"You look fine"

mamax5
mamax5 Posts: 414 Member
edited October 1 in Motivation and Support
I keep hearing this! One person said "You don't need to diet, you look fine"....another person said that I looked good. Sigh, I do not look "fine" I am 252 lbs how can I look fine????? I mean, I am obese, my bmi is 42, I am NOT healthy....well, I am for now and who knows how long it will last....Oh, I'm 5'5, btw, too short to weigh that much. I have heard the "you look fine" comment so much. I don't feel fine, I feel sloppy and gross!......I guess if others think I look fine now, I guess I'll be super hot when I get to my goal! Does anyone else deal with this?

Replies

  • kina42
    kina42 Posts: 1
    YES!!! It is very frusrating. As equally frustrating when you decline something to eat and they are like "why?".
  • thebunnies
    thebunnies Posts: 168
    got it when i started this journey.. "you don't need to lose weight, you look fine."

    i still get it now.."don't lose any more weight!" "you're going to look sick"


    it never stops. people who aren't healthy themselves don't understand what we are doing, why we are doing it. i'm not losing weight for anyone but myself. i'm losing weight to be healthy for the rest of my life. period.

    pay them no mind!
  • Fochizzy
    Fochizzy Posts: 505 Member
    YES! I say I am losing weight and people go really? I say yes I am (was) 210lbs, which is obese. They reply, oh that doesn't matter so much you are tall. Yes I am tall but I am still supposed to be around 165lbs NOT 210. It sucks, I agree. I just tell people I am trying to fit in my grandmother's wedding dress now, which is true but I need to lose weight regardless. That everyone appreciates me wanting to be healthy not so much. *end rant*
  • FaeryBaby
    FaeryBaby Posts: 104 Member
    I always get told that I look cute the way I am, and that I wouldn't suit being skinny. I agree, stick thin wouldn't look good on me, but I sure as heck want to be skinnier than I am!
  • CarolynB38
    CarolynB38 Posts: 553 Member
    It's frustrating, isn't it. They are probably just trying to make you feel better and don't mean anything by it, but I agree it is frustrating. You are doing a great thing by having the commitment to lose weight and get fit and healthy. Do this for you, not for anyone else. When they say these things for you just smile and say "Thank you, you are being kind. I know I need to lose weight and am going to do so but I appreciate your kindness" That way you are telling them that you are going to lose weight because you want to but that you appreciate them being kind. It may be that they love you exactly the way you are, but if that is the case then they will still love you just as much when you have lost weight. Don't let them stop you doing what is right for you but don't lose friends over it either :-)
  • suekitchen
    suekitchen Posts: 8 Member
    I think it's usually one of two things - your friends don't want you to feel bad, so won't say anything negative about you. And then there'll be people who have this pang of... jealousy almost. You want to change yourself, but they don't have the motivation to try the same. They feel better about themselves if you're not trying either.

    Best thing is to just put it out of mind and focus on what you want to achieve, because that's the only way you'll be happy with yourself in the long run! One thing you could always try if they continue to be annoying is, instead of saying you want to lose weight or similar, say you want to get fitter/healthier etc. There's nothing they can say to that because they can't see fit or healthy as such, it's a state of being! :)
  • patriot201
    patriot201 Posts: 117 Member
    People need to just refrain from commenting on others' weight. Period.

    When I had lost so much weight that I was being threatened with hospitalization, many people said, "You look great!" or "But you don't look sick!" That was the WRONG thing to say. That fueled my desire to lose even more weight.
  • brenda_allport
    brenda_allport Posts: 61
    My husband is the worst. He always tells me that he will love me no matter how I look. He seems to forget that I was 30 pounds lighter when we met and that I was very comfortable at that weight. Keep you chin up and dont pay them any attention. You know what will make you comfortable in your own skin and that is the most important thing.
  • lmarshel
    lmarshel Posts: 674 Member
    I don't think people honestly feel that way, though. I think usually when they say things like that, they're trying to be nice. It would be rather rude to say something like "Good, you really needed to drop some weight." Wouldn't it??

    People are awkward and just don't know how to respond.
  • thedodgeruk
    thedodgeruk Posts: 132 Member
    think every one who trys to loose a some weight gets that line , i hate it.

    try to ignore them , and focus on why YOU want to do it
  • CapitalE
    CapitalE Posts: 30
    I was actually just thinking about this

    My boyfriend's coming around to the idea of me loosing some weight but i think for a while he was worried I'd get too skinny. When he would say I looked good, he meant it - and I loved that - but for me, I'm into the idea of clothes fitting better and generally looking banging - so it was hard for a long time to get motivation up to make change.

    I mean - it's still amazing to have people support changes you're making even if they don't think its needed - better than motivation coming from people coming down on you.
  • veganjeanie
    veganjeanie Posts: 158 Member
    I think people don't like their friends to change. I think they fear that it puts them on a road that may take them away. Or make them feel bad about themselves since you are busy improving yourself. And perhaps suekitchen is right, they don't want to feel like say anything negative.
  • VeganGal84
    VeganGal84 Posts: 938 Member
    Yes, I got it then and I got it at every step along the way. People are getting used to the new me now, but if I was wearing a T-shirt that said I still have 9 pounds to lose :laugh: , I'm sure that I would hear that again.
  • Julieta17
    Julieta17 Posts: 37
    i've been getting that at work too...especially from my boss. i think he's trying to be nice but i don't want to hear that i'm "getting too skinny" i mean c'mon, when according to my BMI and my healthy weight range i should still be at least 20lbs lighter. i think maybe people could say something like "keep up the good work" or "i can tell you're losing weight". when i hear that i'm losing too much or that i don't need to lose weight it makes me feel bad because i know i'm overweight and i feel sad that people are just used to seeing me fat
  • Forensic
    Forensic Posts: 468 Member
    I think some of it might be that they want you to feel good about yourself no matter what.

    No one wants to say ' oh yes, you're fat, lose some weight,' after all.
  • mamax5
    mamax5 Posts: 414 Member
    What really would drive me insane was what my mother would say and still says...."Oh, you'll never be skinny, your too big boned" UM...I wore a junior size 15....a missy size 14 and was still about 30 lbs overweight. I know a girl who is about 130-140 and looks amazing....she's the same height as myself and I see no reason why I can't be 140-145. I'm a medium build so I see no reason why I can't be the weight I want to be. Oh, my friend worked hard to get where she's at...she's healthy skinny to me and I want to be at 140 SOOO BAD!
  • suekitchen
    suekitchen Posts: 8 Member
    I'm sort of starting to wonder why none of my friends or loved ones have said anything like this to me!! Maybe because I haven't outright said to them "I want to lose weight"... they just know I'm eating better and I'm working out. My best friend responded by saying she wanted to get back into fitness too after finishing her qualification, and my boyfriend said he wants me to start running with him. I guess I'm lucky to have likeminded people around me.

    Only thing is my mum inevitably ends up worrying I might be going too overboard, but hey that's mothers for you.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Do you think people are really going to just come out and say, "Yeah, you really are a cow. Good idea to go on a diet"?

    People have a natural instinct (usually) to be polite. Most people are going to try to make you feel good about yourself, even if it isn't necessarily accurate.
  • mamax5
    mamax5 Posts: 414 Member
    Do you think people are really going to just come out and say, "Yeah, you really are a cow. Good idea to go on a diet"?

    People have a natural instinct (usually) to be polite. Most people are going to try to make you feel good about yourself, even if it isn't necessarily accurate.

    No, I don't think that at all....I just think y friend could have said something different. He asked how I was doing and I said ok, just having trouble loosing weight and that's when he said you don't need to diet you look fine.....when all he could have said was to keep at it or you can do it. Simple as that. It just feels like between my family and some friends of mine that they feel I can't loose the weight. I rarely get encouragement from friends....just a select few. A big reason why I came here so I can get the support I need and not just hear what sounds nice....ya know?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Well, if you'd have specified you were talking about a guy, I would have had a different answer.

    You probably DO look fine to him. My boyfriend didn't notice at all when I gained 20 pounds within our first year together. And he complained when I said I was going to lose weight and told me I was too skinny (and, no, he wasn't trying to make me feel better) when I was still 10 pounds above a healthy BMI and 15 pounds heavier than when we met.

    He also informed me a couple months ago that I was heavier when we met than I am now. I definitely was not.
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