Helping my 10 year old

HSnyder1984
HSnyder1984 Posts: 21 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
A little backstory, 3 years ago I bought a house with my significant other. My 2 children and I were all at healthy weights and I worked out A LOT! Financial obligations to our household resulted in me giving up my gym membership and my trainer. And I got lazy....and I guess "comfortable". Eating horribly, not working out. I had another child and gained a lot of weight. I'm working on getting that off now with walking every night and using MFP to track my calories. My daughter thankfully continued making healthy choices. My son, on the other hand, has gained the weight with me. My fault, I know. My question is.....how can I make losing the weight easier and more fun for him? I've changed the meals I serve but I recently discovered after going to bed, he is in the kitchen eating again. I don't want to contribute any longer to an unhealthy relationship with food but I need to get him to stop eating so much! At his last checkup his doctor even mentioned his weight gain and told us we need to get it under control before it becomes more of an issue. Anyone else dealing with helping their child lose weight?
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Replies

  • HSnyder1984
    HSnyder1984 Posts: 21 Member
    amy19355 wrote: »
    How about a team-effort : you and your son together could educate yourselves on figuring out the appropriate calories per day for each of you (it will likely not be the same number), and then make it a game to help one another stay on target.
    Children look to adults for how to behave.

    good luck.

    He is rather competitive so this could work. Thank you!
  • cathipa
    cathipa Posts: 2,991 Member
    HSnyder1984 wrote: »
    cathipa wrote: »
    Don't buy foods he is more inclined to snack on. Purchase only healthy choices (fruit, veggies, whole grains). Make him do some activity for an hour a day. Just remember food isn't love. He may get upset when he doesn't have as much to choose from, but his health is most important.

    I have actually taken his PlayStation and he has to earn time on it through physical activity now.

    I also try to keep healthy snacks readily available to him. My main concern is him snacking at night after bedtime. My bedroom is on the opposite side of the house so I rarely hear him get up and only find out later when I go to pack my lunch with the dinner's leftovers and they are no longer there. Or he eats his sisters' snacks (they are teenagers and purchase their own). I don't want to single him out or make it a huge deal because my parent's always did that to me and it made me want to keep my eating a secret....I'm considering having the girls keep their snacks in their bedrooms.

    Considering they are not community property if the girls buy their snacks they should keep them in their room where he doesn't know where they are. I have a friend this happened to as well (daughter would wake at night and she would find the ice cream container in bed with her the next day). Unfortunately now she is obese and prediabetic and only 12 years old. Is there any way you can modify the sleeping situation?
  • debrakgoogins
    debrakgoogins Posts: 2,033 Member
    Take him to the store with you and have him pick out a few healthy things he want's to try then let him help prepare the food. I found with my kids, if they helped make it they were more willing to try it. Aim for foods that are filling and satisfying to keep the snacking at bay. Premake to-go snacks that he can grab when he is hungry. A bag of grapes and a cheese stick or some vegetables and a single serving of ranch...whatever he will eat. I had to eliminate soda, juice, crackers and chips because my son would devour the entire box/bag in one sitting. If it wasn't in the house, he couldn't eat it.
  • jo_nz
    jo_nz Posts: 548 Member
    Can you increase the physical activity side? It can be great for both of you.
    My 11 yr old loves going for bike rides or to the swimming pool with us, or just walking the dog. Lately we have been collecting a neighbour's dog (neighbour is elderly and having a bit of a rough patch with her health so can't walk the dog at the moment) and he just loves running around with the two dogs at the local park.

    I also find he sleeps better when he's done a bit more activity.

    My boy is permanently hungry too.

    With food prep, I get him to pick some meals to make and help with buying the ingredients and making the meals. We used a meal box service for a while to get some different ideas and recipes - he seemed to go along better with those than my own meals/recipes.
  • ritzvin
    ritzvin Posts: 2,860 Member
    cathipa wrote: »
    Don't buy foods he is more inclined to snack on. Purchase only healthy choices (fruit, veggies, whole grains). Make him do some activity for an hour a day. Just remember food isn't love. He may get upset when he doesn't have as much to choose from, but his health is most important.

    ditto the bolded. Avoid having high-calorie-density-quick-grab type foods easily available, including keeping leftovers in freezer rather than fridge (if he tends to eat straight from fridge rather then microwave it first..he may be less likely to snack on them if it takes more work & time to do so).

    Don't ban the junk food completely - you can always stop in and grab something while out on a walk or ride, etc (might also make a pleasant association to that activity for him)(I, for instance, love to get an ice cream cone while out cycling, and don't have the self control to keep an entire tub of it in the freezer).
  • bigbandjohn
    bigbandjohn Posts: 769 Member
    HSnyder1984 wrote: »
    I also try to keep healthy snacks readily available to him. My main concern is him snacking at night after bedtime. My bedroom is on the opposite side of the house so I rarely hear him get up and only find out later when I go to pack my lunch with the dinner's leftovers and they are no longer there. Or he eats his sisters' snacks (they are teenagers and purchase their own). I don't want to single him out or make it a huge deal because my parent's always did that to me and it made me want to keep my eating a secret....I'm considering having the girls keep their snacks in their bedrooms.

    Sounds like you have a challenge. Hate to suggest extreme measures, but perhaps an alarm or lock on doors where things are stored is needed where he shouldn't be going at night. My dad put an alarm on one of the door a few years back when the G-Grandkids visited and were going into places they shoudn't. The only embarrassment for your son would be getting caught if he misbehaves, but it also puts the whole household on even footing if someone else goes in there.

    Yes, have the girls keep their private snacks out of "public domain" areas.

    Back to my original theme - can you find snack he can have that are healthy and would be safe for him to snack on.
  • DaisyHamilton
    DaisyHamilton Posts: 575 Member
    My grandma and parents made me play a sport until junior high. We did those community sign ups for basketball, softball, swim team, etc. But I also snuck snacks and food and gained weight. I grew out of it eventually but it's good you're working toward stopping it early. Some people never grow out of it. I still have a bit of BED and I don't think sneaking food as a kid helped. I second the suggestion to replace food with healthier snacks. But I also know that my little 10 year old heart would have been hurt if someone flat out said that I was too fat and needed to diet. I think sports and healther snacks together, or making a game of it if he wont be offended are great ideas.
  • jo_nz
    jo_nz Posts: 548 Member
    youngmomtaz wrote: »
    Through all of this also please, please be aware of how boys grow. From what I read your older kids are girls?? There is a bit of a difference in how boys grow vs girls from how I have seen my boys vs my friends girls grow. I have three boys. When the first was 10-11years old I silently freaked out! He gained weight fast! From 90lbs to 120lbs. Suddenly his waist size on the jeans was 34 and the leg length was stil 28-30, he was eating the whole house, sleeping more than moving, etc. This did level off. He maintained his slow weight gain for a few years and started to make better food choices as he saw his dad and I doing so(we always have, just portion sizes have been a factor), his doc was unconcerned and said to just keep and eye on him and encourage activity. Not really an issue as we hobby farm and there are “forced” chores. We have a lot of stuff that there are no opt out of days. Hours spent loading, unloading, and potentially reloading 50lb a piece square bales, trailers of 300 at a time and such by hand. Fixing fence moving animals on foot, etc. Again, his weight stayed fairly fixed, as did his height. Then he turned 14. That year he grew 6” in height in 4 months, his shoulders broadened by about the same and his waist slimmed by 4inches. His weight never moved it stayed at 130-140lbs. It all went into biceps and deltoid muscle as far as we could tell. Lol. My second son grew exactly the same. And my third is just coming in to that 11year old growth spurt. I see your concern. Trust me I do. Find an activity your son loves, focus on food to fuel his movement and I would bet it will all come together as he grows into himself.

    a big YES to this from me too - my son is currently among the younger of his school classes and his Scout troop - and the difference between him and his age-mates compared to the older ones who are just a year or two older is HUGE! They really seem to sprout overnight, and several have gone from slightly-on-the-larger-side to actually quite slim.
    If the doctor has expressed concern, yes, I think it's a good idea to make a few small adjustments, but try not to worry too much if it's just a small amount of "excess" weight - they really do often grow into it.
  • Phoebe5164
    Phoebe5164 Posts: 79 Member
    This is a real test for you mom, I’d try to go to a dietitian with him and leave the food choices in their hand . The more you say no to certain foods the more he’ll find them . If a specialist plans snacks and meals for him he might be more inclined to listen .

    I feel for you ,
    Just talk to him ,
    Try to understand why? He’s feeling safe overeating 🌸
  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
    One way I have found that helps kids respond best to new (healthy) foods is getting them involved in preparing them. For some reason when they are helping they are less likely to refuse to try something different. I would make the time in the kitchen something the two of you do together and sort of your special thing. Then maybe a stroll after dinner where you can plan the next day's adventure in the kitchen?
  • youngmomtaz
    youngmomtaz Posts: 1,075 Member
    jo_nz wrote: »
    youngmomtaz wrote: »
    Through all of this also please, please be aware of how boys grow. From what I read your older kids are girls?? There is a bit of a difference in how boys grow vs girls from how I have seen my boys vs my friends girls grow. I have three boys. When the first was 10-11years old I silently freaked out! He gained weight fast! From 90lbs to 120lbs. Suddenly his waist size on the jeans was 34 and the leg length was stil 28-30, he was eating the whole house, sleeping more than moving, etc. This did level off. He maintained his slow weight gain for a few years and started to make better food choices as he saw his dad and I doing so(we always have, just portion sizes have been a factor), his doc was unconcerned and said to just keep and eye on him and encourage activity. Not really an issue as we hobby farm and there are “forced” chores. We have a lot of stuff that there are no opt out of days. Hours spent loading, unloading, and potentially reloading 50lb a piece square bales, trailers of 300 at a time and such by hand. Fixing fence moving animals on foot, etc. Again, his weight stayed fairly fixed, as did his height. Then he turned 14. That year he grew 6” in height in 4 months, his shoulders broadened by about the same and his waist slimmed by 4inches. His weight never moved it stayed at 130-140lbs. It all went into biceps and deltoid muscle as far as we could tell. Lol. My second son grew exactly the same. And my third is just coming in to that 11year old growth spurt. I see your concern. Trust me I do. Find an activity your son loves, focus on food to fuel his movement and I would bet it will all come together as he grows into himself.

    a big YES to this from me too - my son is currently among the younger of his school classes and his Scout troop - and the difference between him and his age-mates compared to the older ones who are just a year or two older is HUGE! They really seem to sprout overnight, and several have gone from slightly-on-the-larger-side to actually quite slim.
    If the doctor has expressed concern, yes, I think it's a good idea to make a few small adjustments, but try not to worry too much if it's just a small amount of "excess" weight - they really do often grow into it.

    And, just for perspective. My oldest is now 18. About 170lbs. Muscles everywhere. 6’1”, living with his two best friends while attending college. I am sure they eat and drink their fair share of junk, but he also comes home and steals from my stash of stored spaghetti squash from the garden to take back to their appartment, texts me for recipes, and they take turns once a week cooking good meals for each other so there is a good balance. My middle one has just turned 15, again with the muscles, about still about 140lbs, some days eats everything in sight, others isn’t hungry until supper. Tonight he shot his second deer(the first he got during bow season). For real, find him an activity he loves. Kids learn to balance life out. Preteen age is hard!! I never thought my son would be hiking through the bush, but his love of archery has got him hiking miles this fall deer hunting. See how the food and the exercise ended up combined? A mother’s dream!

  • ShayCarver89
    ShayCarver89 Posts: 239 Member
    I don't have much advice, but I just wanted to say, growing up my brother was chubby. Short and chubby. When he hit puberty he shot up and there was no sign that it was ever a thing. Same goes for me. I was a chubby little girl until I hit 15 and the fat on my body moved to all the "right" places. He will most likely be ok. He's at an age where its pretty normal to have a little extra on you. I wouldn't be really worried about it until he hits his teenage years, then if he's still overweight you may be looking at a lifelong problem. But he's just a little boy, he'll most likely grow up and it'll all even out.
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    My nephew was an incredibly chubby child and the doctor said to focus more on additional activity than forcing him to eat less. His dad bought him a basic fit bit (a One) and they had whole family challenges for steps. Of course, focusing on healthy, balanced eating as a family helped. Having him help prepare food and getting him interested in cooking - letting him look up recipes and helping with the cooking really helped. Nephew is now 25, 6'8" and in great shape. He's also now a chef.

    I think it's great that you are trying to address the issue early and in a positive way.
  • mlinci
    mlinci Posts: 402 Member
    HSnyder1984 wrote: »
    I've changed the meals I serve but I recently discovered after going to bed, he is in the kitchen eating again. I don't want to contribute any longer to an unhealthy relationship with food but I need to get him to stop eating so much! At his last checkup his doctor even mentioned his weight gain and told us we need to get it under control before it becomes more of an issue. Anyone else dealing with helping their child lose weight?

    Maybe slightly larger servings of the food you prepare for dinner might stop him from snacking? Overeating often comes from undereating, in a sense.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    I am for both of you doing this together. Shopping, preparing and discussing your feelings about food and being a healthy weight. Make it a real bonding process between both of you. A learning experience for you both.
    I snuck food as a child. I knew it was wrong. Shame associated with food developed that continues to this day.
    Praise him for his successes, and help him over the not so successful times. Let him know you are there for him and relate.
    You can both do this!
  • dewit
    dewit Posts: 1,468 Member
    How about it's only healthy snacks for all? And treats from time to time?
    Just because the girls are at a good weight at the moment, it doesn't mean they'll stay at it if they don't eat right. Bad habits are hard to break and eating healthy is what everyone should do, even those among us who are at their ideal weight! ;-)

  • beatyfamily1
    beatyfamily1 Posts: 257 Member
    Don’t change how much he eats. Only change what he eats but I still wouldn’t cut out all junk food. I think it’s healthy to learn that it’s okay to have a sugary snack once in a while just not all the time. I have an autistic son who was getting a little overweight. He is tall for his age but I could tell he was getting a little chubby at the age of 6. It was very hard to change his diet because his diet pretty much consisted of chicken nuggets, milk, pasta, chips, fries, and white bread. He wouldn’t eat anything else. He would eat throughout the day little bits here and there. I did not cut anything out of his diet but I did change white bread to whole wheat bread. At every meal, he must eat what I make him in order to get anything else. I would give him a serving of mixed vegetables, meat, and I’ll usually include another whole food item like mashed sweet potato or sautéed mushrooms. I never cut out the fun foods. Once a week I will include something like fries, homemade fried chicken using whole wheat flour, or spaghetti (Fridays are always spaghetti night). I also gave him more water. If he did not eat what I gave him he did not get anything else. I had to help feed it to him at first because his motor skills were not that refined and when he saw that everyone else was eating the same thing, he was more willing to try different foods. After the initial hump of getting him to try new foods, he unknowingly changed his own eating habits. He was eating less throughout the day and even started asking for things like apples and bananas for snacks and will ask for water instead of milk. I still give him the occasional chips or whatever but only if he eats what I give him. When he’s at school, I’ll give him something like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a fruit, and string cheese for lunch. Just by changing what he ate he lost a pant size.
  • EloiseBean
    EloiseBean Posts: 16 Member
    edited November 2018
    you're the parent. why are you buying unhealthy foods??
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    EloiseBean wrote: »
    you're the parent. why are you buying unhealthy foods??

    Why are you concluding that is what is happening?

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