Any other young-ish widows or widowers out there trying to lose?

I am SO very sorry for your loss. I’m not a widow but I just sent you a friend request. Helps to have support and community. Have you tried to talk to a counselor??? Hugs and prayers from Houston

I am so very sorry for the tremendous pain and sorrow you are going through.I pray the Lord will comfort and Bless you. We all deal with loss in our own time at our own pace. We never stop missing our loved ones ,We just somehow in our own way find the reasons we should carry on and learn to smile again. I wish you the best

Widow brain... wish I didn’t know what that was. I have no recollection of the first 6 months after he died. 3 and half years later, I still have a hard time being on time which was out of character for me.

On bad days, remember him and remind yourself that it’s ok to have a bad moment, a bad day or a bad month just like it’s ok to have a good day.

3 and half year later, I found a new normal, my kids are happy and thriving and most of my days are ok. I still get more bad days than great days but for the most part, they are just ok. I had to learn to be fine with that.

People around you will keep on saying the meanest or thoughtless things like you need to move on, you will meet someone again as you are young or my favourite, you are lucky he died, it’s a lot less painful than a divorce.

Hang in there, you are not done yet.

My husband/best friend of 23yrs passed 2/6/17 to a brain tumor. Diagnosed at 39, passed at 40yrs old. I am slightly older than him. I was 44 when he passed. He was my everything. We talked hours on ends. Bouncing ideas off eachother, hanging out.

I can somewhat relate to what you are saying, though each of our journey is different. Though I've not tried to commit suicide, I stopped all the healthy things. In part because it was part of "us" so eating healthy, 'geeking out' information related to health, working out. We weren't strict in any of it, everything in moderation but I swear we had already researched and likely tried most things before they hit mainstream (in late 90s we had 411 on gluten free, kombucha, kefir grains to do it ourselves, Weston Price, CSA, a mini grow room for sprouts, wheatgrass, etc etc etc.) We were curious but not stringent / strict about it all.

I stopped it all after he passed, because (1) I didn't want to do it without him (2) he was in good shape & we did all that yet didn't seem to matter, except we enjoyed doing it together. (3) that if I stopped doing maybe something something would happen to allow me to 'check out' & be with him again.

They say "time makes it better", what I find as my reality... time allows us the opportunity to find ways to cope with it and how to interact with others.

I've learned that each day, need to do my best but that when I just want to hide out in bed to push some but if I can't do it... then it is ok. Give myself a break and allow it to happen so that maybe later in the day, or the next day, or even later in the week, I can do something.

So here I am now back on MyFitnessPal (he was the one that told me about it years and years ago) but I'm somewhat inconsistent.

Yes, widows fog / widow's brain it real. My spelling and grammar are horrible. Finding a half eaten chobani yogurt in the pantry and not only not remembering starting to eat it, much less putting it in the pantry. It is frustrating! I am finding having check sheets in somewhat helpful. I dont expect to do everything on them, in fact, I keep multiple (daily ones, and running items to-do, and items I'd like to do, etc etc. )

I am now tracking in FitnessPal but also some info on an excel spreahsheet I've made. Setting up routines to try for, via check lists, is helping me with my weight loss. I'd gained some fat & lost some muscle when I decided to 'stop' everything, sleep pattern was out of wack, and mostly I hid out (I'm mostly an introvert). Most days didn't want to get out of bed, so didn't. What happened is, 6 months in, I started feeling really acy and little things started to effect me that never did before but not bad.

It is still a challenge to do many things, between the will and the widow's fog but I, personally, found that since starting back towards being "healthy" and doing what we used to love, that getting back in shape & feeling better helps when the emotions hit.

So Sorry for everyone loss. I am not a widow, but I lost my sister (age 46) to breast cancer and almost exactly 1 yr later, lost my mom to uterine cancer. (My sister passed one day before my birthday). There is a song by Green Day, Wake Me Up When September Ends, still hold true for me and it has now been 7 yrs since the 1st passing.

I had deep depression after my sisters death and spiraled worse after my mom. I did go on meds for a while, but I really didn't like my emotional feeling of "dead" on them. I had a close friend who encouraged my to start back running. I wasn't in shape any longer and could barely run a .5 mile, but I got out and started to run/walk. I bawled the entire time. Must have been a sight to the passer byes. It took almost 2 months before I could run without crying.

I don't know if you have a religious belief, but praying for peace got me through the worst of times.

I am so deeply saddened for all who posted. Just know, there is great support for those who seek it.
Sending Hugs!