I can’t bring myself to workout or eat right.

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Replies

  • Zimm7
    Zimm7 Posts: 44 Member
    All good ideas expressed in this discussion thread. However, the main point should be... whenever a person is mentally ready to deal with weight issues, that is when progress can be made. All other reasons will fall by the wayside until you say to yourself "Enough. It's time, right now, to lose this weight."
    The mental aspect is key.
  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
    I tried and failed a lot. I had a similar mentality- I wanted to be smaller but I didn’t feel able to change my habits, and it was all so scary to me and overwhelming. I felt like I couldn’t do it. I didn’t believe I could and I still do feel like it could all come back. I don’t have answers I just have been there.

    I started with really small steps, with making all of my food at home. I focused on the financial aspect - I calculated what I had spent on fast food and junk in the last 4 years (thousands) and said to myself “I have an $X body.” Which struck me as hilarious and a bit sad.

    But other than that goal, I kept my weight loss goals to myself. I still haven’t told anyone except my SO and parents. My body is not up for discussion. It is not something anyone is allowed to weigh in on.

    When my SO knew I wanted to lose, and we would go out to eat, sometimes he would say “maybe you should stop eating this now” or “I think you’ve had enough”. And after that I would always finish it, even if I felt sick from it I would keep eating, because it upset me so much I felt like there was no winning.

    I eventually had to have a sit down with him about it because it was coming from a caring and loving place, wanting to support my goal. He didn’t realize that it would make me want to finish the thing MORE. Plus make me feel upset about my body and hurt and angry. He just thought he was helping.

    The rules are - no comments on my eating. None. It’s my choices and my work. Not his. It’s really something I have to work on in private because I needed that space to make mistakes and figure things out without being embarrassed all the time. It’s a very emotional and sensitive thing, because it’s emotional why I gained.

    I am extremely sensitive about that I still don’t know how to feed myself properly. I still suck at it. I don’t understand nutrition and the process of organizing meals still gets overwhelming. It makes me feel stupid and angry at myself. That’s my issue.

    Not everyone who gains weight has an emotional connection - my SO didn’t - so explaining how it affects me was necessary because it’s just not his experience. He never felt good guilt or shame even when quite large, where as I overthink and have a lot of emotions about everything.

    And I don’t work out much. It may help to take that out of the equation if it’s stressful. I just do walks and low impact stuff like stationary bike where I can watch shows and read. Once I realized I could read on the bike I enjoyed it a lot more. But hardcore workouts are just beyond me.

    I send hugs. I think it must be very hard to have someone trying to push you to lose weight. ❤️ it’s ultimately your business and not anyone else’s. Even your SO.
  • puffbrat
    puffbrat Posts: 2,806 Member
    As many others have said, if you aren't ready then you aren't ready. Motivation can only come from you not an external motivator, not your boyfriend, and not just a desire to weigh less.

    One thing that does help me when I don't feel motivated but want to weigh less, is I commit to myself that I will log my food but NOT concern myself with staying within my calorie goal. It can take me sometimes months and numerous tries, but eventually I will get back into a habit of logging everything I eat. Once that happens, I naturally find myself starting to work towards staying within my goal.
  • Running2Fit
    Running2Fit Posts: 702 Member
    Making changes in your lifestyle is hard. Maybe if you aren’t ready to dive in head first, you can start by picking just one healthy habit to start doing. Just a small thing and you can start adding other healthy habits when you are ready.

    Just remember, it’s always going to be hard whether you do it now or later.
  • brneydgrlie
    brneydgrlie Posts: 464 Member
    You have to want it for it to work. Your boyfriend (or other people) bugging you about it may make you even subconsciously dig in and resist. See if something like that is holding you back.

    Change things gradually. For instance, try cutting out soda for a couple of weeks. Once you have conquered that, add another change, like trying to eat a green vegetable in at least 2 meals a day. Build up changes as time goes by. Each week you successfully complete a goal makes adding another thing easier.

    Go for a short walk after dinner with your boyfriend a few times a week. Think of that walk not as "working out" but a time to connect with your boyfriend and enjoy nature without distractions or cell phones. Also, try to find something you really enjoy doing, so it feels less like work. Maybe take a class with a friend or group of friends so you have someone to be accountable with.

    You can do it! :-)
  • 2ndchancetoshine
    2ndchancetoshine Posts: 16 Member
    Its hard to start. What you need to answer is who are you doing this for. once you have that answer then you can work on taking the first step. its hard to take that first step and to keep putting one foot in front of the other. As long as you are willing to put in the work then you should see results. it can take a very long time. It has for me but I'm coming along. REMEMBER PERSISTANCE NOT PERFECTION IS THE GOAL. you can start by just tracking everything you eat in one day to see where you are holding and then slowly start making changes. whether it is the types of snacks you eat or changing out one meal for a healthier one.
    remember baby steps will get you to your goal.
  • xmarye
    xmarye Posts: 385 Member
    Saw your post and wanted to reach out!

    First of all, I want to tell you that you are stunning! So beautiful!
    Losing weight will only enhance what you already are.

    Don't see diet and exercise as punishments. You need to do this for you and you only. Maybe have a sit down talk with your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. Let him know you feel defeated and guilty. Let him know how much you love him and you want to impress him, and how much pressure sometimes this puts you on. I would admit to the times you lied and explain why. Tell him you need him to back off a little so that you can find your own motivation and rythm. That once you find a plan that works for you, you will let him know and that then his encouragements and check in will be welcome. You can maybe lie to him, but you can't lie to yourself.

    I think that as long as you tell yourself you want to do it for him (even if his intentions for you are good) you won't find success because that's just not healthy. You need to do it for YOU because YOU are WORTH IT! I too sometimes fall into this trap of starting to seek external motivation and that is usually when I crash and burn... I'll start going off track and try to hide it too. But I always eventually come clean so that I can start fresh. I don't know about you, but I find it a necessary step for me in order to set myself up for success.

    Next, you need a plan! Research, research, research! Find a way of eating that is achievable for you. Don't be scared to try new things. If it fails, YOU are not failing, it just wasn't the right thing, so keep trying until you get it right. It's all part of the process. Once you have a plan, it's much easier to focus on one meal at a time, on workout at a time. Your energy is not wasted doing a million different things and results come much easier I find.

    Personally, here are the things that usually help me:
    *I cut out soda and replace with water, because I prefer not to drink my calories.
    *I make sure I eat plenty of veggies because it makes me feel more satieted. Find ways to incorporate them so that you don't notice it and you enjoy it! I like wraps, soups, smoothies, caesar salad, etc.
    *I rely a lot on portion sizes to help guide my meal planning. Never eat something out of the bag! Always us a plate or bowl to avoid overeating accidents lol.
    *I know which foods I can indulge on and which ones I am unable to control myself around. I don't keep those foods around or not in large quantities, at least for the time being.
    *I pre-log my day so that I can adjust the foods until I reach the calories/macros recommended for the day, then all I have to do is follow that plan.

    I hope this helps you! I am sending you a friend request now. Looking forward to sharing this journey with you!! ox
  • cqbkaju
    cqbkaju Posts: 1,011 Member
    edited October 2018
    Sounds like you don't want to lose weight that badly.

    You may prefer the idea of being overweight to the effort involved in making the necessary changes.
    It is to such a degree that you are lying to someone (you presumably care for) about it.

    This is all you. There is no easy way. It is simple, but not easy.
    Boyfriend or not, you will continue to be overweight (and feel bad about yourself for it) until you do what is required to change it.

    It takes discipline (not mere "motivation") to reach your goals but you do not even speak as if you are motivated right now.
    This post seems like you are feeling sorry for yourself or just venting.
    "Why do I keep sabotaging myself? How can I get myself out of this rut and change my life?"
    Why? Because you choose to.
    How? By doing what is necessary, no matter if you feel like it or not.

    Discipline means choosing between what you want now and what you want most.

    Again, the basics are pretty simple, but it is not easy.
    Few things worth doing are easy.
  • brneydgrlie
    brneydgrlie Posts: 464 Member
    I'd like to add that if you have difficulty sticking with eating healthy foods, the struggle might not be entirely in your head.

    Sugar can actually be highly addictive for some people, for instance. And if you have been eating junk food for a while, your body can actually crave those unhealthy fats and sugars. Processed foods literally have things added to them to improve the taste so that you want them more.

    So don't beat yourself up too hard when you fall off the wagon. Just try again tomorrow.
  • Tanamoor55
    Tanamoor55 Posts: 1 Member
    I don’t have all of the answers. I am 205# and 5’4”. I too am having a difficult time. I have gained a lot of weight since I got the My Fitness pal app. I don’t know if I would have gained it anyway without the app. My thoughts are that I am ignoring society’s view of what is acceptable. I am loving myself whether I am fat or thin( I used to be too skinny.). Then I am getting more active, one walk or gym time or swim time every day. And it least 3 vegetables/day. I feel I will do better if I make my own rules. In the past I have kept track of everything I eat and exercise and lost 20 lb. in 6 weeks, then felt deprived and gained it all back.
    My mother was obese and my dad pestered her and shamed her all the time. It never helped her. She just felt bad about herself. So talk to your boyfriend about doing it yourself. If he doesn’t like you the way you are, that’s poison to you.
  • intrigame23
    intrigame23 Posts: 193 Member
    I had this same question not too long ago. I started writing in a journal and it helped me to the bottom of this behavior; it's easier to stay the way I am than force myself into uncomfortable, unfamiliar situations. I know how to be the fat me and no one else. I know what fits me now, where to shop, what people think of me or feel towards me... BUT all of that changes or could change if I'm smaller, if I've reached my goals. What do I do if I'm not a size 16/18? What happens when I don't weigh 245 lbs? For me it was fear and now I think most days I can handle the anxiousness about eating better and exercising. Some days these feelings come back and I just don't want to face change because this is who I've been and what I've known for 28 years. However, health is now what matters most to me and gets me past those thoughts. We'll just figure out what to do qhen we get there.
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