Ok so I have bed issues....

PanteraGirl
PanteraGirl Posts: 566 Member
edited October 1 in Motivation and Support
Okay so you guys tell me if this is too much to ask....

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years......we bought a house together after being together for only 8 months. So owned a house and lived together now for about 2 years and 3 months. And are now trying to have a baby cuz we are ready to take the step!

Do you guys think that I need a brand new bed so that I could be the only woman that slept in it? Since we got together we have slept in his bed that he had when he was with his ex. I never really cared until I stumbled upon a picture of her in the same bed with the same duvet cuddling with my dog (well he's my dog now...and she wasn't really nice to him to begin with so he was never her dog)

We never invested in a new bed because as new home owners who bought a fixer upper...we focused on everything else...and really couldn't afford it...but I think I'm done........ I need it........

So am I being ridiculous.......or is this something I deserve for being so good about it thus far?

Replies

  • RebelliousRibbons
    RebelliousRibbons Posts: 391 Member
    Hm... I think I would just buy new sheets.

    The bed thing honestly wouldn't bother me.
  • PanteraGirl
    PanteraGirl Posts: 566 Member
    Hm... I think I would just buy new sheets.

    The bed thing honestly wouldn't bother me.

    Really even though you know that he has been with someone else in the bed over and over again???? Maybe i should have elaborated....he lived with her when he had the bed.....Makes me very uneasy...

    Good for you for being secure! :)
  • LuneBleu85
    LuneBleu85 Posts: 217
    Buy a new bed. That would weird me out too. I totally hear yah!
  • Jess7170
    Jess7170 Posts: 62 Member
    Tough call, but I'd have to go with being practical and keep it if the bed is in good shape. At the very least you can get new bedding and duvet cover and make it yours.
  • Gilbrod
    Gilbrod Posts: 1,216 Member
    If he says something like "we ca't get rid of this bed cuz my ex slept in it", worry. Other than that, I won't be insensitive and say who cares, because you do. So I'll say it shouldn't be a big enough deal to put anxiety between you and your boyfriend, and slowly eat at you. If you absolutely can't live with it, let him know now, or forever hold your peace. Good luck!
  • JayAlexander
    JayAlexander Posts: 268 Member
    I didn't have this problem, my boyfriend's ex took the bed! haha! He was sleeping on a futon and I refused to sleep over until he got a "big boy bed"! Needless to say, he was shopping the next day!
  • JoanWill
    JoanWill Posts: 217
    I have never been in your situation but looking in from out here, I think this is more like a jealousy issue and I probably would feel the same or even worse.

    BUT, if you have the budget for it and if it is was something you intended to do before you saw the picture and it is the next on the list of your priorities, then go for it.
  • BerkeleyMama
    BerkeleyMama Posts: 40
    New bed. Definitely. It's not weird, because it feels important to you. This isn't based on logic for you, nor is it petty. Trying to start a family: your family, should happen in your home (that you both got together) in your bed (that you both should also get together). Besides, chances are good that you're in need of a new bed anyway, how old is that thing?
    That said, get new linens for sure.
    And when you've got the money, go with your gut and do what makes you comfortable.
    Best of luck!!
  • sarahsoki
    sarahsoki Posts: 12
    You're supposed to replace a bed at least every 8 years just from a health standpoint (mites, oil, dead skin) Use that as an excuse!
  • RedNeckGal1970
    RedNeckGal1970 Posts: 56
    Now see it's just the opposite for me. When I married, I had the house and the furnishings already. I had lived with... well... we'll just say more than 2 or 3 different men in that house. My bed had seen more action than Nascar, more miles on it than a '68 Chevy. I never thought about it and the hubs has never said a work about it until we were moving and he saw where one of my ex's had carved his name on the back of the headboard. He says, "I think we need a new bed." I'm like, "whatever... when we get some extra money we can buy one but this one is in great shape, still comfy and you have always loved this bed. What's up?" He showed me the name that I never even knew was carved in the headboard. Hmm... how often do you look at the back side of the head board that's always up against the wall?

    We have been married for just over 5 years and of course we have had a couple new beds since then. However my daughter now has the bed, because it's a great bed, "No movement water bed" her and her fiance love it. I figure he has his past and I have mine. I have never seen photos of his ex's but it doesn't mean he doesn't have any. I have photos of several of my ex's. Last year for my birthday, my hubs gathered most all of the photos he could find of my past (they were packed away in boxes) and made me photo albums. One album dedicated to each of my children... yes that means their fathers and I and our little ones,the life that we had together. That's three albums. Then he made one album that is just random photos of my past :huh: . He is not insecure about any of that.He still has things that his ex's have given him and I still have stuff from my ex's (besides the 3 kids I have from 3 of my ex's) Heck I think a couple of the nightshirts I still wear are Tshirts that belonged to my last boyfriend before I met Hubs. It's all just stuff.

    Anyways, if it bothers you, I would go with the new bedding. And if you have the money to replace the bed... go for it. But unless he is saying absolutly not, that he won't part with the bed...you have nothing to worry about. YOU are with him, YOU bought a house with him,YOU are trying to have a baby with him, YOU are the one he want's to spend the rest of his life with. She was just practice to get him ready to be the perfect man for you! There is a reason they aren't together anymore. So I wouldn't sweat it. But if it really bothers you... by all means... buy a new bed!

    Good luck starting a family and I wish you all the best with your bed issues, whatever you decide to do.:smile:
  • lucyhoneychurch
    lucyhoneychurch Posts: 576 Member
    The bed issue used to bother me. I wondered if he thought of any of his exes, that we should have a new bed especially since we ended up getting married, had a new house... he is a practical guy, but said if it really bothered me then we'd get a new one. Five years later we did get a new bed frame that's still sitting in our garage. Other things just became more important to me, such as my three little kids, creating a family life, saving money and working on losing weight. We still haven't changed the bed and I don't even think about it anymore (we've been married for almost 8 years). It's not a big deal to me anymore. There's no reason to be jealous of anything.

    But if it's a deal breaker to you NOW, if it bothers you so much that you can't stand to be in the bed, and if he's willing enough to make you happy on this thing, then change it.

    Grander scheme of things, it's not a big deal to most guys. It's a bed, a practical thing.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
    well, is it comfortable?
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
    if it bothers you and you can afford it, then change it. We all have our little insecurities.

    It wouldnt be a priority for me personally, but if its just one little thing that bugs you, theres no harm getting a new one.

    If its a symptom of you being insecure with the relationship in general though, then maybe that might be worth working on, because once the bed has gone, you may just find something else.
  • ninpiggy
    ninpiggy Posts: 228 Member
    I don't want to come off as insensitive but it sounds like there are some issues in the relationship that might need dealt with before making a baby together. If the bed upsets you, maybe you need to think about why exactly that is. Are you afraid he still has feelings for her? Or is it just the simple fact that you're where she once was and it's kind of gross? Perhaps sit down with your partner and discuss this. Maybe he'll agree and the two of you can go buy a new mattress.

    Good luck! :)
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