Debate:

mustacheU2Lift
mustacheU2Lift Posts: 5,844 Member
edited November 29 in Chit-Chat
Go for it. What's something on your mind...opposing views...

1st date canceled ...would you schedule a 2nd

Man expecting Dutch on a 1st date

Women saying I'm fine when they are not...ya or nay (maybe she was fine till you asked her if she's was fine)

Too many selfies...is there an acceptable amount

Skipping over people in threads ...rude or just having fun

Pick a side

***these views are not my own nor do I hold any accountability if this thread crash and burns...hard feelings not allowed, play at your own risk, devils advocates welcome

Replies

  • mustacheU2Lift
    mustacheU2Lift Posts: 5,844 Member
    I try not to skip people...but I also respond to things I relate to or find funny...sometimes our style or personality lends us to react to other posters more...
  • mustacheU2Lift
    mustacheU2Lift Posts: 5,844 Member
    Weirdly enough I'll cancel a first date but if someone cancels on me...no reschedules.
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  • mustacheU2Lift
    mustacheU2Lift Posts: 5,844 Member
    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    if u offer to pay and he accepts and u get offended then basically u just set a trap and that means u are prolly the type who will do that all the time saying things like “do u think my sister is pretty?” and then getting mad no matter what the guy says JMO

    True. But I didnt say I got offended. I just said there's something about a man who insists on paying...maybe validating that hes truly into me...but I choose to offer so as to not put expectations on either of us in case one of us is not into it. A trap would be intentionally doing this to see how he responds.
  • zcb94
    zcb94 Posts: 3,678 Member
    edited October 2018
    Ladies hiding our emotions-don’t, just don’t! I’m a lady myself and I personally value honest yet respectful communication, so that is what I will give and expect unless and until doing so has been clearly stated as a safety threat (such as in the “I’ll give you something to cry about!” threat). You (general you, but especially my close male relatives) will NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT speaking to me that way or striking me, not even in “love” (no-due to my injury, “love pats” to the kitten are actually a fantastic nonverbal way to express “I fully-grown cat HATE YOU!!”), unless you want lifelong court appointed anger management “shrinkage” (therapy) in a setup that will indefinitely separate you from your family and community (perhaps by forcing you to relocate closer to, if not in a clinical house with, your shrink) for their ultimate safety.
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  • zcb94
    zcb94 Posts: 3,678 Member
    FeelinFooFoo wrote: »
    I say 'I'm fine' when I just don't want to get into a big discussion at that point in time. Maybe she isn't fine but just not in the head space to start talking about it. It can be infuriating to deal with someone who won't open up despite its obvious something is wrong. I think that's when it's best to try not to take it 'personally'.
    Ahh yes. As a natural born listener, if you (again, and this time exclusively, general you) don’t give me words to listen to, you’ll “help” me to feel unwanted. (My disability already comes with plenty of that-thanks anyway!)
  • danavelling
    danavelling Posts: 1,224 Member
    If I’m asked on a date, I expect him to pay but I’m always prepared
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    I generally prefer going Dutch, however, I tend to follow the, 'I ask, I pay' and if 'he asks, he pays'
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  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    ladies dropping some truth bombs in here.
    hope the rest of us guys are listening too
  • pudgy1977
    pudgy1977 Posts: 13,499 Member
    If you are canceling a first date it’d better be over an actually phone call and not a text.

    I love when a date offers to pay, especially for a first date. To me says that they are interested in dating me and not just sleeping with me. That being said I will try to refuse to allow that as I hate feeling like I owe someone.

    Turns out women are impossible
  • mustacheU2Lift
    mustacheU2Lift Posts: 5,844 Member
    pudgy1977 wrote: »
    If you are canceling a first date it’d better be over an actually phone call and not a text.

    I love when a date offers to pay, especially for a first date. To me says that they are interested in dating me and not just sleeping with me. That being said I will try to refuse to allow that as I hate feeling like I owe someone.

    Turns out women are impossible

    Oops I'm guilty of canceling through texts...I generally hate getting stuck in a phone conversation.
  • pudgy1977
    pudgy1977 Posts: 13,499 Member
    mustacheU2Lift wrote: »
    pudgy1977 wrote: »
    If you are canceling a first date it’d better be over an actually phone call and not a text.

    I love when a date offers to pay, especially for a first date. To me says that they are interested in dating me and not just sleeping with me. That being said I will try to refuse to allow that as I hate feeling like I owe someone.

    Turns out women are impossible

    Oops I'm guilty of canceling through texts...I generally hate getting stuck in a phone conversation.

    Well gals are exempt. We have the goods...we do what we want!

    Oh and I’ve done it too. Ooops
  • mustacheU2Lift
    mustacheU2Lift Posts: 5,844 Member
    lstrat115 wrote: »
    I went on a date where the guy bought dinner and then we went and played pool and drank. He gave his card to the waitress to start a tab. While he was in the bathroom I gave her my card instead because I felt like I should do my part. The bar tab ended up being $125 😑

    Lol...maybe backfired...but I like this.


    What happened to him?
  • Tankiscool
    Tankiscool Posts: 11,105 Member
    1st date canceled ...would you schedule a 2nd

    Too many variables, it would be dependent on why or what the reasoning behind it was and how the cancellation was conducted.

    Man expecting Dutch on a 1st date

    As a man, I have always paid that I can remember, however I would say 99% of the time I asked the woman out, my reasoning is I am asking another person to spend time with me to get to know me better. Time is precious, at least to me it is. If you called up your best friend and asked them to go out to eat because you really need them to talk to or you had a day, or for whatever that reason may be, would you not pay for their meal as well? I sure would. Maybe that's a little different context but the principle still applies, there are hundreds to thousands of things the other person could potentially be doing but instead decided to take an hour or two out of their day to spend it with you.


    Women saying I'm fine when they are not...ya or nay (maybe she was fine till you asked her if she's was fine)

    Doesn't this ultimately depend on the relationship and personality of the woman? I am sure we all know somebody that say's that they are fine and that's your cue to not push and ask more because you know they don't want to talk about it at the point in time and when they do want to they will come to you and vent about it. Or they are literally fine, life's going ok, nothing extremely good or bad is going on with their life, so they are "fine"

    But I will say at the same time, if they are not fine but say they are and also have this unrealistic expectation (unrealistic being that it wasn't something that important like forgetting her bday or anniversary or not being there for her are important, forgetting to get eggs at the store, not so important) that I should know why they aren't fine I did something 247 days ago and they somehow remembered that one incident and still mad about it even though we already were over it, yeah that *kitten* doesn't fly with me.

    Too many selfies...is there an acceptable amount

    A specific number would be impossible, no? I do think if it were possible to have a study done were people would look at social media pages of multiple people and view it on their own, the majority of people in the study would come to an agreement on those who are little too self absorbed on social media. Bottom line, I think we know it when we see it.

    Skipping over people in threads ...rude or just having fun

    Not sure what you are getting at here, I am not a huge poster on here so no comment.
  • bojack5
    bojack5 Posts: 2,859 Member
    Too many selfies? The me of just a couple of years ago would have definitely said most are overdoing it. But, the me of a couple of years ago would have been wrong. Its part of what society is today and i have even bought into it way more than i thought i would. Id like it if a lot of the selfies were a little more realistic.....but what does it matter if i never see any of the people here in real life anyway.....how they look here would be the reality than.....right?

    I do notice something though......its only about 25% of the members that take 75% of the selfies. Maybe it means we need even more people taking selfies!
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    I am paying for the date. I think its nice if my date offers but i will not accept. If a woman is adamant about it its annoying to me. In a relationship there is a little more give and take, but with dating call me sexist, old fashioned, whatever, i am paying.

    If you're as forthright in real life as you are in here @bojack5, I highly doubt any woman would want to cross your traditional settings. If she continues to barrage you, then she's a helmet, and there usually isn't a recourse from there.

    It's actually refreshing that you would insist to pay, no matter how archaic the practice . Dating modernists can get old quickly, with them always having to iron out "I'm on a budget" ( if he's paying) or wanting to order for you to keep everything within his limit ... Remember, from my younger years, I would just pay for it to put a stop to the counting. American men have restored my faith in a mens ability to not quibble over money - it's unattractive.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    I did not really do traditional dating but I'll share how I think it should go with that kind of stuff.
    If someone canceled a date by phone before the time of the date but had a reasonable reason, were apologetic and wanted to try again then I suppose I'd give another chance. If they didn't call or show up until long after the date time I'd be less willing to try again.
    I think if both people discuss and agree to a date location/activity then both people should come prepared to pay for themselves these days. I don't think people should ever automatically expect the other person understands that they want to split the costs of the date. It would be best to discuss who is going to pay for what before hand especially if the plans are pricier like a fancy restaurant or concert vs meeting up for a casual coffee or pizza. If you invite someone out and make the date decisions in regards to location/activity then you should expect to pay.

    People who say they are fine when they are not. People do have a right not to discuss things even if you ask. They can say they are fine and you can leave them be. They do not have a right to say they are fine and then get mad that you did not know what was bothering them though. It is not right for a woman or man to expect others to read their minds or expect others to keep asking.

    Selfies... I am a bit anti-selfie. I don't take them. I don't want to see them often. I think you can take as many selfies as you want but the amount you should share on sometging like Facebook should be limited to maybe no more than once a week unless all your Facebook friends are selfie maniacs. If it is your own blog, twitter, instagram or a selfie group then share as the mood strikes you I guess. Don't take selfies that endanger wildlife, yourself or others though.

    If you acknowledge every single other person in a thread but skip one who posted before others you acknowleged then it is rude. If you just don't respond to absolutely everyone in a thread then it is not a big deal.
  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
    edited October 2018
    I would always always always push to treat, I don't care if you want a second date or not...

    I just don't want to feel or look like a cheap *kitten* when you go to pay for yourself... That just feels all kinds of awful to me lol

    I would do the same in a lot of cases if it was just a friend... "I got it" feels great to say it.

    Besides, how can you even expect a second if you don't pay for the first, especially if you asked her
  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
    Too many selfies...

    Depends on the context...

    For women, selfie all you want, it doesn't bother me anyway...

    Guys I think should show restraint, unless you're just posting fun and wacky photos enjoying yourself, then post away... But if you're like "look at me, don't you think I'm pretty" insert cheeky grin lol... Then you should show some restraint... Restraint is sexy right?

    I know it's a double standard blah blah blah but there's my 2
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  • _aenyeweddien_
    _aenyeweddien_ Posts: 102 Member
    mustacheU2Lift wrote: »
    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    if u offer to pay and he accepts and u get offended then basically u just set a trap and that means u are prolly the type who will do that all the time saying things like “do u think my sister is pretty?” and then getting mad no matter what the guy says JMO

    True. But I didnt say I got offended. I just said there's something about a man who insists on paying...maybe validating that hes truly into me...but I choose to offer so as to not put expectations on either of us in case one of us is not into it. A trap would be intentionally doing this to see how he responds.

    I totally agree, I am fine with paying my half but I like the old school gentleman type:)
  • BoterhamMetPindakaas
    BoterhamMetPindakaas Posts: 26 Member
    I'm Dutch and when I was dating the guy always wanted to pay. I'd rather go Dutch so I don't feel like I owe him anything. I can pay for my own food, and I cannot be bought.
  • mustacheU2Lift
    mustacheU2Lift Posts: 5,844 Member
    TrailRunnerMN82 wrote: »
    pudgy1977 wrote: »
    mustacheU2Lift wrote: »
    pudgy1977 wrote: »
    If you are canceling a first date it’d better be over an actually phone call and not a text.

    I love when a date offers to pay, especially for a first date. To me says that they are interested in dating me and not just sleeping with me. That being said I will try to refuse to allow that as I hate feeling like I owe someone.

    Turns out women are impossible

    Oops I'm guilty of canceling through texts...I generally hate getting stuck in a phone conversation.

    Well gals are exempt. We have the goods...we do what we want!

    Ha. You wish.

    I always ask a woman out and I always pay. I don’t even think about it being chivalrous or old fashion or whatever.

    I find out her favorite drink and secretly tell the server to keep ‘em coming. My strategy is to get her so tipsy that I hustle all the money out of her by playing anything from darts to pool. Once I drain her bank roll, I say “Don’t worry. We can go on a second date and I’ll give you the opportunity to win your money back. I’ll pay” (with the money I won from her). Rinse and repeat :tongue:

    :D doing this...
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