My Parents Are Dying

ESPRESSO_OR_ELSE
ESPRESSO_OR_ELSE Posts: 16 Member
edited November 29 in Motivation and Support
I’m in my mid 30’s so I’ve gone through that phase where my parents are no longer these God-like human beings. They’re just people. They make mistakes as we all do. I’ve established my own family, career, life and I see my parents on holidays. But, my parents will always be my parents and I’ll always love them.

But, they are dying. They recently were told by their doctors that if they don’t change, they have little time left. They are both morbidly obese and have limited mobility. They have an array of medical issues, but all that I really immediately know are that they both have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, fatty liver disease and diabetes. They refuse to change their diet and refuse to exercise. They enjoy their alcohol (not good on their medication) and LOVE eating out. On average, they eat out for lunch and dinner 4-5 times a week.

For both of them, their parents died before reaching mid-60’s. My maternal grandfather died at 47. All heart attacks.

My parents are 64 and 62.

I finished packing my suitcase for the phone call soon.

I refuse to live the life they have. They claim to be happy, but I’m not sure how much of that is just denial. I changed my life around almost 2 years ago. I changed because I realized I love myself and my family too much to not change. I refuse to be sedentary when I retire.

Anyway, my point is this... You might have a bad day, you might skip the gym one day or you might gain a pound or two. It’s about the journey in life, not one day here or missing the gym once there. One-offs will happen. Life is hard. Just keep focus on being healthy (overall) and you’ll get there. You do it because you should love yourself and your family enough to do it.

Hugs everyone

Replies

  • Bry_Fitness70
    Bry_Fitness70 Posts: 2,480 Member
    Sorry to hear that. I can relate, my mom passed away a few years ago, largely from self-inflicted lifestyle habits (67 years old). She was the one who triggered my current (and permanent) fitness "midlife crisis", in doing everything I possibly can to avoid the same fate.
  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
    Hugs back at you, @ESPRESSO_OR_ELSE. I was in a similar situation. Part of my motivation to get healthy was my desire to not have adult-onset diabetes for decades, like my mother and her parents, or continuing cardiac and digestive issues like my father. Neither of my parents were around for my oldest son's high school graduation.

    There are no guarantees in life, but I'm determined to live in such a way that I have a good chance of seeing my great-grandchildren, and not wasting away my retirement watching TV and waiting for the inevitable stroke or heart attack.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    <3 hugs <3
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    OP, are you my sibling? Other than the alcohol you described my parents exactly. So, add me to the list that understands this issue. It's SO frustrating to watch but people will only change if and when they want to. In the meantime, all I can do is take care of myself.

    Most of my extended family is also overweight with diabetes, high blood pressure, etc., not just my parents so it's the "norm" for my family. They blame it on genetics and claim it's inevitable so no effort is given at all to take care of their own health. NOT for me, though!
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    All I can say is I am so sorry :(
    Stay strong and talk to them often so as you can live with no regrets.
    Its never too late to change your life <3
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    Tell your parents too that it is never too late to change....even little changes to start.
    Tell them all the time!
  • kami3006
    kami3006 Posts: 4,979 Member
    dsboohead wrote: »
    All I can say is I am so sorry :(
    Stay strong and talk to them often so as you can live with no regrets.
    Its never too late to change your life <3

    ^ Well said.

    I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,333 Member
    I'm sorry you're so sad...but doctors say these things to patients to try and motivate them not to depress their children, I also wonder why your parents would disclose this prognosis to you.

    Take care of your health and be an example.. your parents can change if they want,..and they very well could. All you can do in life is control what you do and be supportive and loving to your family and friends.

    Be happy and focus on the joy in life.
  • Jmatievich
    Jmatievich Posts: 38 Member
    They are tragic models for you of how not to “live” life. So sad. It’s awesome that you were able to turn this cycle around for yourself. Obesity is tragic but when parents feed their kids to the point of obesity it makes me so angry.
  • Evelyn_Gorfram
    Evelyn_Gorfram Posts: 706 Member
    Oh, @ESPRESSO_OR_ELSE , that's rotten :'( It's tough enough to face the idea of mortality in general, let alone the reality of our parents' mortality.

    This thread has put me much more in touch than I'd like to be with my own mortality. I'm 56, and have been obese since childhood and morbidly obese for the last two decades. The more simple statistics tables tell me I can expect to drop dead sometime around 65.

    More complex statistics tables give me five or so more years for not smoking or drinking (I'm not a puritan - I just don't like cigarettes, and drinking isn't one of my preferred forms of recreation). I don't have diabetes or heart disease (yet), and my moderately high BP is controlled by medication.

    If I'd been at a healthy weight all my adult life, my life expectancy would be around 81. The statistics for formerly chronically obese people who lose the excess weight and keep it off don't seem to exist: there probably aren't enough people who've done it. I'm losing weight with MFP now; and I really want to keep going, achieve a healthy weight, and contribute to that missing statistic.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    edited October 2018
    I hear you. Both of my parents died from self-inflicted lifestyle habits in their 60s. I was in my 20s when they died. It took a few years but their deaths (and limited lives) were the catalyst for my own lifestyle overhaul.
  • Xerogs
    Xerogs Posts: 328 Member
    edited October 2018
    My father passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2004 due to smoking most of his life, after than my Mom just stopped caring and is always on the brink of financial insecurity because of a gambling addiction. It sucks to see people who raised you to be a certain way just fall apart and totally be resistant to making any change in their lives for the better. It was hard but I had to have a heart to heart talk with my Mom and tell her we would no longer enable her self destructive behavior but we would be there to support her if she wanted to get help through therapy or GA. It's weird to suddenly be the "parent" to your parent but sometimes that is what it takes, not to say that you shouldn't care about what your parents are doing but they are adults so its worth your peace of mind to find some type of balance and let them know how you feel. Be prepared for nothing to change, my Mom still finds any excuse as a reason to gamble even though its been 14 years since my Dad passed.

    It's weird but I feel like some older folks, like my Mom, feel like they are just too old to change their ways which is complete and utter horse hockey. Humans are weird we find our little comfort zones and will latch onto them even when they are dragging them under.

    Stay strong, its difficult.
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