Well I never thought my hubs would be the anit-motivator

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AlsDonkBoxSquat
AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
in Motivation and Support
I really never thought that he would be so anti-exercise, but that's where we've gotten. He told me that this is enough already and that I'm becoming obsessed. I'm sorry but I don't see how my schedule is obsessive. This week for example the plan was 60 minutes monday, 60 minutes tuesday (which turned into 30), 60 minutes wednesday, 60 minutes thursday (which I tried to turn into 120, and that's where the fight started), nothing on friday, 60 minutes on saturday. So, that's 5 hours in one week. I don't see how that is obsessive, to me that just looks like a normal person's workout schedule. Instead I got the "that's fing horsesh*t and you know it. You practice your step and pump routines too, and that counts." Um, no I don't know it, what I know is that you're not getting to the gym and you're not eating properly and your not communicating with me and you aren't hearing me and you feel like *kitten* and you're taking it out on me. What I know is that I do count my step practice when I use the step to practice but that I don't even break a sweat when I'm just shuffling my feet around, and that I have to know those routines because I get paid to know them. What I know is that doing a pump rountine without any weights isn't a work out. I'm not under weight, I don't look under weight, I'm fit and trim and healthy and eating. What i know is that we've signed up for the mud run in 3 weeks and I haven't done a single duck walk to prepare for it, much less a frog hop, squat thrust, fireman's carry, or a **** load of the other obsticals on the 2 page list I'm staring at right now and and I certainly haven't done them in conjunction with any circut training so are you the one carrying me over that finish line?

Sorry, this was supposed to be a "how do I get him on board and off my *ss" and instead has turned into a ranting vent.
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Replies

  • SunshineAndLove
    SunshineAndLove Posts: 194 Member
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    Oooh you should read my blog today, exactly the same issues!

    (((HUGS)))
  • NyxDominique
    NyxDominique Posts: 271 Member
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    -hugs-

    Sometimes it the ones closest to us that really do cause us to growl the deepest.

    Having similar issues with my family as well.
  • Texas501
    Texas501 Posts: 274
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    Wow. sorry to hear about this. Makes me glad I'm not married. Having to get permission to work out and better yourself seems so foreign to me. Good luck with his control issues.
  • RhondaLeeRoss
    RhondaLeeRoss Posts: 186
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    Sounds to me like he is feeling threatened! Doesn't want his wifey pooh to get too HOT!!!!! Just re-assure him you are doing this for your own health and mental wellness! Let him know that you would love for him to join you but if he chooses not to that is his choice. You don't chew him out for sittin' on the couch 60 minutes a day so he shouldn't be chewing you out for doing something healthy! You keep it up girl and be proud of yourself. Just remember to make time for dates with the hubby!
  • k2d4p
    k2d4p Posts: 441 Member
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    ask him to read your post. I find that honesty is best.
  • MrsSWW
    MrsSWW Posts: 1,590 Member
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    You vent away, hun, better to vent than to keep it bottled up! Can't offer any advice as I get no support at home x
  • JulieBoBoo
    JulieBoBoo Posts: 642
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    Maybe he just wishes he could spend more time with you? Or he's feeling that he's being left to carry the load when you're gone from home for so long? Is there a way you can bring your son (I'm guessing boy from the photo) with you so that he goes to the gym daycare and instead of time away from you you're hubby could start to see it as "ME" time for him too?
  • Chairless
    Chairless Posts: 588 Member
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    Sounds to me like he is feeling threatened! Doesn't want his wifey pooh to get too HOT!!!!! Just re-assure him you are doing this for your own health and mental wellness! Let him know that you would love for him to join you but if he chooses not to that is his choice. You don't chew him out for sittin' on the couch 60 minutes a day so he shouldn't be chewing you out for doing something healthy! You keep it up girl and be proud of yourself. Just remember to make time for dates with the hubby!

    This, most likely he is just feeling left out. Granted thats probably his own fault.
  • Suedre
    Suedre Posts: 435 Member
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    :(

    I'm sorry to hear that. My family is super supportive to the point that sometimes I feel like I'm taking advantage of them running off to do this semi-selfish thing. I can't imagine how I would do it if there weren't. (Well, that's not true, I'd do it and tell them to piss off, which why I'm really lucky they love and support me despite my me me me me opera). I hope you guys can talk about it during a time it's not confrontational and work it out.
  • dawnw30
    dawnw30 Posts: 270
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    I feel you...I really do. For almost 20 years now my husband has called me fat and sloppy....so I have finally lost weight. Now he says I am too skinny and I don't look good. He won't even look at me. I am just mad at this point. But you know what? I am gonna keep doing what I'm doing and he can just kiss my a**! This is about me and my health and being able to enjoy thngs in life I couldn't when I was bigger. I was really happy when I took my kids to an amusememnt park and I wasn't too tired to keep up with them and I FIT on all the rides without sucking my gut in and squishing myself to lock the bars. That meant more to me than his mean words. He is overweight BTW...so I think he's just jealous that I have stuck with this and turned myself around. I say do what makes you happy...don't let it get you down. :flowerforyou:
  • runningfool9
    runningfool9 Posts: 8
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    Hi. I had the same issue with my ex. I received no support. I eventually, with no support from her, lost 70 lbs, and am quite happy, thank you.

    Anyhow, I saw a therapist due to the marriage situation, and she revealed to me two things:
    1. Our spouses are content with the status quo. They married an "image", and when that "image" changes, they are uncomfortable
    2. Our spouses are afraid of us looking better than them.

    Also, in my case, I'll add a third thing:
    3. Through counseling, it was revealed that my ex felt that I'd look too good to the "other women", and that I'd drop her for a younger prettier model. We are divorced now, but for many other reasons.....

    Hope that helps a little.
  • nanegan
    nanegan Posts: 39 Member
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    Wow, I guess I am so lucky to have my hubby. He wants to know what I am doing and where. He goes with me if his plan allows. He rode his mountain bike with me on Wed morn while I "ran". Made for a super slow ride for him.

    Try & get yours to go with you. Good luck & keep it up!
  • Jelleebean
    Jelleebean Posts: 212
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    i feel your pain. when i started this, about a week in, i bought a scale, rather than harrassing the person in this house that owns one.. i had it tucked under my dresser, so it was out of the way, in it's box. hubby sees it, says, 'what's in the box?' so, i tell him... his reply, "what? are you on some sort of mission?" so, i simply say, 'something like that'... and the kicker to end all kickers... he says, 'what do you expect sitting at a desk and eatting all day?"
    i didn't know wether to cry, or kick him in the shins.
    hang in there sweetie, you're doing this for you.. he's just jealous. :)
  • allenlisa
    allenlisa Posts: 96
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    My hubby thinks I go to far too. Because I'm a stay at home mom he thinks that instead of focusing on the kids or house work I spend it doing my workouts or beachbody stuff. My workout schedule is very similiar to yours. Although we haven't flat out fought about it, he drops hints all the time that tick me off because the whole let's get healthy thing was his idea. Now that he has hit the goal he was aiming for (and he never did more then walk) I spend too much time on it. I say keep up your positive attitude, healthy eating AND your exercise! Hopefully he will see that this is what makes you happy and jump on the band wagon. I've never felt better! And the more our attitude is good hopefully the more it will rub off on them! Good luck!
  • maryzcontrary
    maryzcontrary Posts: 70
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    I'm going to go kiss my husband now. He leaves me completely alone and gives me whatever I need to succeed - the only thing he has ever said is that he notices that exercise makes me happier.

    Criticism is usually tied to some fear that the person who is criticizing has. Your dedication is probably hitting a nerve - the one that he knows hasn't properly prepared for his mud run.
  • jiggs31
    jiggs31 Posts: 117
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    Yes - I had a similar thing yesterday where the missus made a flippant comment about her being a size 10 and 'don't be jealous now'.

    My response was 'if I was a size 10 we would be broke as I would have to buy a whole new wardrobe'. That soon shut her up.

    She also whinges if I spend too much time at the gym but how else am I gonna get the weight off?
    I partly blame her for going away for a year in the first place so I comfort ate as I was lonely.
    When I'm bored I joke that historically I either eat, cheat or shop. It was definitely eat on that occasion - I gained over 2.5 stones.

    She is possibly going away again soon but this time my mind is sorted. I will pound the gym instead of comfort eat. No eating, definitely no cheating (that era was over 7 years ago during a previous relationship) and instead of shopping I will be spinning my butt off!!!!
  • Fitandsexy_fe
    Fitandsexy_fe Posts: 50 Member
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    oh girl let me tell you. I'm not married but I sure hear it from family and friends. No one understands or people are jealous. Either he will jump in with you or you will be waving at him from the finsh line. Not to say diss your hubby but really he needs to join you wheather it is working out with you or just being supportive. It will all be fine!!
  • bdur76
    bdur76 Posts: 155 Member
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    I think its pretty obvious that he is feeling threatened by the amount of time you are spending exercising. What is the reason for this? Is it possible that you are spending time exercising that you were previously spending with him? I understand the need for exercise, but maybe you could try to make some time to remind him that he is still a top priority in your life. Insecurity can be tough for anyone, but especially for a guy who feels like he's being pushed away while his wife keeps getting thinner and more attractive. The more you are working out the more he probably wants to be spending 'quality time' with you. Just some food for thought!
  • marquesajen
    marquesajen Posts: 641
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    I just can't even imagine having friends, family, let alone a husband that is so unsupportive! I feel very lucky right now. I don't really have any useful advice, but I think that when one spouse starts to change, even for the better (which benefits both people), that it can be seen as a threat to the attention and time they get. My husband and I are both working out and eating better, along with a network of family and friends. Just keep at it and don't back down. You, missy, are in the right. I just don't understand why people think getting healthy is unhealthy. It makes me genuinely sad and afraid for the future.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Thanks guys, I really appreciate the support and encouragement, and the food for thought. I don't normally vomit out my issues randomly like this, and i really do appreciate the feedback.

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