Dank memes for obese genes

I wasn't sure what to put for the title. Anyways, I'm Jon and I'm trying to lose a lot of weight again for the 100th or so time. I've been obese since I was a kid. It runs in the family. The same goes with depression. I was pushing 400 pounds by the time I was out of high school. I was a really emotional and temperamental kid and teenager. Mostly because I had this depression that was compounded by my weight and being the butt of jokes semi-regularly. When I turned 19-20, something cracked for me. I’m actually just kind of remembering the thing that triggered me (“medicated” epiphanies are like this). I was walking in a mall and these guys working at a phone kiosk were like “Hey let us take a picture of you” as if I was some sort of freak to them because I was so fat.

Anyway, over a 2 year period I lost 140 pounds, was in a real relationship for the first time in my life, was in college, and had some semblance of a decent life. I started running a lot and even ran a 15k. I was training for a half marathon when I got into a car accident and I had three discs in my neck herniated the week before the race. I don’t think this was necessarily the trigger for me gaining all my weight back, but it definitely didn’t help. I recovered pretty quickly and was running 5ks again, but never really pushed beyond that. I got interested in weightlifting, but couldn’t really get the hang of the big lifts, and my weight loss was plateuing and the loose skin was becoming a problem. I went to see a few surgeons about the skin. Some said I still had to lose more weight probably (which wasn’t happening for me for a while). I also found out I’d probably have an uphill fight against the insurance company to cover it and I got overwhelmed and the depression came like a flood.

I did what I did a lot of my life to cope and binge ate. I would eat amounts of food that could feed a family of four. I tried to keep with working out, but I was never consistent and eventually just stopped. I gained more than double the weight I had lost. Since then, I’ve tried many times for a week here or a few days there to lose weight without being able to fight against the urge to give up. I’ve had pain everywhere get worse as I’ve lived as someone with a BMI in the super obese category. The pain, my weight, and the depression are tangled up in this web that I need to untangle. I need to look at a comprehensive plan and I need to learn to be better to myself. I have always been my worst critic since I was young. I have to learn to quell the inner self-hate.

So for the past week or so I’ve been eating better, trying to be more active and not letting my pain be a deterrent for that. After this epiphany, I’m hoping to be more mindful of my emotions and the root causes of them. I need to be more active in my mental health and even if I can’t find a therapist I can afford, I can do write things down. It’s something I’ve turned to before and I think it’s time to do it again. Anyway, if you’ve read this whole mini autobiography, thank you. And if not, I understand. This is mostly for me. I needed to get this off of my chest and I guess the edible I had helped. Lol So feel free to message me or add me on here. Positive vibes yada yada.