Dusting off my mental tools...

Hiya folks! My name is Nikki and I’m a newbie here, which only a month logged in. I do...however...have a Mighty, Mighty, Backstory. I was always somewhere between curvy and obese from childhood on, but I made a big change back in 2004, going from a 4x to an xl, where I was quite happy. Felt hot and healthy! The I divorced my useless husband, moved back home to marry my current (13 years and still calling each other silly names) who had been waiting for me to come back for him for about 2 years. Stuff happens. I have a radical hysterectomy and instant menopause. And gain 200 pounds because my world had exploded and all I knew how to do was eat. I spent a little while at 450, but, really, the part of me that still loved myself and the people around me who loved me wouldn’t let me stay there. The only things I was consistent on where 1) If you ate it, log it ( I used SparkPeople for 10 years, but quit because it was getting too perky for my inner goth.) Even if you are embarrassed about having eaten it...own it. 2) Measure everything ( this makes it possible to log everything). You need liquid measuring cups, dry measuring cups, measuring spoons and an a digital scale with an auto off function. Everything else changed regularly. Oh, I forgot, I never wavered from simple “ calories in - calories out/ eat healthy” no fad diets...ever, and in my opinion, anything that does more than simply reduce the number of calories you are eating and make lifelong nutritional health choices, is a fad diet. I lost 150 pounds. Seven through four years ago. And I have only gained back twenty (12 currently).

Now, it may sound like I’m here to gloat. I Am Not. Just letting you know where I started at. Shortly after I got down to 300, I had some medical issues slam me that kept me completely sedentary for three years. Kept my eating healthy and under control and, like I said, only gained back 20.

Working on two years ago my doctor found a new treatment for my most disabling condition, and just a couple of months ago I had surgery to correct the second most troubling.

So everything should be perfect, right? Keeping the calories down, hitting the ( still modified) workouts, watching the weight drip off like a icicle?

NOT.

I’m not eating like I was when I gained 200, but I can see shadows of it. A quart of sugar free ice cream is supposed to last a week, not two nights. I’m working out until I’m exhausted and then not able to do anything for two days (I’m still very weak. I go to physical therapy, but these things take time). I’m completely self sabotaging myself, I know I’m doing it when I’m doing it, and it doesn’t matter.

Im having a hell of a time getting my head into the game this time. I’m keeping WLS open as an option, but I want to see what I can accomplish while going through their program, which is six months. I’m not even starting their program until I have my head on right.

Looking for friends to bounce ideas off of, share victories and trade recipes!

Thanks for reading so far,
Nikki