Envious jealous friends... How do you handle?

gardenbird
gardenbird Posts: 29 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have supportive friends but they've told me that they are envious and jealous of me because I've lost 81 pounds to this point. I don't want them to be envious and jealous I want them to be happy for me and support me. Is there something I can say to them that will help them? How would you handle the situation like this?

Replies

  • emmies_123
    emmies_123 Posts: 513 Member
    The few times this has come up in our lives (husband lost a lot of weight, i'm working on it) we just told the person "It took a lot of time and figuring out what worked for us. If you want to do the same don't hesitate to come to us for advice."

    Most of them don't, but it does remind them we have worked for it and not just magically thinner. It also redirects their comments, usually they start making jokes or remarks about food/exercise categories instead of direct comments about us and our loss. The few that have taken us up on it share their progress with us as they work to meet their own personal goals.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Envy and jealously are THEIR feelings. Feelings they CHOOSE to have. You are in no way responsible for them.

    I understand you'd like them to feel differently, but they have to make that choice themselves. Until then, just carry on, do what you want to do and be the friend to them that you always have been (unless they turn too negative and toxic to deal with, which I hope doesn't happen).
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  • orngnerdz
    orngnerdz Posts: 583 Member
    UGH!

    So, I've lost 40ish pounds and gained some muscle mass during the past 5-6 months and I try not to talk about it too much in my day to day life because I know it isn't that exciting to some people. I've been finding that people ask me how I'm doing it and when I explain they think they can just simply do it too. I try to explain that I am putting in hard work on a daily basis and nothing has changed over night and I don't get it. (Sorry, this is just a rant so far.) . Also, I have a person in my life who is telling me how she is going to have great results like me by going to yoga once a week and doing a six week challenge (that only meets twice a week). When people tell me they're jealous as they are munching on chips or sweets, I want to punch them in the face because they aren't really jealous, they want the results without the work. I typically thank them for noticing that I've made changes and offer to help them if they wanted to try to get fit. Usually, they say thanks and that's the end of it.

    But, it's hard. Smile a lot and be proud of all you've achieved!
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    kimny72 wrote: »
    Often "I'm so jealous!" is just a way to dramatize a compliment. Like "You look so great, I'm jealous!". It doesn't mean they sit at home stewing over the fact that you lost weight. My friend knew someone who was moving and got a practically new bedroom set for free except for having to come pick it up. When she showed it to me the next time I was over, I said - Wow, it's beautiful, and it was free! I'm so jealous. It's not a problem or a jab, it's just a figure of speech.

    If this was just a remark, you are probably giving it far more thought than they are. If it's a pattern of behavior, that's a different story.

    Yeah, I was going to say the "I'm jealous" is often just a complimentary figure of speech. I say it all of the time even though I'm not really actually all jealous and stuff.

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