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Kids say the darnest things

Anna_BananaAnna_Banana Member Posts: 2,958 Member Member Posts: 2,958 Member
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions , she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

Replies

  • Anna_BananaAnna_Banana Member Posts: 2,958 Member Member Posts: 2,958 Member
    1) NUDITY
    I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

    2) OPINIONS
    On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

    3) KETCHUP
    A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

    4) MORE NUDITY
    A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

    5) POLICE # 1
    While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

    6) POLICE # 2
    It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

    7) ELDERLY
    While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions , she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

    8) DRESS-UP
    A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
    'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

    9) DEATH
    While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

    10) SCHOOL
    A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

    11) BIBLE
    A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
  • monica5237monica5237 Member Posts: 450 Member Posts: 450
    those are great thank you for a smile for the day
  • mamaof2girlsmamaof2girls Member Posts: 332 Member Member Posts: 332 Member
    :laugh: Those are so cute. They sound like some of things my girls say. My 3 yr old and my 8yr old were arguing over a book. The 3yr old comes out into the living room crying and says "Mommy, Kyla won't give me my book back!" I told her that I didn't want to hear any tattling and she needed to go into her room and share with her sister and find a way to work it out nicely. So I turned down the TV to hear what her solution was to the problem and I hear her say "Kyla, Mom said you have to give me my book back!" :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I started laughing histerically and my husband says to me " I don't recall hearing that come out of your mouth"
  • Anna_BananaAnna_Banana Member Posts: 2,958 Member Member Posts: 2,958 Member
    This lady in town always tells her kids "Thats rediculous". One day the dad was saying something to the kid and the kid replied " Dad you're **** less".:embarassed:
  • MFS27MFS27 Member Posts: 549 Member Member Posts: 549 Member
    My four-year old son wasn't sure how to say "kiwi", so he said, "Mama, I want another bikini!" :laugh: :laugh:
  • alyfinalyfin Member Posts: 103 Member Posts: 103
    This lady in town always tells her kids "Thats rediculous". One day the dad was saying something to the kid and the kid replied " Dad you're **** less".:embarassed:

    That's hilarious! You just made me laugh, and I passed it on to my husband, sister, brother, and best friend - and they all laughed pretty hard. Thanks!
  • LifeChanges42LifeChanges42 Member, Premium Posts: 636 Member Member, Premium Posts: 636 Member
    My nephew (3 1/2) always wants to bring toys to church and that is fine. A few times he has asked to bring his water gun to church and of course my sister-in-law said "no... guns aren't allowed in church.... there is no need for guns in God's house"
    So one Sunday while our pastor was on a retreat, we had a pastor that likes to do skits during the sermon come in..... He decided to do a cowboy skit. One of the guys had a toy gun in his holster and my nephew freaked out in front of the whole church and told him he was going to tell God that he had been naughty and brought a gun to church....

    The next week he walked up to our regular pastor and said "Hey, God, last sunday a guy can in with a gun and shot up your house."

    We figured out that my nephew thinks that the church is our pastors house and that the pastor is God...

    The congregation still laughs about the whole thing. My nephew was really frazzled over the whole incident. We still haven't gotten him to believe that the pastor is not God or that the church is not his house. He is very insistent about the way he believes it to be.
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mommared53mommared53 Member Posts: 9,554 Member Member Posts: 9,554 Member
    My nephew (3 1/2) always wants to bring toys to church and that is fine. A few times he has asked to bring his water gun to church and of course my sister-in-law said "no... guns aren't allowed in church.... there is no need for guns in God's house"
    So one Sunday while our pastor was on a retreat, we had a pastor that likes to do skits during the sermon come in..... He decided to do a cowboy skit. One of the guys had a toy gun in his holster and my nephew freaked out in front of the whole church and told him he was going to tell God that he had been naughty and brought a gun to church....

    The next week he walked up to our regular pastor and said "Hey, God, last sunday a guy can in with a gun and shot up your house."

    We figured out that my nephew thinks that the church is our pastors house and that the pastor is God...

    The congregation still laughs about the whole thing. My nephew was really frazzled over the whole incident. We still haven't gotten him to believe that the pastor is not God or that the church is not his house. He is very insistent about the way he believes it to be.
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    I'll bet even God had a good laugh about that. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • danavellingdanavelling Member, Premium Posts: 1,224 Member Member, Premium Posts: 1,224 Member
    Trying to get my daughter (5 at the time) to pick up her toys, I set a timer for 10 min and said whatever toys are still out when the buzzer goes off I’m gonna throw away. She replied with, “ Santa’s bringing me new toys so throw them away.” 😮
  • torabelle79torabelle79 Member Posts: 63 Member Member Posts: 63 Member
    My 7 year old said to me

    "Mummy does penalise mean to have your penis taken off you? And can you get vaginalised?"

    He also asked a lady working behind the counter in Boots why she worked there. When the lady said "I sometimes ask myself the same question"; he replied "I know why. It's because you're too old to work anywhere else!!"

    I could write a book on some of his quips. Everyday he comes out with something to either make me cringe or roll with laughter. He has NO filter!!
  • Vikka_VVikka_V Member Posts: 9,457 Member Member Posts: 9,457 Member
    9) DEATH
    While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

    Best!!

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