness, pursue fitness.

    But know this, you aren’t going to get far if you don’t allow yourself a little hope. If you work hard, and find that the fitness you achieve at age 38 cannot match what you had at 28 you’re just going to have to live with it. Because if you are going to beat yourself up for getting older, you’re in for a rough go. I’m 68 btw.

    But what you are doing now, telling yourself it’s all hopeless, is just a waste of time and energy. Tell yourself you are going to conduct an experiment to see what level of fitness you can achieve at your current age. Certainly you can improve.

    Perfect is the enemy of the good.
  • themexicanbigfoot
    themexicanbigfoot Posts: 170 Member
    Take it from someone who knows, self loathing will only get you so far.
    You are never too old to get in any shape you want.
    Try being kinder to yourself
  • jhilkene
    jhilkene Posts: 104 Member
    I just recently saw an MFP user post the saying...

    Comparison is a thief of joy.

    So true, in many instances!
  • Justin741
    Justin741 Posts: 249 Member
    If you haven't already check this out: https://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/AlphaHowls/view/the-myth-of-motivation-and-what-you-need-instead-776931
  • Kerriann1083
    Kerriann1083 Posts: 54 Member
    Look I completely understand how your feeling... But hang on !! You got this !! I believe we all got this and anyone can accomplish anything they put their minds too .. sometimes it's as simple as changing diet.. sometimes not so simple... Maybe had more protein and fiber(days I do this it keeps me Fuller) so it fills you up better ... Or try a different workout... We got this !! You got this!! Just hang on💜💜✌️ and you are still young.. the 30s are the new 20s now a days 😉 one day at a time , just hang on 💜🌼✌️😀
  • hjsportsed1
    hjsportsed1 Posts: 52 Member
    I often find myself seemingly sabotaging myself as well. Seems like every time I hit a new low weight, I take the attitude of having a treat since I am at a new low. Frustrating for me. Not sure why I do it.
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,281 Member
    jhilkene wrote: »
    You are NEVER too old to get in shape!

    I went through the same feeling, like screw it, I'm 39.. I have nobody to impress, blah, blah.
    Then something just clicked..
    I actually like feeling stronger and healthier much more so than out of shape and inudging in fast food and alcohol.
    Pros-
    •Mental health improves.
    •Ability to do my job better and prevent injury.
    •Lose unwanted weight, inches.
    •Plus it saves me money.

    Just gotta keep running those positives for you through your head! Just do it TODAY, instead of saying tomorrow.

    This. I had the same "click" at 47. Took up running, got hurt a year later, took up swimming because I was used to being so active, lost 22 pounds. Turned 50 this year and looking and feeling better than ever. You'll get there. You have to want it enough. I had to be really honest with myself and realize that I was making excuses. Once I put my mind to it and really put in the time and energy to log accurately and add some movement, the pounds began to fall off and my strength and endurance went through the roof. My sleep got better too :)
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
    Jax2120 wrote: »
    Thank you again everyone ❤️ I had a good day yesterday with my eating and I’m hoping to have another one today. I’m taking some breaths & doing it one day at a time.

    I’m really glad yesterday was a good day for you. And I want you to think about your having a “good” day depending on what you ate. Not sure if that was the sole qualifier, or what you’re using as a measure of “good eats,” but I just want to caution you about that so you don’t label the other days as “bad.” That’s a scary road to go down.

    I always try to find three things each day for which I’m grateful. Sometimes they’re health or fitness related, sometimes they’re not. Many times, it’s a struggle. But I always find those three things. And after a few days, a few weeks, you realize how much there is in your life, even if everything doesn’t go the way you wanted. There’s always tomorrow. :heart:

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