I'm crying on my couch, thinking about I've failed myself so terribly.

missiontofitness
missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been on this website on and off for 7 years now. In 2015, I was at my best weight/fitness level of my life. I was teetering in the 120s, I was working out regularly, and had my eating in check. I moved out of state for a new job, and stopped going to the gym. Relaxed my diet a bit. The weight crept back on.

We're in 2018 now. I've quit smoking, and been dealing with a lot of stress. I'm also in a healthy/loving relationship with a gym rat which has had me relax my eating even more. I'm now 60lbs heavier than I was in 2015, and I'm sitting on my couch crying, alone.

I just did a 15 minute easy workout routine on Youtube, and it was so hard. I looked at myself in the mirror earlier in absolute disgust. I hate my body and what I've become. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I can't stop bawling on my couch, feeling so overwhelmed at how long it's going to take me to get back to where I was. I'm disappointed in myself for letting myself become so lazy and depressed. I could have tried harder, but I didn't. I starting tomorrow (and logged tonight to get back in the routine of logging), and I'm over calories if I eat my dinner (a bowl of soup). I'm so disappointed.

I'm sorry for this vent; I just needed somewhere to let it out.

Replies

  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
    Running2Fit wrote: »
    Girl, we have all been there! At the end of August I was also sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out after stepping on the scale and realizing I’d gained back almost everything I’d lost in 2017. Eat your soup, don’t worry about going over today and let yourself cry. And then make a plan to get back on track tomorrow. You know you can do this!

    Thank you so much. I have a gym buddy for tomorrow and plan on taking it easy. It's just so tough having to start over again!
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
    christys03 wrote: »
    Cry it out. Tomorrow is a new day. Pull up those bootstraps n get 2 work....u have done it b4. Just need 2 get back on track. One day atta time. Progress. Not perfection. 🤗

    Thank you <3
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    Every one of us, every day, starts all over.

    Thank you <3
  • arkangelicus
    arkangelicus Posts: 9 Member
    Never give up! Never surrender! You are not alone!
    Tomorrow is a new day so make it count.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    Many of us have been there, myself included (more than once) The statistics show that over 80% of people that lose weight (no matter how they lose it) gain it back (some gain even more back) within 5 years.
    So, you are not alone. You know what to do, you did it before, you can do it again!
  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
    Don't worry, a lot of us have gone through it too. The best thing you can do is forgive yourself like you would do to a best friend, reflect and learn on what you can do to make it easier this time, and try again.
  • jonjaxmom
    jonjaxmom Posts: 77 Member
    I have been on here for over 5 years, and as my weight has fluctuated, so has my commitment to this, so I 100% understand. Please don't beat yourself up over it. Take it easy on yourself, take a deep breath, and go kill it at your next workout. Plan your food ahead of time, and stick with it. You will find it again, I promise you that!!
  • cariwaldick
    cariwaldick Posts: 189 Member
    No matter what you weigh, YOU are still you. It's what's inside that matters. Being in a healthy, loving relationship can feel like permission to let go and relax. It's so liberating to find someone who sees beyond the surface, and loves us no matter what. He might even like the curves you get with a little more weight. If he's a gym rat, he can probably consume calories like crazy. You might be tempted to go along with him in that--but you can't.

    Like everyone said, tomorrow is a new opportunity. You know how to do it, and it's going to be hard at first. But you can do it. Remember how good it felt to be healthy. Remember how empowered you felt when you worked out. You will get it back faster than you think.

    I lost a lot of weight, then gained it back over the last ten years. I'm over fifty, and back at it. I'm doing this once and for all. This is my new normal. For me, letting go and relaxing my guard means I WILL gain it back. Gaining it back will kill me.

    When you're tempted to cry on your couch next time, do crunches instead. Throw away something you know you shouldn't eat. Take an ugly "before" picture and say goodbye to that image. Remember to love yourself for who you are. Focus on your strengths--like strength to weather a storm, being a good friend, having a can-do attitude, or being a loving girlfriend. That person deserves to be healthy and fit.

  • amgreenwell
    amgreenwell Posts: 1,267 Member
    Okay, get up, dry the tears and start changing your lifestyle today. No one can make you happy but you. Period. So, if being happy means being fit and eating well, then do those things for yourself. Remember non-scale victories are important too. Remember yesterday and how hard that "easy" workout was...then do something about it and in three months do that "easy" work out again and really amaze yourself at your progress and how good you feel. You got this. You just gotta get up and do it.
  • caindove11
    caindove11 Posts: 73 Member
    We have all been there. Tomorrow is a new day. You will be fine!
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    Been there got the T-Shirt. Lost 30lbs gained it back because I am an idiot. This year I have lost it again. You can do this. I did. I went back to basics, started weghing and logging all my food again and am now working on getting fitter. Just take one step at a time. You will soon get your weight down and your fitness up.

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  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,324 Member
    It is okay to take a day. .maybe two to feel like crap and to beat yourself up for letting it get so bad. Who here hasn't been there done that? All of us. After your cry.. pull yourself up and get to work. It is only fat. It can be lost..just like it can be gained. You are not stuck, it isn't permanent..you can solve this problem.
    the good news is, you know what to do...and by this time next year. You can have your fit body back.



  • aimjolie
    aimjolie Posts: 60 Member
    We have all been there. You are not alone. Losing weight can be difficult and frustrating especially when we are surrounded by food all day. First thing, forgive yourself! You may have gained weight but you still are the beautiful you. So begin to love yourself, like your boyfriend/husband does. Don’t think how long it will take to lose the weight. Just say for today I can eat healthy, log my calories, and walk a little more. Take tiny steps and take 1 day at a time. You did it before and you can do it again! And remember, you are not alone in this loss weight journey!
  • Anniejazz
    Anniejazz Posts: 35 Member
    You've been at the beginning before so you know what to expect. Try to make choices that will be enjoyable for you, realistic and permanent. The old adage, 'If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you always got' is very true. Use that gymrat for inspiration, help and motivation; people love being asked for help, especially if asked by someone they love.
    You can do it. X
  • schilv01
    schilv01 Posts: 1 Member
    thank you so much for being open and posting this! Like you this was just what I needed today. Really some beautiful replies- thank you everyone!
  • kaizaku
    kaizaku Posts: 1,039 Member
    You have a gym rat as a partner. He should encourage, motivate you more than anything. Unlike some of us who have no one. Ease into training. Anything better than nothing. Start now, by summer you will be ready or close at least.
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
    Thank you everyone! I'm feeling much better compared to when I posted this. Making changes, and feeling a lot better about approaching my goals this time around. Been upping my activity, being more cognizant of what I eat, and not feeling bad if I splurge (wasn't passing up wine and homemade scalloped potatoes at the family dinner for Christmas...).

    Thank you so much everyone. Reminding myself that small (and big) changes add up, and that it's okay to be at square one again.
  • michelleg85
    michelleg85 Posts: 30 Member
    I personally believe that sometimes these moments are like an epiphany, and what gets us back at the game. I remember going for a free trial at the gym with a friend and not being able to run for 3 minutes on the treadmill. I sat on the floor right there in the gym and cried. That was my moment, and I will always look back and remember it as the point after which I have been moving forward. Your moment is behind you, this is a good thing! Call it the rock bottom of the journey if you will, and you, my dear, are on the other side of it and on your way back up already.
  • DaniMerc72
    DaniMerc72 Posts: 188 Member
    Been there, done that, got a t shirt (which is now too tight!)--I was doing great, eating well and going to the gym, and I lost 35 pounds. Then started falling into bad habits again, and gained back 28 of them. All of my progress is gone--I get winded going up the stairs now, like I used to. I feel sloppy and sluggish and gross.
    It hit me this morning when I logged in--today is exactly 1 year ago that I started logging, and I have no real progress to show for my 365 days because I have slipped and splurged so much. Today I am back on the wagon again and I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. Feel free to add me if you want (anyone!) because we all need support and encouragement!
  • krisclark220
    krisclark220 Posts: 3 Member
    We’re all on this app for a reason dear one. First: YOU are not your body!
    Second: be kind to yourself, that ‘body’ works every aspect of your physical being. Show it gratitude and then give it the nutrients it needs to be it’s healthiest.
    Third: were here for you! You’re not alone in your struggles. Just know that there are lots of us ‘starting again’ and need you as much as you need us.

    Have a strong 2019 and I can’t wait to hear and share in your progress.

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