Introduction so tired of all of it

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100lbsBeGone
100lbsBeGone Posts: 4 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I'm 37 years old.

Tried every thing there is. Lost weight a few times, not even counting the 20's in between. 2 times lost 70 lbs. I had even a lap band surgery done and after 18 months of miserable pain and issues it had to be removed in an emergency surgery. It caused a ton of problems on my health and metabolism. All the 75 lbs I had lost with the Lap Band, came back.
NO. I didn't stuff my face right after they took the Lap Band out. NO
For about 8 months or so I was strict with all my rules I had adapted while I had the LaP Band. I went to the gym like 5-6x a week and worked out like crazy - just to be able to hardly maintain.
I felt good eating the healthy foods- no pasta no carbs, I was 18 months without them so I learned to eat without all that.

One day I pulled my sciatica nerve in the back during exercise. That slowed me a little bit down. Than one morning I woke up with severe swelling in my knees. I couldn't walk or bend them at all. I was stuck to a chair or bed. My legs were huge swollen.

They told me I had beginning of arthritis as well as osteoporosis in my feet.
My joins hurt when I walk, the pain in knees was very persistent. I went from 5x a week of gym to being stuck in my bed or chair.
I became super upset and depressed with my situation. I kept crying and just hating my fate.

I did so much to not become like this.

All my life I have been fighting weight. As a teenager had a few extra lbs and I didn't like my looks never had access to real education back than about diets and healthy way of doing it.
Instead, I listened to friends and teenage magazines. I developed Bulimia and hid it from everyone for 6 years. I was at a point of vomiting about 6-8 x a day. Nobody ever knew. Parents and later husband- I was hiding it from everyone.

Been on weight loss pills, been on weight watchers, been on intermittent fasting, whole 30, Lap Band, low carb, no carb.. and so on,.

My problem is - I used to exercise a lot and I was active - and now I am stuck with my huge body getting bigger by the day.

I'm scared . And angry. Frustrated. Disappointed. Ashamed. Tired. Almost hopeless.

Nothing excites me anymore, every plan or " diet " or book sounds like " yup, been there, done that " ..

How do I get started when I feel this low ? When I lost all the faith ? Hope ?

Anyone with similar experience ? Anyone can relate at least ?

Replies

  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    Sounds like you've had a rough ride so far. Not to get desperate. Now, exercise is not essential for losing weight--a calorie deficit is. Have you plugged your stats into MFP? Have you got your daily calorie goal? Now, get a digital food scale and start weighing and measuring everything you eat and drink. Are you within your daily calorie goal? My joints also hurt everyday when I wake up and they have for a long time. I swim, walk and do gentle yoga. It makes me better and I can function. You should discuss with your doctor if there's something you can do. Yoga is great for back pain, swimming for bad knees, etc. Ask, ask, ask....until you find the answer for yourself. I wish you luck. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again.
  • 100lbsBeGone
    100lbsBeGone Posts: 4 Member
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    Thank you.
    No no didn't start weighing my food yet.
    I just started logging today after a very long time.
    Loke I said I got tired and sick of all the atempts.
    Tired of failure and tired of always being stopped by xyz when I'm finally doing good. .always something happens. Health usually always interrupted my well meant routines.

    I know I sound like a sorry for myself crybaby.

    I will get back to logging and stay here .
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    100lbsBeGone wrote: »
    Thank you.
    No no didn't start weighing my food yet.
    I just started logging today after a very long time.
    Loke I said I got tired and sick of all the atempts.
    Tired of failure and tired of always being stopped by xyz when I'm finally doing good. .always something happens. Health usually always interrupted my well meant routines.

    I know I sound like a sorry for myself crybaby.

    I will get back to logging and stay here .

    Everyone has moments when they're down--we're all human. Good for you to keep trying. Things can suddenly change for the better. Make your own changes slowly and see what happens.
  • ultra_violets
    ultra_violets Posts: 202 Member
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    I can relate to so much of your story. I'm 49 and have about 100 lb. to lose. I've been bulemic. I've tried just about every diet out there since I was 11 years old. I've lost large amounts of weight several times, looked and felt great, but it came back every time, plus some. I'm a food addict and now a type 2 diabetic, and I know the fatigue that sets in. Like you, I'm trying to muster the strength to try one more time. It's not easy, looking back and feeling like I've failed so many times. I'm tired of having to think about everything I eat. I just want to be like everyone else. It's hard, I know. There's a Japanese expression I often think of: fall down seven times, stand up eight. I'm tired of being fat and unhealthy. And I know I'm the only one who can change it. Even the smallest step counts for a lot. We can do it. Please don't give up.
  • horror_mama
    horror_mama Posts: 29 Member
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    After reading your post, I feel like I could have written most of it, it's very similar to what I've been through my 42 years. I have a lot of "bad days" where I'm down on myself and will have binge sessions and it's always "I'll go back tomorrow..."
    You have support here in MFP. I feel that I get more support here in MFP than I do in my real life. You can do it. Baby steps...
  • PigHerder
    PigHerder Posts: 89 Member
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    If you eat the calories MFP gives you after you plug in your stats, you'll lose weight. Without any exercise. Although you might find that as you lose, you feel able to do some low impact exercise, e.g. swimming.

    You can eat whatever you want as long as it meets your calorie budget. No weird shakes or bars or any food you don't actually like. You don't need to exclude *anything* unless you want to. It's 100% about the math. Whatever "plan" someone is on (low carb, paleo, etc), it still ultimately comes down to CICO. And that's totally within your control. So there is no reason to blame your inability to exercise. Your food choices are what will make the difference to your weight.

    I started out a month ago with 60lbs to lose, and after 4 weeks now only have 50lbs to go. There's nothing special about what I'm eating. The only big thing I've changed is to eat more veg and to be more mindful of my carb intake (I could 100% live on huge portions of potatoes, pasta and rice... hence the extra 60lbs!). I'm basically super greedy, and LOVE eating big meals. Eating more veg gives me a lot of bang for my calorie budget, and keeps me full (and regular!). :D

    Track for a couple of weeks to see how you get on (beware of the many dodgy database entries!), and remember to weigh things on a kitchen scale for accurate logging. Good luck! <3
  • eugeniaramage
    eugeniaramage Posts: 3 Member
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    Your story sounds like my story and I swear it was. I have been working really hard all my life to lose weight and now it has finally worked and staying off since I had decided to have the weight loss surgery but chickened out. I got my diet ready for it but when my doctor told me to lose more weight that took me to my goal weight which made me not need the surgery I thought WHAT? I too have been on & off diets, pills, shakes, exercise like crazy, counting, recording, all of the above. I am trying to record again and today I found this site again & hoping this will help me get back on track. I don't exercise any more for my husband has many health issues & I'm unable to leave him alone to go to the gym which I really miss. I call it that we are under house arrest for we only go out for doctor appointments mainly. There are days when I really have to think about what I put in my mouth because I have days I would really love to eat a bag of chocolate covered peanuts by myself or a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. The stress of caring for my husband and being cut off of my friends some days just kill me. I feel all alone and I am an emotional food addict. People laugh at me when I call myself a food addict but that is what I am and trying to get better. I now try to think about what I put in my mouth. I forget there are others around me and now think only about me and say go ahead and eat that for that is toxic for me. I have now picked myself up (now that I have a new doctor) and brushed myself off and said lets try this again. What we need to do honey is just stand up and say today is another day, lets brush ourselves off and try this again, through the tears. I have gone through so many brushes and so many tears but it is all worth it because before I die I want to be under 200 pounds and my goal is under 160. I'm 64 years old so I better get my butt moving don't you think. I just want you to know that hearing your story sure made me feel better because the last two days I've been crying because I was 7lbs from a 100lb loss and in 7 days for some reason I have gained 8lbs. So honey you are not alone when you say you may feel like a cry baby we all do for when life gets us down what else is there to do, until we can get up and fight another day. Just know you are not alone sister. God Bless you and keep fighting.
  • CoffeenSquats
    CoffeenSquats Posts: 982 Member
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    Hugs. I'm sorry that you have had so much difficulty, that's frustrating. Best of luck to you in our journey <3
  • 100lbsBeGone
    100lbsBeGone Posts: 4 Member
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    Thank you all for responding- it makes me feel better already, just reading all your comments.

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