Question regarding "Blended Families"...

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SemperAnticus1643
SemperAnticus1643 Posts: 703 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have 2 scenarios that I need help with:

SCENARIO 1:

I have 2 children by a man that I am no longer in contact with. He doesn't pay me child support although it is court ordered at this time because he is currently serving 6-20 years in prison. He didn't before he was sentenced. He rarely called as well. Maybe 2-3 times a year just to talk to me. His family has met my children and just don't seem to care enough to keep contact with them except their aunt. Their father's father (their grandfather) recently was released from prison himself for first degree murder. He contacted me asking to meet his grand children. I told him I didn't think it was in their best interest to meet him. Mainly for the reason as to why he was in prison. Was I wrong for no allowing him to see his grandchildren?

SCENARIO 2:

I have a brother that is 9 years older than I am. He has 5 children which gives me 4 nieces and a nephew. 3 of my nieces live with him and his wife. So I know them. I am in contact with my 16 year old niece. But I just found out what my nephew's name is yesterday. So I contacted his mother. His mother respectfully responded by telling me that she is discussing the contact between me and my nephew with her husband. She explained to me that my nephew will begin to question why his father's side of the family hasn't contacted him before. In my defense, I am only 26 and had no clue what my nephew's name was other than a first name. I understand his dad (my brother) is an idiot but I asked that she not hold that against me. I explained that if I knew where he was, I would have contacted him sooner. Although by the time I had become a legal adult he was already 6. Would you allow your child contact with his biological family in my situation?

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  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
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    No.
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    Scenario 1:

    Good job on not being an idiot (even though you asked this as a legitimate question) and allowing him to see them despite his grandparent status. I'm sorry, you killed someone. Move on.

    Scenario 2:

    Just like you're protecting your children from their grandfather, she's protecting her children. She's their mother, it's her perogative.
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
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    No, you did what you think is in the best interest of your children and that can only be respected.

    It depends. I would want to meet the family members first and approve of them myself before I even considered allowing my child around them. I would also speak to my child and see if he or she wanted to meet the person. If they have no interest then that seals the deal. If they are curious and rightfully so, then I would do what I said previously. Ask to meet her for lunch or anything so she can get to know you first.
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
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    It's not wrong of you to decide to not let their grand father in their life.

    It would be silly of them to not allow you to be in your nephews life.

    A side of my family has chosen not to care about me or talk to me. It hurts I still want them in my life, I try so hard, and they still don't want anything to do with me. That being said, they need to allow the nephew to have SOMEONE on that side to care for him. It's painful to know an entire side of the family doesn't love you or want you. Not saying that's the case, but for the sake of the child they really should allow him to see you
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
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    no. let someone get court ordered visits & ask for supervision. this is too confusing for young children. Just keep their lives simple, when they are older, let them decide if they want contact or not
  • CelenaOlson
    CelenaOlson Posts: 46
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    #1, If the grandfather is a murderer, then no, he doesn't need to know the grandchildren.

    #2, give it time. The mother may let you. The next time you talk to her, if she says "no", let her know that you'll be open to contact any time if she changes her mind, or if/when the boy is old enough to start seeking more family members.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    Scenario 1:

    Good job on not being an idiot (even though you asked this as a legitimate question) and allowing him to see them despite his grandparent status. I'm sorry, you killed someone. Move on.

    Scenario 2:

    Just like you're protecting your children from their grandfather, she's protecting her children. She's their mother, it's her perogative.

    ^^ THIS

    All instances of extended family visitation should go through the courts if the parents are not amenable.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Scenario 1:

    Good job on not being an idiot (even though you asked this as a legitimate question) and allowing him to see them despite his grandparent status. I'm sorry, you killed someone. Move on.

    Scenario 2:

    Just like you're protecting your children from their grandfather, she's protecting her children. She's their mother, it's her perogative.


    Also agreed.

    Scenario 1 - he relinquished his rights to see his grandkids when he murdered someone. do not be guilted into allowing him to see them.

    Scenario 2 - kids are fragile, their mom has concerns about the doors this will open. don't take it personally, if possible. it is her decision to not want to dredge things into light.
  • staceyGO
    staceyGO Posts: 376
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    No and No.

    I wouldn't let the murderer grandpa meet my kids.
    And I agree, the mother of your brother's kids is protecting her son, respect her decision.
  • SemperAnticus1643
    SemperAnticus1643 Posts: 703 Member
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    No and No.

    I wouldn't let the murderer grandpa meet my kids.
    And I agree, the mother of your brother's kids is protecting her son, respect her decision.

    I agreed to respect her wishes. But that is until he's 18. Its by no fault of mine that I do not know him. I made the attempt THRU HER FIRST. I was never given the opportunity to meet him in the first place. I rarely speak to my brother and when I do its not good. I don't agree with anything he has ever done. I feel like I'm being held accountable for his stupidity.
  • staceyGO
    staceyGO Posts: 376
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    Its a ****ty situation, but ****ty by association happens all the time, your brother is a ****, so people generally make the mistake of assuming its genetic. It totally sucks, but maybe in time she will come around.
  • Shanna_Inc86
    Shanna_Inc86 Posts: 781 Member
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    As far as your first question...good for you. I actually do not have contact with my biological father and I refuse to let him be a part of my daughter's life (Long story involving his abuse of drugs and alcohol & prison time as well).

    As far as your second situation...that's a tough one. I can see both points of view...maybe she would allow it if you didn't say you were his aunt at first and just got to know her and your nephew a little more.

    Best of luck!

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