I'm crying on my couch, thinking about I've failed myself so terribly.

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missiontofitness
missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been on this website on and off for 7 years now. In 2015, I was at my best weight/fitness level of my life. I was teetering in the 120s, I was working out regularly, and had my eating in check. I moved out of state for a new job, and stopped going to the gym. Relaxed my diet a bit. The weight crept back on.

We're in 2018 now. I've quit smoking, and been dealing with a lot of stress. I'm also in a healthy/loving relationship with a gym rat which has had me relax my eating even more. I'm now 60lbs heavier than I was in 2015, and I'm sitting on my couch crying, alone.

I just did a 15 minute easy workout routine on Youtube, and it was so hard. I looked at myself in the mirror earlier in absolute disgust. I hate my body and what I've become. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I can't stop bawling on my couch, feeling so overwhelmed at how long it's going to take me to get back to where I was. I'm disappointed in myself for letting myself become so lazy and depressed. I could have tried harder, but I didn't. I starting tomorrow (and logged tonight to get back in the routine of logging), and I'm over calories if I eat my dinner (a bowl of soup). I'm so disappointed.

I'm sorry for this vent; I just needed somewhere to let it out.
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Replies

  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
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    Running2Fit wrote: »
    Girl, we have all been there! At the end of August I was also sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out after stepping on the scale and realizing I’d gained back almost everything I’d lost in 2017. Eat your soup, don’t worry about going over today and let yourself cry. And then make a plan to get back on track tomorrow. You know you can do this!

    Thank you so much. I have a gym buddy for tomorrow and plan on taking it easy. It's just so tough having to start over again!
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
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    christys03 wrote: »
    Cry it out. Tomorrow is a new day. Pull up those bootstraps n get 2 work....u have done it b4. Just need 2 get back on track. One day atta time. Progress. Not perfection. 🤗

    Thank you <3
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
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    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    Every one of us, every day, starts all over.

    Thank you <3
  • arkangelicus
    arkangelicus Posts: 9 Member
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    Never give up! Never surrender! You are not alone!
    Tomorrow is a new day so make it count.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
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    Many of us have been there, myself included (more than once) The statistics show that over 80% of people that lose weight (no matter how they lose it) gain it back (some gain even more back) within 5 years.
    So, you are not alone. You know what to do, you did it before, you can do it again!
  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
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    Don't worry, a lot of us have gone through it too. The best thing you can do is forgive yourself like you would do to a best friend, reflect and learn on what you can do to make it easier this time, and try again.
  • jonjaxmom
    jonjaxmom Posts: 77 Member
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    I have been on here for over 5 years, and as my weight has fluctuated, so has my commitment to this, so I 100% understand. Please don't beat yourself up over it. Take it easy on yourself, take a deep breath, and go kill it at your next workout. Plan your food ahead of time, and stick with it. You will find it again, I promise you that!!
  • cariwaldick
    cariwaldick Posts: 189 Member
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    No matter what you weigh, YOU are still you. It's what's inside that matters. Being in a healthy, loving relationship can feel like permission to let go and relax. It's so liberating to find someone who sees beyond the surface, and loves us no matter what. He might even like the curves you get with a little more weight. If he's a gym rat, he can probably consume calories like crazy. You might be tempted to go along with him in that--but you can't.

    Like everyone said, tomorrow is a new opportunity. You know how to do it, and it's going to be hard at first. But you can do it. Remember how good it felt to be healthy. Remember how empowered you felt when you worked out. You will get it back faster than you think.

    I lost a lot of weight, then gained it back over the last ten years. I'm over fifty, and back at it. I'm doing this once and for all. This is my new normal. For me, letting go and relaxing my guard means I WILL gain it back. Gaining it back will kill me.

    When you're tempted to cry on your couch next time, do crunches instead. Throw away something you know you shouldn't eat. Take an ugly "before" picture and say goodbye to that image. Remember to love yourself for who you are. Focus on your strengths--like strength to weather a storm, being a good friend, having a can-do attitude, or being a loving girlfriend. That person deserves to be healthy and fit.

  • amgreenwell
    amgreenwell Posts: 1,268 Member
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    Okay, get up, dry the tears and start changing your lifestyle today. No one can make you happy but you. Period. So, if being happy means being fit and eating well, then do those things for yourself. Remember non-scale victories are important too. Remember yesterday and how hard that "easy" workout was...then do something about it and in three months do that "easy" work out again and really amaze yourself at your progress and how good you feel. You got this. You just gotta get up and do it.
  • caindove11
    caindove11 Posts: 73 Member
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    We have all been there. Tomorrow is a new day. You will be fine!
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    Been there got the T-Shirt. Lost 30lbs gained it back because I am an idiot. This year I have lost it again. You can do this. I did. I went back to basics, started weghing and logging all my food again and am now working on getting fitter. Just take one step at a time. You will soon get your weight down and your fitness up.

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  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,287 Member
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    It is okay to take a day. .maybe two to feel like crap and to beat yourself up for letting it get so bad. Who here hasn't been there done that? All of us. After your cry.. pull yourself up and get to work. It is only fat. It can be lost..just like it can be gained. You are not stuck, it isn't permanent..you can solve this problem.
    the good news is, you know what to do...and by this time next year. You can have your fit body back.



  • aimjolie
    aimjolie Posts: 60 Member
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    We have all been there. You are not alone. Losing weight can be difficult and frustrating especially when we are surrounded by food all day. First thing, forgive yourself! You may have gained weight but you still are the beautiful you. So begin to love yourself, like your boyfriend/husband does. Don’t think how long it will take to lose the weight. Just say for today I can eat healthy, log my calories, and walk a little more. Take tiny steps and take 1 day at a time. You did it before and you can do it again! And remember, you are not alone in this loss weight journey!

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