IS ONE TRULY HAPPY WHEN LOSING WEIGHT?
icecreamtime
Posts: 11 Member
Howdy im Angie 5'2 and currently weighing 223-224 I am just so tired of being so miserable all the time. 99% of the time im thinking of how fat i am. Besides the fact that i am super self consious about my appearance i suffer from anxiety and this makes everything 1000 times worse. I wish i could just be happy about the way i look. Does anyone out ther have this problem? im sure im not the only one. ive been trying to lose weight for a while now and its the first time im sticking to it. ive lost about 14 pounds since Feb. and seriously i think i look the same. How can i change my way of thinking is the question. Its very frustrating to live this way as far as spending everyday constantly hoping to lose weight. i dont wanna look back when im old and regret not enjoying my life. i want to live and enjoy my life and i feel im not.
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Replies
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I have problems with anxiety too. Negative body image and negative thoughts just goes along with it sometimes. That seems like the real issue, not that you can't stick to a diet. Anxiety and depression can make you not want to actually help yourself, it makes a weightloss journey feel like a punishment for not being strong enough when actually it should feel good to make positive choices that will lead to a longer, healthier life.
You don't have to be miserable because you are "fat". You deserve happiness no matter what size you are and you deserve to enjoy your life now, not be waiting to be happy until you're the right size. If you're not already looking for treatment for your anxiety, or you can't then maybe try surrounding yourself with body positive social media. It sounds shallow to recommend instagram for a mental health problem but it genuinely helped me. I was (kinda still am) stuck in a cycle of self hatred, starving-binging cycles and like a constant, low level panic that I was going to be "too big" forever that was paralyzing. Hearing/ seeing people who had gone through the same thing and come through the other side more able to love themselves as they were AND make positive healthy choices (not as a punishment!) was soothing. I like mikzazon, bodyposipanda, whollyhealed, ownitbabe, kenziebrenna and maryscupoftea but there are a ton of others out there that cover a whole spectrum of experiences with weight and diet culture and food issues.
Losing weight is a simple numbers game. Getting into a positive mindset about it is the hard part but it's not impossible.8 -
I started from a bad place when I was losing weight and needed to take things pretty slowly due to limitations of age and medical conditions.
To keep my head up, I learned that it was really affirming to celebrate small things like sticking to my goals for a day, losing each pound, walking a bit further than I had before. Celebrating each accomplishment as it comes, patting yourself on the back for each small thing sounds like a bit of trite advice, but it has a way of reprogramming your brain into being positive.
Every time I had a negative thought about how slowly things were going, I could pull out a laundry list off all the small things I HAD done. It really helped.
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Hi Angie, I am another Angela and also about the same weight.
Personally I don't think weight loss alone makes anyone happy, however I do think eating better and exercising can help in the long term.
It's hard to notice the differences in yourself because you see yourself everyday, try taking progress pictures, it makes them a lot easier to spot and celebrate non-scale goals too.
Weight loss isn't down to hope or luck it's down to consistency, if you have a sustainable plan that you can stick to over a long period of time, you will lose weight. The sustainable part is what is often the problem, you need a plan that works for you.9 -
Losing weight and happiness aren't really related- but it can make you miserable if that's all you focus on. For example when you look at the scale and it hasn't shifted (the frustration, the disappointment) or even if it has but you remind yourself how far you have to go (is that all I've lost?) can put you in a really negative place. As you suggest it's a mindset game. Try to build healthier habits and celebrate the lbs coming off, and allow for times when things don't go to plan. It's not an overnight matter- but by thinking of rewarding (non-food) related celebrations to hit goal posts can be motivating and fun. How are you balancing your calories at the moment? I find it helps me to have a larger deficit Monday to Friday, then I can relax and eat more socially at the weekend and I definitely feel less deprived and happier overall.3
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I think it is a mistake for us to directly associate weight with happiness and that people who do so risk having problems.
CAN one be happy while losing weight? The answer is a resounding yes: you don't have to suffer to lose weight and you CAN make the process both enjoyable and very positive.
However, expecting to become happy by losing weight is not a safe course of action and neither is expecting that your life will drastically change because you changed size.
I am not saying that changes cannot and/or will not happen. I am just saying that they should be treated as a separate issue from your own underling mood and mental health concerns that should be addressed separately.14 -
I can only speak for myself, but I am not. Weight/appearance changes have made zero difference to my self-image/self-esteem. But for me, my self-criticism goes a lot deeper than just my appearance.7
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Losing weight doesn't inherently make one happy or solve their problems. However, in most cases it probably doesn't hurt. Sort of like money doesn't buy happiness, but the lack of it sure can make things tougher. I'm not happy with myself when I'm overweight. It might sound shallow, but I just don't feel I'm a person who can carry extra weight and get away with it. I need to be a normal weight to feel good about my appearance.
I'll be blunt. You've lost 14 pounds since February. That's good, but not a particularly fast or even moderate rate of loss for someone your size. At your weight, it probably doesn't show a lot. You say you spend each day constantly hoping to lose weight. It doesn't work that way. You have to put in real, consistent effort. It's not impossible, or even all that hard, but you have to do the work. Hoping won't get you there. You'd probably be happier with the satisfaction of knowing you're actively working toward your goals.17 -
icecreamtime wrote: »Howdy im Angie 5'2 and currently weighing 223-224 I am just so tired of being so miserable all the time. 99% of the time im thinking of how fat i am. Besides the fact that i am super self consious about my appearance i suffer from anxiety and this makes everything 1000 times worse. I wish i could just be happy about the way i look. Does anyone out ther have this problem? im sure im not the only one. ive been trying to lose weight for a while now and its the first time im sticking to it. ive lost about 14 pounds since Feb. and seriously i think i look the same. How can i change my way of thinking is the question. Its very frustrating to live this way as far as spending everyday constantly hoping to lose weight. i dont wanna look back when im old and regret not enjoying my life. i want to live and enjoy my life and i feel im not.
The thing is, you don't have 100% control over the number on the scale. You can do everything right and still have a week or two here and there where you don't lose weight or even gain. And when you will "see" the difference is also arbitrary. So you are tying your happiness to things you can't control. Maybe instead:- Give yourself all due credit for getting started and making changes. Tons of people never do that, and you DID! That's awesome and you can and should feel happy and proud for doing it.
- Try to think of your goal as the things you are doing, not the results. You can't control the results, but you can control your actions. Make a plan of action and stick to it, just for the sake of sticking to your plan. Logging every day, hitting your calorie goal, turning to something other than food in a difficult time, taking a walk after dinner, etc.
- Write these action goals down and literally check them off when you do them every day or week or whatever. Take a moment to document and acknowledge that you are doing this.
- Try to think about how you feel, and how your body works, rather than how you look. We are our own toughest critic in the mirror. But when you can get up the stairs a little easier, when you have a little more energy, when you aren't winded at the end of your walk when you used to be - these are easier accomplishments to give ourselves credit for.
- Once a day, stop and think about 5 things you are grateful for or that make you happy. Even silly little things like YT kitten videos or your favorite comfy boots. There is a lot more to your life than your weight
I'm sorry you're struggling, hang in there!9 -
There are 2 kinds of happy. There is the inside happy, which is you happy of your accomplishments. There is also the outside happy when you get compliments. The outside happy is nice, but doesn't last as long as the inside happy. You can be inside happy today with the accomplishment of starting your effort to lose weight and get in smaller clothes. You can be inside happy with a single meal that meets your needs within your calorie budget. There are many different ways to be inside happy with this process, and you possess the ability to recognize them.
I see you're a Texas girl. That is a reason to be inside happy!7 -
For me, losing the weight helped lift the fog a bit. I still get the sads, but overall my life outlook has improved after weight loss because there is so much more life to experience. While it's kind of sad, people do treat you differently when you are a healthy weight and it seems that life can generally be more productive when not obese. I feel like people take me and my thoughts/opinions more seriously because I'm normal sized.4
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I can only speak for myself, but I am not. Weight/appearance changes have made zero difference to my self-image/self-esteem. But for me, my self-criticism goes a lot deeper than just my appearance.
Wow..... this exactly!!
I will say, having gone down this road a couple of times, I actually feel the best when I'm "losing weight".
Because to me it's not about losing but gaining..... gaining control of my diet, my fitness, my life!!
It's a slow process with twists and turns, ups and downs but I truly believe committing to it has helped me alot with the self criticism and self esteem.8 -
bikecheryl wrote: »I can only speak for myself, but I am not. Weight/appearance changes have made zero difference to my self-image/self-esteem. But for me, my self-criticism goes a lot deeper than just my appearance.
Wow..... this exactly!!
I will say, having gone down this road a couple of times, I actually feel the best when I'm "losing weight".
Because to me it's not about losing but gaining..... gaining control of my diet, my fitness, my life!!
It's a slow process with twists and turns, ups and downs but I truly believe committing to it has helped me alot with the self criticism and self esteem.
I would agree with that. There is value/accomplishment/satisfaction that comes from being in control and seeing progress.2 -
As someone who previously suffered from an Eating disorder, and still struggles with unhealthy thoughts everyday, I can tell you that unfortunately losing weight and/or becoming thin won't make you happy. If you have deeply rooted issues with yourself and with your self esteem, your weight won't change that. For those who are emotional eaters food is just a way to cope with stress and emotions and our weight just becomes another excuse to criticize ourselves. However, losing weight will have benefits that will also most likely have an impact on your mood and on the way you see yourself. Losing weight if you're overweight will most likely improve your health and allow you to do things you weren't able to do before. Realizing that you're doing something good for yourself will further motivate you to improve your life in other aspects as well. You will also prove to yourself that you're able to reach a goal once you've put your mind to it. In my case, it didn't solve my issues even though it helped a bit, it's just that I have had too many things going on with me for way too long. However, an improvement is always an improvement, even if you're still struggling. It's definitely better to tackle your anxiety with a few kgs down the drain and an improved self esteem. If you need any help just let me know, I am dealing with anxiety at the moment as well
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icecreamtime wrote: »Howdy im Angie 5'2 and currently weighing 223-224 I am just so tired of being so miserable all the time. 99% of the time im thinking of how fat i am. Besides the fact that i am super self consious about my appearance i suffer from anxiety and this makes everything 1000 times worse. I wish i could just be happy about the way i look. Does anyone out ther have this problem? im sure im not the only one. ive been trying to lose weight for a while now and its the first time im sticking to it. ive lost about 14 pounds since Feb. and seriously i think i look the same. How can i change my way of thinking is the question. Its very frustrating to live this way as far as spending everyday constantly hoping to lose weight. i dont wanna look back when im old and regret not enjoying my life. i want to live and enjoy my life and i feel im not.
I used to be an emotional eater but now successfully manage stress with a regular exercise program plus more when life gets tougher. My anxiety and depression would be far worse without exercise. Plus, it burns calories!
When I get those happy hormones from exercise, I also make better food choices. I'm not a "clean" eater, and do eat some "junk" food, but when I limit it, I feel better.
It's not easy - I have knee issues that I have to constantly work around - and I often have to force myself to start - but am always glad that I did.
It is especially important for my mental well being to spend time outdoors in nature.
So, my progress may not show up on the scale as fast as I'd like, but I feel better after implementing healthy habits.2 -
It doesn’t go away. I still have that body dysmorphic image now lol.2
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I think it is a mistake for us to directly associate weight with happiness and that people who do so risk having problems.
CAN one be happy while losing weight? The answer is a resounding yes: you don't have to suffer to lose weight and you CAN make the process both enjoyable and very positive.
However, expecting to become happy by losing weight is not a safe course of action and neither is expecting that your life will drastically change because you changed size.
I am not saying that changes cannot and/or will not happen. I am just saying that they should be treated as a separate issue from your own underling mood and mental health concerns that should be addressed separately.
This is really well said and strikes home. I did have fun losing weight, I fell in love with running again, I feel joyful just being free and having boundless energy once again. It wasn’t the weight loss directly that made me happy, but being able to do so much more without feeling tired anymore. Running again also gave me goals, each week I want to run further than the last, or do a new race I’ve never done before, it gives me a sense of achievement and satisfaction. It has also given me the power to see the world in a new light, im out there at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning while the rest of the world is sleeping, it is so peaceful seeing the sunrise on this town and hearing total silence except for the wildlife. Something about that just calms all those negative voices in my head.
If it’s of any encouragement to you the hardest part is getting started.4 -
To change our way of thinking, we honestly have to change our actions. We often think we’ll get our heads straight first, then we’ll do the positive thing — but in fact, doing the positive thing is what moves us toward getting our heads aligned.
I’m sure there are motivation posters that say it much better 😉3 -
WOW! ALL THESE REPLYS. I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THIS COMMUNITY AND I KNOW ALREADY THAT BY THESE REPLYS AND THIS COMMUNITY I WILL B OKAY. ITS SO WEIRD HOW SIMPLE WORDS CAN BOOST U UP KNOWING THAT THER ARE PEOPLE GOING THROUGH THE SAME OR SIMILAR EXPERIENCES I AM. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR UR INPUT AND I KNOW RIGHT NOW THAT TODAY WILL BE A GREAT DAY BECAUSE OF ALL OF U THAT REPLIED. THIS COMMUNITY RIGHT HERE JUST GAVE ME HOPE. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!16
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I have never really been happy with my appearance at any weight I have been even when very thin. I think it is easy to focus on the negatives. You might benefit from more positive self talk. Think about all the things you like about yourself - not necessarily appearance and not what other people think.
These days I am at a place in my head where I care more how I feel, what I can do and my health more than appearance.
It took 20-25 lbs loss before I could really see a visible difference in progress photos and needed some new clothes.
Are you being treated for your anxiety? If you are working with a therapist maybe bring this up. If one of your issues is emotional eating maybe work on developing new coping tools.
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I feel you girl.
I'm 5'3 and started out at 224. I've lost 30lbs and only just now started to notice a difference and only sometimes. But I'm also going by how my clothes are fitting too. I started out at a becoming tight 18 and I'm now in size 14. Even though I don't usually see the change in the mirror or even in photos, it's there.
I also have anxiety and what got me to finally stick with a diet is a health scare. I started having chest pains and it scared me to death. Thankfully it was just stress causing it and nothing more serious, but I finally got in the right frame of mind to stick with it instead of giving up after a few weeks. Helps to have found a diet that I don't feel deprived too (dirty keto).
I just keep looking at it like this... especially when I'm having cravings (which are few and far between now).
Do I want to spend the rest of my life being miserable about my weight/appearance? Or do I want to spend this year or so losing weight and finally.. FINALLY being in a body I'm not ashamed of? Sure, I wish I could go out and eat all the junk food and all the carbs! But ya know.. those foods aren't going anywhere. Am I going to give in and eat junk food for that moment of happiness followed by guilt and shame and frustration? Or am I going to stick with this and be proud of myself for reaching my goals??
We've already wasted too much time being unhappy about our appearance/weight. It's time to stop being miserable and start doing something about it. Stop making excuses to stop. Stop making excuses as to why you can't or why it's too hard.
Yes YOU CAN DO IT. It may be hard at first, but it gets easier and then you look back and want to kick yourself in the butt for not doing it sooner.
We all can do this, but we have to stop making excuses to go back to old habits.2 -
I feel you girl.
I'm 5'3 and started out at 224. I've lost 30lbs and only just now started to notice a difference and only sometimes. But I'm also going by how my clothes are fitting too. I started out at a becoming tight 18 and I'm now in size 14. Even though I don't usually see the change in the mirror or even in photos, it's there.
I also have anxiety and what got me to finally stick with a diet is a health scare. I started having chest pains and it scared me to death. Thankfully it was just stress causing it and nothing more serious, but I finally got in the right frame of mind to stick with it instead of giving up after a few weeks. Helps to have found a diet that I don't feel deprived too (dirty keto).
I just keep looking at it like this... especially when I'm having cravings (which are few and far between now).
Do I want to spend the rest of my life being miserable about my weight/appearance? Or do I want to spend this year or so losing weight and finally.. FINALLY being in a body I'm not ashamed of? Sure, I wish I could go out and eat all the junk food and all the carbs! But ya know.. those foods aren't going anywhere. Am I going to give in and eat junk food for that moment of happiness followed by guilt and shame and frustration? Or am I going to stick with this and be proud of myself for reaching my goals??
We've already wasted too much time being unhappy about our appearance/weight. It's time to stop being miserable and start doing something about it. Stop making excuses to stop. Stop making excuses as to why you can't or why it's too hard.
Yes YOU CAN DO IT. It may be hard at first, but it gets easier and then you look back and want to kick yourself in the butt for not doing it sooner.
We all can do this, but we have to stop making excuses to go back to old habits.
"We've already wasted too much time being unhappy about our appearance/weight. It's time to stop being miserable and start doing something about it. Stop making excuses to stop. Stop making excuses as to why you can't or why it's too hard."
SO TRUE!💚0 -
Going through this process has caused me to look at this from a very different perspective. I draw on the financial analogy often, but also like education. Prior to getting a degree are people unhappy with their state of mind? Even after earning the degree it isn't the diploma that makes one happy, but the training they went through and the new process of thought they can use to keep the momentum of growth going.
Your body is a work in progress. You are not defined by any select snapshot, but a collective. Neither is your happiness defined by acquiring one desire. Happiness is found on the path, not the destination.
I was happy when overweight. I am arguably happier now, but this is more due to a sense of achievement, experience, and lessons learned, not some arbitrary number on a scale.3 -
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Our appearance is only a small part of who we yet the part we most often focus on. Look for all of your positives, not just in how you look but who you are to truly build your self-worth and happiness. That way an improved appearance with weight loss is an added bonus.2
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Exercise when you get your heart rate up and slightly out of breath does wonders for my mental health2
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I don't necessarily agree that we should love the way we look no matter what. There is a place where we have to accept ourselves, but within reason, if you don't like something about yoieself, then change it.3
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