I binge when I get angry
Morty90210
Posts: 37 Member
Hello...i tend to emotional eat and eat when I get angry or anxious. My mother in law makes me uneasy and i always end up eating when I start thinking of her. She is snarky and critical. I know i cant blame it on her cause im the one eating the food but I want to get past this and end this binge cycle.
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Replies
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Have an alternative strategy in place..firstly avoid thinking of her, secondly if angry go for a boxing class instead, go chop some wood, go for a walk, relax in the bath.5
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Counseling to learn how to interact with her in a different way. You can't change her, but you can change your reaction. Other things to try: yoga, meditation, and/or mindfulness.12
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I know...i have just gotten myself into a terrible habit and need to break it.2
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What slowed me down from stress eating is getting into the habit of weighing everything. When you have to weigh it before you eat it A: shifts your focus B: Makes you realize you don't need those extra calories.7
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Morty90210 wrote: »I know...i have just gotten myself into a terrible habit and need to break it.
Understood, but breaking habits is easier (not easy) when you replace it with something else (positive behaviour), whether that be yoga, meditation, (kick)boxing, walking, or any other number of things. The other thing is learning to interrupt the behaviour before you engage in it. It's not easy, and you will likely have some successes and some failures, but if you remain persistent with it, it can be done.4 -
Morty90210 wrote: »My mother in law makes me uneasy
They say if to only keep things in your life that brings you joy.........I know a guy if you need some help lol.
This may be contrary to what everyone else is saying but isn't she the one "winning" when you binge eat? It's time to be selfish and think about yourself, you gotta think about you and your health. Prove to yourself and her that you are better than this and what she says or does, doesn't get to you at all. Maybe that is by replacing this habit with something else or maybe its just coming to grips with reality that this *kitten* will always be there but in order to be the better person you have to do something and not just let yourself fall back into your old bad habit.
I don't know the answer to your problems but I do know acknowledging that you have a problem is always the first step. Where you go from here is up to you. Maybe forcing yourself to go and track those calories from your last or next binge will open your eyes and say *kitten* I ate that much, I can't do that again. Learn and embrace your failures, so you can learn to be better the next time. Only you can hold yourself accountable.2 -
Do some cardio.
It will reduce stress and make you less angry.
plus you can binge the calories you burn without going over.
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I completely relate to this issue. Well, the anger eating, not the mother in law.
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It is nearly impossible to stop a thought. But you can crowd it out with new thoughts.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/toxic-relationships/201808/dealing-toxic-parents
Find new ways to deal with the M-I-L and the eating will take care of itself.
It goes without saying that your partner better be backing you up.4 -
Get a divorce....job done
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The issue isn’t the trigger. Something is always going to make you feel anxious, or angry, or uneasy. No one sails through life with no negative emotions whatsoever; no one’s life is entirely without obstacles. Even if you traded places with your favorite celebrity tomorrow, you’d still feel pretty much the same ratios of fear, joy, anger and sadness as you do right now.
Your thing is that when you feel negative emotions, you try to bury them in food. It’s an unhealthy coping mechanism, just like purging, drinking, cheating, or overspending. We all have things we have to cope with somehow; your method hurts you.
It’s useful to identify what sets you off, but only up to a point. You’re never going to eliminate all triggers, so your focus needs to be on replacing your unhealthy coping mechanism with something that actually works for you. It might mean having to experience the bad feelings more deeply and for longer than you’re accustomed to. A therapist could be really useful in helping to walk you through that.2 -
OldAssDude wrote: »Do some cardio.
It will reduce stress and make you less angry.
plus you can binge the calories you burn without going over.
I slam some iron or go work on something! Sometimes I just beat a hammer on a old tire when I get angry!2 -
OldAssDude wrote: »Do some cardio.
It will reduce stress and make you less angry.
plus you can binge the calories you burn without going over.
Cardio as a stress reliever, yes.
But from personal experience, exercising to offset or enable a binge is just mentally and physically punishing. Led me to bulimic tendencies, particularly exercise bulimia.
ETA: I fully sympathize on the MIL issues. Takes a lot to deal with on my part, no binging just praying and saying what needs to be said with tact.
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New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »OldAssDude wrote: »Do some cardio.
It will reduce stress and make you less angry.
plus you can binge the calories you burn without going over.
Cardio as a stress reliever, yes.
But from personal experience, exercising to offset or enable a binge is just mentally and physically punishing. Led me to bulimic tendencies, particularly exercise bulimia.
ETA: I fully sympathize on the MIL issues. Takes a lot to deal with on my part, no binging just praying and saying what needs to be said with tact.
Whats funny about exercise/work for me is, hard work or weights just destroys my appetite! Walking or cardio... ups it. I guess we all respond differently.2 -
maybe you purposely think of her so you can give yourself an excuse to eat.
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Meet this "problem" at the source. If your MIL says things that cause you to experience those feelings, then use assertive statements with her.1
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I eat when I’m angry too. I find if I can hold off I avoid the binge and I feel better when the anger passes. It seems to come from a need to DO something so exercise helps.0
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The easiest method to stop binge eating is to stop the trigger.
The question you need to ask yourself is: are you being unreasonably angry at your mother in law? Is it general anger that you're directing at her?
Solving your anger issues might help solve your binge eating.
Personally I used to be a very angry person. I had anger issues. It wasn't healthy and I used to get into fights at school. My parents sorted it by sending me to Judo classes. I honestly cannot recommend martial arts enough. On top of being a safe channel for all that aggression, it also often teaches self discipline and inner calm. Probably about 1 in 4 of the adults who train at my club started because they had anger issues, and you would have no idea if you didn't know that (in fact, I have a feeling when me and one of the other coaches worked it out it was more than that, but I'm only half remembering so I'm going with a lower estimate)
Now if the issue is with your mother in law herself, well, you need to work out what you're going to do. But this really need to speak to your partner too. At the end of the day, if she is being unreasonable, it is not okay for you to just sit there and take it, while they sit along in blissful ignorance. Speak to them. They may not be aware of the problem, or might just not see it as an issue. If you really have a problem, it's often much more diplomatic for your partner to speak to their mother, than for you to speak directly.
And another thing that is especially true for mother in laws is that they probably have had free run over their child's whole life up until now, there will always be an adjustment period in understanding that they may not be the most important women in their child's life anymore (and this can be a long, long time). That's a tough change. She might be doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Sometimes it's important to remind her that this is your (plural - you and your partner's) life now, and you're going to do things your way, not her way (unless of course you're in extenuating circumstances, such as living at her house, or somehow dependent on her)2 -
Another vote for cardio or weights. And CBT.
This book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for overeating was available in my library system, so perhaps yours as well.
The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person
Can thinking and eating like a thin person be learned, similar to learning to drive or use a computer? Beck (Cognitive Therapy for Challenging Problems) contends so, based on decades of work with patients who have lost pounds and maintained weight through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Beck's six-week program adapts CBT, a therapeutic system developed by Beck's father, Aaron, in the 1960s, to specific challenges faced by yo-yo dieters, including negative thinking, bargaining, emotional eating, bingeing, and eating out. Beck counsels readers day-by-day, introducing new elements (creating advantage response cards, choosing a diet, enlisting a diet coach, making a weight-loss graph) progressively and offering tools to help readers stay focused (writing exercises, to-do lists, ways to counter negative thoughts). There are no eating plans, calorie counts, recipes or exercises; according to Beck, any healthy diet will work if readers learn to think differently about eating and food. Beck's book is like an extended therapy session with a diet coach. (Apr.)
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"Anger is the result of unmet expectations."
The first time I heard that phrase it really resonated with me. My anger does come when my expectations are not met. So, the question is, are my expectations reasonable? Sometimes they are not. I cannot expect that no one will ever get in front of me on the road and go slower than I would like. Sometimes they are reasonable, like when I've worked all day and hubby hasn't, it's reasonable to expect he will have started dinner when I get home.
What expectations do you have of your mother-in-law? Are those expectations reasonable? Start dissecting these questions, drill down, figure out the answers. It may take outside help (counseling or a life coach). Then figure out how to change your response.6 -
You're half way there - you've identified both the cause and the response.
The next step is changing the response. It's not easy and takes time, discipline, and forgiveness... but it works.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »"Anger is the result of unmet expectations."
The first time I heard that phrase it really resonated with me. My anger does come when my expectations are not met. So, the question is, are my expectations reasonable? Sometimes they are not. I cannot expect that no one will ever get in front of me on the road and go slower than I would like. Sometimes they are reasonable, like when I've worked all day and hubby hasn't, it's reasonable to expect he will have started dinner when I get home.
What expectations do you have of your mother-in-law? Are those expectations reasonable? Start dissecting these questions, drill down, figure out the answers. It may take outside help (counseling or a life coach). Then figure out how to change your response.
Very insightful. My relationship with my father improved dramatically after I changed my expectations of him.1 -
Whether you're a Christian or not, the Bible provides some great advice I practice when my thoughts turn south: “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8) We each have the power to turn our minds, our thoughts, in a different direction. God has given us additional assurance: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) We have power over our minds and bodies, we have the ability to love the unlovely people in our lives, and, the older I get, the more I treasure that "sound mind."3
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quiksylver296 wrote: »"Anger is the result of unmet expectations."
The first time I heard that phrase it really resonated with me. My anger does come when my expectations are not met. So, the question is, are my expectations reasonable? Sometimes they are not. I cannot expect that no one will ever get in front of me on the road and go slower than I would like. Sometimes they are reasonable, like when I've worked all day and hubby hasn't, it's reasonable to expect he will have started dinner when I get home.
What expectations do you have of your mother-in-law? Are those expectations reasonable? Start dissecting these questions, drill down, figure out the answers. It may take outside help (counseling or a life coach). Then figure out how to change your response.
Oooh, i like that!0
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