Competitive with spouse?

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ellioc2
ellioc2 Posts: 148 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Does anyone else ever feel competitive or jealous of their spouse? I’ve been doing this for 3 months, eating 1200-1400 calories a day, working out 3-4 times a week and working really hard. Meanwhile, my husband is naturally thin. He used to have to calorie count to gain, not to lose. I used to buy food for the both of us (I’m gluten free and he’s lactose free) but he got tired of my “healthy” food so now i just buy him stuff I know he likes - Triscuits, sharp cheddar cheese, summer sausage, beef jerky, “Asian” frozen dinners, etc. And he snacks and eats all this food and stays pretty lean. The other night he asked me if I would still be attracted to him if he got skinny by doing more cardio (apparently he wants to lower his resting heart rate to reduce anxiety and doesn’t care about what he looks like). The frustrating thing is I know he’ll have no issues losing weight by just doing a little more cardio and eating more or less the same. That’s just how his body his. But I’ll continue to be the fat wife (I weigh more than him) no matter how hard I try. His genetics are just better than my genetics. Sorry to vent, I’m just frustrated it’s so easy for him and so hard for me. Anyone else competitive with their spouse or partner? Any tips?
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Replies

  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
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    No, I am not competitive at all with my husband. He’s also a naturally thin person that also easily eats twice as much as I do. He eats to live, I live to eat. Sometimes life isn’t fair, just the way it is. It’s part of learning we have to accept things we can not control.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    My dh lost more weight than me because he went on a medication that as a side effect lessened his appetite. He did not calorie count, change type of food he ate, or change his activity level. He does not worry about nutrition and often skips meals because he just isn't hungry. Sometimes I feel wistful about it all as I still outweigh him by about 10 lbs and have to work a lot harder to lose and maintain weight. I never feel like skipping meals. I don't want to have the issue that required him to take that medication though. I have 1 pill vs his sack of pills. I'm glad he is at a healthy weight.
    My dd was underweight and had to gain about 20 lbs. Working with her on that I know that it is not easy to gain for some people either as they have to also make different choices or change their lifestyle. She did not have special genes that did not make her gain weight no matter what she ate. She was not consuming enough calories to be a higher weight. When she changed her calorie consumption then she started to gain weight too.
    Your dh might benefit from eating and drinking more calorie dense things to maintain or gain while increasing his activity. https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10142490/a-list-of-calorie-dense-foods/p1
  • thisPGHlife
    thisPGHlife Posts: 440 Member
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    My husband and I are competitive about board games. Not weight loss though but I can totally understand where you are coming from. We had both come into it relationship having lost a great deal of weight previously. We then both out on weight although I put in MUCH more than he did. About six months ago he had a health scare and we both finally got serious about losing the weight. In about 4.5-5 months he lost the forty pounds he needed to get into a healthy bmi and now has been focusing on maintenance. I'm currently at just over 55 pounds lost and I'm only a third of the way to goal.

    Logically I'm perfectly fine. I know he did an amazing job and I'm really proud of him. We both have our days where we easy less than ideal but overall we are both eating better. And by better I mean more nutritionally dense foods while still fitting in dessert. I did have a really hard time when he was at the 30-35 pound loss mark and I was at the 40-45 pound mark. My mother was commenting on his weight loss and then turned to me and said, "doesn't it suck how easy men have it?" I jokingly mentioned that I had lost more weight then him and that they hadn't said a thing, but it really hurt. I felt bad because I felt like I was taking away from his success, but it felt like everyone else was taking away from my success.

    We still have small issues because he feels guilty eating some of the higher calorie items since he has at least double the calories I do (male+active job=all the calories) but I've told him that if I want it, I will have it and make it for my calories. It doesn't mean he shouldn't have it. But we are very supportive of each other since he knows how much I struggle with family interactions. I do find myself very motivated by the "I told you so" and I look forward to being a healthy weight so I can run it in my family's face that I did it without they're support, but it's also not my main reason for doing it.

    It stinks when you feel like you have to compete. Maybe let him know how you feel and talk about it with him.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,464 Member
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    My spouse and I just try to support each other’s activities. There are enough people, jobs, and circumstances to drag us down and compete with, no need to do that each other too.
  • Running2Fit
    Running2Fit Posts: 702 Member
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    My husband has always been thin. He wears the exact same size pants now as he did when we met 10 years ago. He has a pretty active job and a higher than average metabolism (tested and confirmed by a doctor). But he’s endlessly supportive of my weight loss efforts. I’ll admit that sometimes I jealous that it seems like he can eat whatever he wants and doesn’t gain a pound but I just look at ice cream and gain five. But I know that’s not reality. Reality is that he’s more active than me and he really doesn’t eat more or as much as I did when I wasn’t watching my diet. Yes, he doesn’t have to watch his foods as carefully as I do but that doesn’t mean that even with his faster metabolism he could actually eat like I used to and not gain weight.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
    edited December 2018
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    No. There's no reason to be competitive with him. He's much taller, weighs 60 lbs more than me and is extremely active in his job. I sit on my *kitten* all day at work. Our calorie needs are nothing alike. And yes he is thin and can whatever and however much he wants to. It does not bother me. He also has a lot of digestive issues and can't eat a lot of things because they upset his stomach, and meanwhile I have a stomach of steel and can eat anything, so that's just an example of us having different obstacles. You should just try to be supportive of your husband for trying to better his health
  • kami3006
    kami3006 Posts: 4,978 Member
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    While I would love to be able to drop weight like my husband, I am still glad he has an easy time of it. I want him healthy and around for a long, long time so the easier it is for him the better!
  • sardelsa
    sardelsa Posts: 9,812 Member
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    No I'm not. I kind of have the opposite issue where I seem to lose weight very easily and I am able to eat what I want (the thing is what I want isn't having everything all at once). He is taller and weighs more than me, but I am more active.

    I think just supporting each others goals and keeping your eyes in your own lane is the best thing you can do.

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