What now?

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RealWorldStrengthLLC
RealWorldStrengthLLC Posts: 552 Member
edited November 2018 in Motivation and Support
I was talking to a friend today about lifting, self improvement etc and something hit me:

I don't have much of a life anymore. I used to be super fit, in the military, but also an alcoholic...when I was bored, I would just go out to a bar, start drinking, and ride whatever rollercoaster I hopped on that night. Life felt a bit out of control, but it was also a non-stop party.

Anyways, I've cleaned up a lot in the last couple years. I rarely drink now, maybe once a week - and its a couple drinks when I do. I'm never over the limit to even legally drive anymore. I'm not complaining - I'm happy about this - it's just recently hitting me how much I relied on that for fun.

I go to school, I lift, and that's about it on weekdays. On weekends I do have hobbies - snowboard/dirtbike/fish/other outdoors stuff - but there isn't time for that on weekdays. Mostly I go visit friends/family, clean, and browse the internet (usually looking at fitness related stuff). I don't really care for tv/movies except once in a while anymore.

Basically, it turns out I have no idea how to be a sober, non-dysfunctional adult. I'm coming here for advice on this because I absolutely love my sobriety, my stability, caring about my fitness and health, finances, school etc - but i really don't know where to go from here. I spent most of my 20s as a high functioning yet still life of the party drunk.

Any advice? Perhaps from anyone else who stepped away from that life?

Replies

  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,344 Member
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    What part of your current life do you feel is dysfunctional? I’m having a hard time seeing anything very out of the ordinary there.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    What are you asking? I've never been in those shoes (partying, etc) so it may be that but you seem to be describing normal life. Are you asking how to meet people or what people usually do in their off hours or ???
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,482 Member
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    They have fitness classes or games at your gym? If your gym is just for training, do they have park district activities where you live?

    Just keep looking to try new things. Some folks have a bit of an issue being the new guy or beginner. Just keep looking and putting yourself out there. It takes a bit more effort to have friends outside of the bar. When I was drinking, the get together was built into the package. Now I have to call people up to make arrangements to meet and do things.

    Real fun is a bit harder to come by than bar fun. Mostly because we can talk ourselves into thinking a lot of dumb stuff is funny when we’re drunk.

    But you’re right, fun is an issue. It’s important to have fun and I think it’s underrated. When I was a kid, fun was about all I wanted to think about. Then I started working, got older, busy, and fun just sort of slipped my mind. Funny how that happened.
  • RealWorldStrengthLLC
    RealWorldStrengthLLC Posts: 552 Member
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    AnvilHead wrote: »
    What part of your current life do you feel is dysfunctional? I’m having a hard time seeing anything very out of the ordinary there.

    I don't feel anything is dysfunctional, I just feel a bit bored. Maybe I got used to the chaos, idk
  • erjones11
    erjones11 Posts: 422 Member
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    youcantflexcardio wrote: »
    AnvilHead wrote: »
    What part of your current life do you feel is dysfunctional? I’m having a hard time seeing anything very out of the ordinary there.

    I don't feel anything is dysfunctional, I just feel a bit bored. Maybe I got used to the chaos, idk

    Perhaps you used to get drunk or high to deal with bordum. Chaos would not be boring.

    You need to find other things to get a high from. You said roller coaster referring to life, what you could seek instead is adriniline and pushing the limits of your body. Have you ever thought of competing in one of your hobbies such as Moto Cross racing or competitive running, biking or swimming? Ironman?

    Just a thought.
  • Faebert
    Faebert Posts: 1,588 Member
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    Maybe it’s just about changing your mindset. You say you have no idea how to be a sober non-dysfunctional adult but you actually are precisely that now. You have hobbies and activities and do socialising at the weekends - that’s what most people do.

    So instead of telling yourself you “don’t have a life anymore”, look at the life you have and realise you’re in a better place.

    I know I’m guilty at times of the modern, first world malaise of things never being enough, and the constant questioning about what next, so I can sympathise. Trying to work on being present in the now, rather than dwelling on the past or constantly striving towards some future perfection. So I’m not sure it’s helpful to be chasing new highs all the time.

    Maybe if you look at how balanced and healthy you feel right now you might see it less as boring and more as satisfying?
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,344 Member
    edited November 2018
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    youcantflexcardio wrote: »
    AnvilHead wrote: »
    What part of your current life do you feel is dysfunctional? I’m having a hard time seeing anything very out of the ordinary there.

    I don't feel anything is dysfunctional, I just feel a bit bored. Maybe I got used to the chaos, idk
    I was just responding to the part of your post where you said "Basically, it turns out I have no idea how to be a sober, non-dysfunctional adult".

    Really, it's all up to you what direction you want to take it. Everybody is different in that regard - some enjoy a nice, quiet life while others always want to be in the middle of the action, and there's nothing wrong or dysfunctional about either of those (or anything in between). I mean, to me it sounds like you have a good mix going - making the best of what time you have during the work week, then getting outdoors and having fun on the weekends. It sounds like a lot of people's lives.

    erjones may be onto something with his post - if it's that you feel like you're lacking direction or excitement, maybe channel your workouts or activities and set some goals to work toward - train for a powerlifting competition, start racing motocross instead of just dirt riding, take up martial arts and work toward earning your black belt (or get into a competitive martial art such as MMA, judo, etc.). Perhaps having a goal to shoot at will give you some focus, alleviate the boredom and also provide some camaraderie/social interaction with your fellow competitors. Personally, I always feel best and most focused when I have some sort of goal I'm working toward, regardless of what it is.
  • RealWorldStrengthLLC
    RealWorldStrengthLLC Posts: 552 Member
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    Anvilhead and faebert - you both really put things in perspective. I am appreciative of the life I have now, for sure, it's just that sometimes I'm bored - I'm looking for other, healthy ways to fill that boredom. Like I said, I'm pretty new at this whole being functional thing. Maybe my life is actually normal for the first time and it just feels weird.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    youcantflexcardio wrote: »
    Anvilhead and faebert - you both really put things in perspective. I am appreciative of the life I have now, for sure, it's just that sometimes I'm bored - I'm looking for other, healthy ways to fill that boredom. Like I said, I'm pretty new at this whole being functional thing. Maybe my life is actually normal for the first time and it just feels weird.

    if you're bored, take up another hobby.

    read, learn a language, learn to paint/cook/knit... whatever

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