Slipped Up and Gained Weight - Could Really Use Advice and Support

For context:
I began my weight loss in January, when I was a little overweight, technically, but not by a massive margin.
My stats are:
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Height: 164cm
Start weight: 65kg
Goal weight: 54kg
Weight 3 weeks ago: 58.8kg
Current weight: 60.4kg
Exercise: 2/3 runs a week of about 4 miles (interval training), 2/3 sessions of BBG (5x30-45 minute workouts per week total), horse riding several times a week, occasional 30 minute walks (I'm very fit but not particularly toned, my legs would show it if I weren't carrying extra weight for my frame). I haven't been eating back my calories from exercise, I don't track them.
Work: desk job with an hour's total daily commute in the car, so almost entirely sedentary outside workouts and riding
MFP calorie allowance: I've currently been given 1200 and when I select less weight per week to lose it still gives me that, I think because I'm sedentary.



Hello everyone!
I hope you're having a good week.

I could really use some advice and support. I'd be very grateful and feel really lost.
I was on here a few weeks ago because I had at that point lost about half of my target amount of weight and was feeling happy but frustrated because my weight loss had slowed and I wasn't sure what to do.

I had some great advice from my last post but looking back over the last month and a half/two months, my weight loss has slowed in part because I was being very inconsistent, and cheating on several days of each week (by cheating I mean snacking, eating sweets, seconds and just generally eating over my calorie limit and in a number of cases probably eating enough to maintain or gain weight and not being able to face tracking because I knew that deep down and logging it was depressing). I also recently learned how badly I've been tracking because I had no real concept of what portions I was giving myself and weighing everything seemed a bit mentally unhealthy.

Four weeks ago I was 58.8 kg and although I'd had a patchy time leading up to that I was mainly just concerned about how to maintain momentum and continue my journey. I had three weeks until my big annual week-long work trip which is abroad and always pretty stressful, showy and disruptive. I resolved to get focussed for those three weeks and also to relax about weighing myself every week, as I had been advised on here, and expect slower weight loss. I hoped though to be at my initial interim goal weight of 58kg at that point and then I could assess what changes I could make going forward to lose the last of it and tone up more.

Those three weeks though were so patchy again and I had many cheat days and stops and starts, and I didn't weigh myself. I went into my trip fed up but resolved to diet during it because otherwise I'd just be making excuses. Then I kind of lost it over that week though and I would say I semi-binged during it. I ate so much each day, at meals, and after dinner each night I was so full I was uncomfortable going to sleep. Another small attempt to get back on track as soon as I got home failed by last night after three days so I got back on the scale this morning, hoping maybe it hadn't been as bad as I thought because I do tend to worry, but I've gained 1.5kg back.

Over that same month period I resolved to change up my exercise routine as it's been the same for a long time and I wanted to look after my joints and look to build more tone, so I started doing 2 runs a week, not 3, and 3 BBG Sessions a week instead of 2. While I was away I stuck to the exercise each day but it was more moderate because I didn't have any kit with me so I had to improvise.

I'm so annoyed with myself and feeling out of control. I'm back to where I was in July, which is a depressing thought and also means that I've undone the work I did over August and September, and that was very patchy and frustrating anyway.

I don't want this to turn into a story where I was successful on a diet for a while then put it all back on and more.
Has anyone been through this?
How did you stop the giving into temptation and ruining your progress?
Has anyone else been in this position where they are trying to lose weight while no longer being overweight or where you were only a little overweight in the first place?
Have you all run into a constant lack of motivation in eating during the day after you reached a certain weight? I wake up each day with a fire to do well and then break either by midday or by about Thursday each week. What usually gets me is just basic temptation or being hungry.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I feel lost and nervous and irritated with myself and have no one in my life in a similar position. If I have left anything out please tell me.

xxx