Helping my 10 year old
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There is a good English documentary on YouTube about addressing childhood weight gain/obesity. The doctors and dieticians emphasise that for kids who are still growing the best approach is not to cut back what they are eating but to keep their intake the same so that as they grow their cal needs will increase and come from body fat rather than eating extra food. That way the child is not “on a diet”. They also suggest increasing activity levels at the same time, if the child is generally not active.
They also try to address the whole family approach to food and activity if that is a problem too but sounds like you are on that.5 -
My nephew was an incredibly chubby child and the doctor said to focus more on additional activity than forcing him to eat less. His dad bought him a basic fit bit (a One) and they had whole family challenges for steps. Of course, focusing on healthy, balanced eating as a family helped. Having him help prepare food and getting him interested in cooking - letting him look up recipes and helping with the cooking really helped. Nephew is now 25, 6'8" and in great shape. He's also now a chef.
I think it's great that you are trying to address the issue early and in a positive way.2 -
HSnyder1984 wrote: »I've changed the meals I serve but I recently discovered after going to bed, he is in the kitchen eating again. I don't want to contribute any longer to an unhealthy relationship with food but I need to get him to stop eating so much! At his last checkup his doctor even mentioned his weight gain and told us we need to get it under control before it becomes more of an issue. Anyone else dealing with helping their child lose weight?
Maybe slightly larger servings of the food you prepare for dinner might stop him from snacking? Overeating often comes from undereating, in a sense.
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If he's sneaking food and stealing food, I would be asking him why he feels the need to do that.
There could be an emotional problem here. We mostly think of young girls and eating disorders but it can happen to young boys too. Using food to cover up your feelings is a very easy route to go down and we already know that boys and young men can have trouble expressing when they're sad or stressed. On top of that, restricting his eating could lead to further disordered behaviour if he feels like hes not in control of what he eats and developing issues around food now could damage his eating habits for life. My advice is just to be careful I guess. And talk to him.8 -
I am for both of you doing this together. Shopping, preparing and discussing your feelings about food and being a healthy weight. Make it a real bonding process between both of you. A learning experience for you both.
I snuck food as a child. I knew it was wrong. Shame associated with food developed that continues to this day.
Praise him for his successes, and help him over the not so successful times. Let him know you are there for him and relate.
You can both do this!3 -
I'm hesitant to post this, and I know you have your son's best interest in mind, but try to look at this from his perspective:
- YOU decided to "eat horribly", and you and your son gained weight.
- YOU decided to get healthy (obviously, a good thing).
- YOU (probably abruptly) changed the meals you're serving to healthier options that he probably doesn't enjoy as much.
- YOU are "making" him eat healthy snacks, but his sisters still have the stuff he wants in the house and are enjoying it (I get that they buy it themselves, but a child is not likely to make that distinction; he is going to feel punished).
- YOU decided to take away his Play Station and make him "earn" it through "enforced" physical activity (again, punishment).
I know you love your son and want what's best for him, but he probably isn't seeing it that way. Unfortunately, I think you've already "singled him out and made it a huge deal" even though that wasn't your intention.
I like @Amy19355's ideas.
Also:- Does your son join you on your walks?
- Is there a sport or activity he would LIKE to learn/try, maybe something you could do together (e.g., indoor rock climbing, trampoline -- although I do worry about safety)?
- Can you go hiking or kayaking or sledding/snowshoeing or something like that as a family on the weekends?
- Can you and he take a "healthy cooking" class together?
- Can you involve him in meal planning and maybe cooking?
- Would it be possible to get him a wii fit (lots of fun)? (I'm not sure if there's anything similar for Play Station.)
I know this is difficult for you and that you do want what is best for your son. I wish you and your family good luck, and I hope you'll keep us updated.
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How about it's only healthy snacks for all? And treats from time to time?
Just because the girls are at a good weight at the moment, it doesn't mean they'll stay at it if they don't eat right. Bad habits are hard to break and eating healthy is what everyone should do, even those among us who are at their ideal weight! ;-)
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Don’t change how much he eats. Only change what he eats but I still wouldn’t cut out all junk food. I think it’s healthy to learn that it’s okay to have a sugary snack once in a while just not all the time. I have an autistic son who was getting a little overweight. He is tall for his age but I could tell he was getting a little chubby at the age of 6. It was very hard to change his diet because his diet pretty much consisted of chicken nuggets, milk, pasta, chips, fries, and white bread. He wouldn’t eat anything else. He would eat throughout the day little bits here and there. I did not cut anything out of his diet but I did change white bread to whole wheat bread. At every meal, he must eat what I make him in order to get anything else. I would give him a serving of mixed vegetables, meat, and I’ll usually include another whole food item like mashed sweet potato or sautéed mushrooms. I never cut out the fun foods. Once a week I will include something like fries, homemade fried chicken using whole wheat flour, or spaghetti (Fridays are always spaghetti night). I also gave him more water. If he did not eat what I gave him he did not get anything else. I had to help feed it to him at first because his motor skills were not that refined and when he saw that everyone else was eating the same thing, he was more willing to try different foods. After the initial hump of getting him to try new foods, he unknowingly changed his own eating habits. He was eating less throughout the day and even started asking for things like apples and bananas for snacks and will ask for water instead of milk. I still give him the occasional chips or whatever but only if he eats what I give him. When he’s at school, I’ll give him something like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a fruit, and string cheese for lunch. Just by changing what he ate he lost a pant size.2
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you're the parent. why are you buying unhealthy foods??2
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EloiseBean wrote: »you're the parent. why are you buying unhealthy foods??
Why are you concluding that is what is happening?3 -
As an overweight child, my parents withheld food, which made things much worse. I’d literally slap butter and sugar on bread or sneak quarters to buy candy. I dearly wish my mom had spent time teaching me about nutrition (honestly, she doesn’t know a thing about it) and that I’d learned to prepare and enjoy cooking healthy foods. That would have served me well. Please spend time with him in the kitchen and let him put the pieces together himself.8
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1) Don’t buy junk for after school snacks. Prepare healthy snacks that have enough protein to fill him up. I remember coming home starving from school and the snacks were boxes of Little Debbie Snack Cakes and chips. If mom prepared something healthy that would have helped a lot.
2) make sure dinner is enough for a growing boy. His calorie needs will be more than yours. You may be under feeding him dinner so he is still hungry. Also eat dinner at a reasonable hour. We were forced to wait for my dad to come home before we could eat dinner, so this could be at late as 9 pm. So we would snack all evening and then eat dinner ... so many calories.
3) encourage movement, outdoor activities, biking, organized sports
4) prepare an after dinner treat or dessert. Something around 200 calories.
5) everyone should eat healthy snacks, the daughters included. Allowing them to have junk food in their rooms seems so mean. I would feel very upset if this happened to me as a kid. I would feel like a fat loser if this happened to me.5 -
youngmomtaz wrote: »Through all of this also please, please be aware of how boys grow. From what I read your older kids are girls?? There is a bit of a difference in how boys grow vs girls from how I have seen my boys vs my friends girls grow. I have three boys. When the first was 10-11years old I silently freaked out! He gained weight fast! From 90lbs to 120lbs. Suddenly his waist size on the jeans was 34 and the leg length was stil 28-30, he was eating the whole house, sleeping more than moving, etc. This did level off. He maintained his slow weight gain for a few years and started to make better food choices as he saw his dad and I doing so(we always have, just portion sizes have been a factor), his doc was unconcerned and said to just keep and eye on him and encourage activity. Not really an issue as we hobby farm and there are “forced” chores. We have a lot of stuff that there are no opt out of days. Hours spent loading, unloading, and potentially reloading 50lb a piece square bales, trailers of 300 at a time and such by hand. Fixing fence moving animals on foot, etc. Again, his weight stayed fairly fixed, as did his height. Then he turned 14. That year he grew 6” in height in 4 months, his shoulders broadened by about the same and his waist slimmed by 4inches. His weight never moved it stayed at 130-140lbs. It all went into biceps and deltoid muscle as far as we could tell. Lol. My second son grew exactly the same. And my third is just coming in to that 11year old growth spurt. I see your concern. Trust me I do. Find an activity your son loves, focus on food to fuel his movement and I would bet it will all come together as he grows into himself.
My friend's son was like this. At 10-11 he really was pretty short and quite overweight and always eating
His mum was short and about 400lb but refused to listen to the school when they suggested he was obese and needed to join a weekend programme they have for obese teens
He's now 15, 6ft 4 and has no spare weight on him at all
He's on the schools basketball team these days
My son's alot younger but he packs on weight for a couple months right before a growth spurt
My main issue would be taking his sisters snacks since they are bought from Thier own money.
I would be going over the "taking others property is theft" and ask him WHY he takes others property
If it's a case of him feeling he doesn't have enough food then sit down and write a list between you of reasonable snacks to buy in for him
I also take walks with my daughter, one route we like is 5 miles. At mile 3 there is a little cafe. I like a cup of tea, she likes hot chocolate and cake (or a milkshake in summer)
Gets us fresh air, some exercise (were both limited by disability) and she gets to eat a treat that has been off set by her exercise3 -
I always noticed that my son would get a little heavier for a while but then would have a growth spurt while young. Even as a toddler. Guess that’s just the way he was. So that he doesn’t feel he’s the center of a problem, how about doing more as a whole family, like a special hike with challenges? A family scavenger hunt at a park? A family outdoor sport? Or bowling? Include non-food rewards. How about a mini family Olympics with extended family/friends. We do it every summer and my brother, sister and myself range from 57-60. With all the kids and extended family, we all enjoy planning the events and practicing ahead of time. We end in a pie eating contest which always ends in a pie throwing contest so not much is eaten but the photos and memories are priceless. Relay races with stations to stop at with old weird clothing, hats etc to be included; egg in the spoon race; a ball game or crochet game could be included. You decide as a family. Getting excited about an activity can be a real encouragement for everyone.2
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I would stop making him earn video game time with physical activity. That makes physical activity a punishment. Instead try to find things he would enjoy. Get the whole family more active not just him.
I'd involve him anstead of just telling him he is going to eat healthier and exercise. I'd talk to him about what the doctor said, what things you used to do, what things you could do and come up with ideas with your son. If he is not overweight or not very overweight changes might not need to be big at all. I would make smaller changes over time.
You might approach it like a science project and study nutrition and calories together and how the body works. There are books and web sites about health and nutrition for kids.
Figure out his calorie needs with him and plan meals and snacks with foods he likes in portion sizes that fit better. Bag up snacks in individual portions. Talk to his doctor about how many calories are good or go to a registered dietician if you need more help.
He might find having a pedometer/fitness tracker fun. He might like trying a sport. He might like playing active video games like Just Dance. He might like using an app. https://wezift.com/parent-portal/blog/the-top-10-fitness-apps-to-get-kids-moving/
He might like going for walks or hikes or biking. He might want to do what older kids or adults are doing like if you walk/run a 5 k together. He might like getting paid to mow lawns, shovel or do chores.
It is possible that your son is using food to cope with stress/anxiety, lonliness, feeling insecure, etc. In 3 years it sounds like you moved and added another child to the family which are big changes to a 7-10 year old. You might want to look at the emotional side of his behavior more than policing food or activity. Maybe a therapist could be helpful for him to develop better tools.
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Instead of watching him and limiting his choices, why not give into him a bit? My mom didn't cook for us so breakfast was whatever we could grab, lunch was from the cafeteria, snacks were at home and dinner was eaten in a restaurant every night. Because of this, I never ate breakfast. And then I hated the school food so I never ate at school. By the time I got home, I was so hungry. So I snacked continuously until someone came home to take us to dinner and then ate a full sized dinner. And then would probably eat something else at night. My weight jumped quite a bit because I was growing and I was eating a lot, more than I needed. .
If my mom had packed me with foods I actually wanted to eat, then I wouldn't be so hungry later in the day. I got into a really bad snacking/grazing habit as a kid and that set me up to fail. Don't withhold food from him but work with him so he knows how much he can eat in a day. Send him to school with a variety lunch box - something full of nutrients, some sort of a vegetable, some sort of a fruit, and some sort of a treat (small chocolate bar, cookie, gummy etc). And let him choose it so he's excited to eat what is in his lunch box. Then hopefully he won't get home and be super hungry that he starts looking for more snacks.
And, if you let the girls have private snack stashes, let him have him own private stash. It doesn't have to be food, it could be like small toys or plastic dinosaurs or something like that. Let him add to it, something small every week or 2.1 -
Thank you all for your suggestions! We went grocery shopping together and he got to pick foods that he would like to take to lunch as well as things we can cook together at home. He does enjoy cooking, more so with his dad than me so dad will be taking over the dinner preparations. I will start making his lunch. He does play baseball, both fall ball and spring. He is excited to try adding soccer.3
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I have a kiddo who we are working on the same issue. We go periodically to a wellness counselor, and here are some things we are working on:
1) Mindfulness: Working on meditation, taking time to eat slowly and enjoy it, doing exercises that help put us in a good mindset...not stuff we hate.
2) Hydration: It helps, although usually indirectly. Restrict juices, promote water, and enjoy lots and lots of TEA.
3) Be active. Not everyone is into team sports - do stuff you love to do and it doesn't have to directly be a "workout". Just get out and about.1 -
Gauging from my gated communities children's activities ... I would suggest you LEAVE his consumption volume alone, only sign him up for Winter Tennis, Soccer and Basketball and track . Those coaches are amazing with the attention they give to each child, per their abilities. Clinics here run for 2 hours every afternoon from 4pm to 6.30pm. 30 mins pep talking.
All his expanded energy from his daily sports commitments should assist him with those calories being directed to where his growing body needs VS eating badly compounded by sedentary activities at home.
Children here don't get dropped or picked by their parents ... They walk to the courts, ballpark ... It works, if you merely adjust activities to suit a child. If it's just you plus him, it's not going to be as fun, I am guessing. Better still, if you find out which activities friends from school are doing, and sign him up there too.2 -
This is probably a little old fashioned and frowned upon these days but...
He's 10. He's a child. He doesn't and isn't equipped to make good meaningful decisions so as the adult it's your job to make them for him. So if he wants more food or to binge on junk, tell him no. Not to shame him or because he's overweight but because it's dangerous for his health and he's 10 so his health is your responsibility.
I can't think of any 10 year old who wouldn't eat chocolate for breakfast and cake for dinner if not given any boundaries. Kids suck at self management and self control because they're kids and their brains haven't developed fully yet.
Treat his overeating in the same way you would other things that you found out he was doing that would be damaging. How would you handle it if you found out he was smoking? or drinking?
Again, probably a bit 'old school' for today's society but still...3
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