Helping my 10 year old

nowine4me · November 2018

As an overweight child, my parents withheld food, which made things much worse. I’d literally slap butter and sugar on bread or sneak quarters to buy candy. I dearly wish my mom had spent time teaching me about nutrition (honestly, she doesn’t know a thing about it) and that I’d learned to prepare and enjoy cooking healthy foods. That would have served me well. Please spend time with him in the kitchen and let him put the pieces together himself.

ITUSGirl51 · November 2018

1) Don’t buy junk for after school snacks. Prepare healthy snacks that have enough protein to fill him up. I remember coming home starving from school and the snacks were boxes of Little Debbie Snack Cakes and chips. If mom prepared something healthy that would have helped a lot.
2) make sure dinner is enough for a growing boy. His calorie needs will be more than yours. You may be under feeding him dinner so he is still hungry. Also eat dinner at a reasonable hour. We were forced to wait for my dad to come home before we could eat dinner, so this could be at late as 9 pm. So we would snack all evening and then eat dinner ... so many calories.
3) encourage movement, outdoor activities, biking, organized sports
4) prepare an after dinner treat or dessert. Something around 200 calories.
5) everyone should eat healthy snacks, the daughters included. Allowing them to have junk food in their rooms seems so mean. I would feel very upset if this happened to me as a kid. I would feel like a fat loser if this happened to me.

ruqayyahsmum · November 2018

youngmomtaz wrote: »

Through all of this also please, please be aware of how boys grow. From what I read your older kids are girls?? There is a bit of a difference in how boys grow vs girls from how I have seen my boys vs my friends girls grow. I have three boys. When the first was 10-11years old I silently freaked out! He gained weight fast! From 90lbs to 120lbs. Suddenly his waist size on the jeans was 34 and the leg length was stil 28-30, he was eating the whole house, sleeping more than moving, etc. This did level off. He maintained his slow weight gain for a few years and started to make better food choices as he saw his dad and I doing so(we always have, just portion sizes have been a factor), his doc was unconcerned and said to just keep and eye on him and encourage activity. Not really an issue as we hobby farm and there are “forced” chores. We have a lot of stuff that there are no opt out of days. Hours spent loading, unloading, and potentially reloading 50lb a piece square bales, trailers of 300 at a time and such by hand. Fixing fence moving animals on foot, etc. Again, his weight stayed fairly fixed, as did his height. Then he turned 14. That year he grew 6” in height in 4 months, his shoulders broadened by about the same and his waist slimmed by 4inches. His weight never moved it stayed at 130-140lbs. It all went into biceps and deltoid muscle as far as we could tell. Lol. My second son grew exactly the same. And my third is just coming in to that 11year old growth spurt. I see your concern. Trust me I do. Find an activity your son loves, focus on food to fuel his movement and I would bet it will all come together as he grows into himself.

My friend's son was like this. At 10-11 he really was pretty short and quite overweight and always eating
His mum was short and about 400lb but refused to listen to the school when they suggested he was obese and needed to join a weekend programme they have for obese teens

He's now 15, 6ft 4 and has no spare weight on him at all

He's on the schools basketball team these days

My son's alot younger but he packs on weight for a couple months right before a growth spurt

My main issue would be taking his sisters snacks since they are bought from Thier own money.
I would be going over the "taking others property is theft" and ask him WHY he takes others property
If it's a case of him feeling he doesn't have enough food then sit down and write a list between you of reasonable snacks to buy in for him

I also take walks with my daughter, one route we like is 5 miles. At mile 3 there is a little cafe. I like a cup of tea, she likes hot chocolate and cake (or a milkshake in summer)
Gets us fresh air, some exercise (were both limited by disability) and she gets to eat a treat that has been off set by her exercise

jean133mjg · November 2018

I always noticed that my son would get a little heavier for a while but then would have a growth spurt while young. Even as a toddler. Guess that’s just the way he was. So that he doesn’t feel he’s the center of a problem, how about doing more as a whole family, like a special hike with challenges? A family scavenger hunt at a park? A family outdoor sport? Or bowling? Include non-food rewards. How about a mini family Olympics with extended family/friends. We do it every summer and my brother, sister and myself range from 57-60. With all the kids and extended family, we all enjoy planning the events and practicing ahead of time. We end in a pie eating contest which always ends in a pie throwing contest so not much is eaten but the photos and memories are priceless. Relay races with stations to stop at with old weird clothing, hats etc to be included; egg in the spoon race; a ball game or crochet game could be included. You decide as a family. Getting excited about an activity can be a real encouragement for everyone.

Lounmoun · November 2018

I would stop making him earn video game time with physical activity. That makes physical activity a punishment. Instead try to find things he would enjoy. Get the whole family more active not just him.
I'd involve him anstead of just telling him he is going to eat healthier and exercise. I'd talk to him about what the doctor said, what things you used to do, what things you could do and come up with ideas with your son. If he is not overweight or not very overweight changes might not need to be big at all. I would make smaller changes over time.
You might approach it like a science project and study nutrition and calories together and how the body works. There are books and web sites about health and nutrition for kids.
Figure out his calorie needs with him and plan meals and snacks with foods he likes in portion sizes that fit better. Bag up snacks in individual portions. Talk to his doctor about how many calories are good or go to a registered dietician if you need more help.
He might find having a pedometer/fitness tracker fun. He might like trying a sport. He might like playing active video games like Just Dance. He might like using an app. https://wezift.com/parent-portal/blog/the-top-10-fitness-apps-to-get-kids-moving/
He might like going for walks or hikes or biking. He might want to do what older kids or adults are doing like if you walk/run a 5 k together. He might like getting paid to mow lawns, shovel or do chores.

It is possible that your son is using food to cope with stress/anxiety, lonliness, feeling insecure, etc. In 3 years it sounds like you moved and added another child to the family which are big changes to a 7-10 year old. You might want to look at the emotional side of his behavior more than policing food or activity. Maybe a therapist could be helpful for him to develop better tools.

Cbean08 · November 2018

Instead of watching him and limiting his choices, why not give into him a bit? My mom didn't cook for us so breakfast was whatever we could grab, lunch was from the cafeteria, snacks were at home and dinner was eaten in a restaurant every night. Because of this, I never ate breakfast. And then I hated the school food so I never ate at school. By the time I got home, I was so hungry. So I snacked continuously until someone came home to take us to dinner and then ate a full sized dinner. And then would probably eat something else at night. My weight jumped quite a bit because I was growing and I was eating a lot, more than I needed. .

If my mom had packed me with foods I actually wanted to eat, then I wouldn't be so hungry later in the day. I got into a really bad snacking/grazing habit as a kid and that set me up to fail. Don't withhold food from him but work with him so he knows how much he can eat in a day. Send him to school with a variety lunch box - something full of nutrients, some sort of a vegetable, some sort of a fruit, and some sort of a treat (small chocolate bar, cookie, gummy etc). And let him choose it so he's excited to eat what is in his lunch box. Then hopefully he won't get home and be super hungry that he starts looking for more snacks.

And, if you let the girls have private snack stashes, let him have him own private stash. It doesn't have to be food, it could be like small toys or plastic dinosaurs or something like that. Let him add to it, something small every week or 2.

HSnyder1984 · November 2018

Thank you all for your suggestions! We went grocery shopping together and he got to pick foods that he would like to take to lunch as well as things we can cook together at home. He does enjoy cooking, more so with his dad than me so dad will be taking over the dinner preparations. I will start making his lunch. He does play baseball, both fall ball and spring. He is excited to try adding soccer.

kenyonhaff · November 2018

I have a kiddo who we are working on the same issue. We go periodically to a wellness counselor, and here are some things we are working on:

1) Mindfulness: Working on meditation, taking time to eat slowly and enjoy it, doing exercises that help put us in a good mindset...not stuff we hate.
2) Hydration: It helps, although usually indirectly. Restrict juices, promote water, and enjoy lots and lots of TEA.
3) Be active. Not everyone is into team sports - do stuff you love to do and it doesn't have to directly be a "workout". Just get out and about.

777Gemma888 · November 2018

Gauging from my gated communities children's activities ... I would suggest you LEAVE his consumption volume alone, only sign him up for Winter Tennis, Soccer and Basketball and track . Those coaches are amazing with the attention they give to each child, per their abilities. Clinics here run for 2 hours every afternoon from 4pm to 6.30pm. 30 mins pep talking.

All his expanded energy from his daily sports commitments should assist him with those calories being directed to where his growing body needs VS eating badly compounded by sedentary activities at home.

Children here don't get dropped or picked by their parents ... They walk to the courts, ballpark ... It works, if you merely adjust activities to suit a child. If it's just you plus him, it's not going to be as fun, I am guessing. Better still, if you find out which activities friends from school are doing, and sign him up there too.

Danp · November 2018

This is probably a little old fashioned and frowned upon these days but...

He's 10. He's a child. He doesn't and isn't equipped to make good meaningful decisions so as the adult it's your job to make them for him. So if he wants more food or to binge on junk, tell him no. Not to shame him or because he's overweight but because it's dangerous for his health and he's 10 so his health is your responsibility.

I can't think of any 10 year old who wouldn't eat chocolate for breakfast and cake for dinner if not given any boundaries. Kids suck at self management and self control because they're kids and their brains haven't developed fully yet.

Treat his overeating in the same way you would other things that you found out he was doing that would be damaging. How would you handle it if you found out he was smoking? or drinking?

Again, probably a bit 'old school' for today's society but still...

kq1981 · November 2018

I had the same issue with my daughter, we made it about being healthy not weight loss. Kids have so much growth to do. Good luck 😊

helsbelskels · November 2018

I have the same issue with my 9yr old - his brother was always sporty so though a little heavier has slimmed down with age because of his sports. I have signed up my son for Race at Your Pace www.raceatyourpace.co.uk so he gets a medal at the end of the month. I have pre-worked out mile "laps" from our house - to the shop, to the football pitch etc - he picks the route and off we go. He likes to take the medal to school. We started at a lower level but are going to 50 miles for December. I talk about food being nothing but fuel and occasionally get the scales out to show him what a "portion" size is and also the different amounts of say a sugary cereal vs a non sugary one for the same calories. Just a visual cue rather than becoming becoming the food police or putting too much onus on weight. I just want him to understand fuel in = energy out and if he's not doing much energy wise he doesn't need as much food wise. Hope this helps, we're 3lb down since half term just doing this.

Helping my 10 year old

Replies

Categories