Confusion

Jadu786
Jadu786 Posts: 141 Member
edited December 2024 in Motivation and Support
I met this guy online on match.com yesterday and we were thinking to meet for coffee on Saturday.
So he told me that he is separated from his wife and they are working through a divorce, but they have been separated since last year. He said that he wants to be honest and not keep me in the dark so that’s why hes telling me that he’s separated and not divorced. His soon to be ex wife also lives in the same city as us, and I myself have been through a divorce so I know how it can be. Does anyone have any suggestions if I should still meet the guy or not?

Replies

  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,333 Member
    edited January 2019
    If you want drama, distress, and potentially be involved with a married man who is lying to his wife. Go ahead.

    Also..let me give you the best advice I give my daughter and dearest friends. A jerk..always tells you upfront he's a jerk. they couch it in a good story..but they tell you..and you know it too. That way when the crap hits the fan...it is your fault not theirs.. And they're right.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    No.
  • Redordeadhead
    Redordeadhead Posts: 1,188 Member
    No.
  • Jadu786
    Jadu786 Posts: 141 Member
    elisa123gal wrote: »
    If you want drama, distress, and potentially be involved with a married man who is lying to his wife. Go ahead.

    Also..let me give you the best advice I give my daughter and dearest friends. A jerk..always tells you upfront he's a jerk. they couch it in a good story..but they tell you..and you know it too. That way when the crap hits the fan...it is your fault not theirs.. And they're right.


    This makes sense and it's what my gut feeling was, so I guess I'll pass!

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,458 Member
    Exactly.

    When people show you who they are, believe them.

    Who he is - a married man who is either unsure or lying or who will never be divorced.
  • Jadu786
    Jadu786 Posts: 141 Member
    cmriverside wrote: »
    Exactly.

    When people show you who they are, believe them.

    Who he is - a married man who is either unsure or lying or who will never be divorced.

    Yea, it's weird. He was saying he's been wanting to be divorced since 2017 but it hasn't happened... kind of ridiculous if you ask me. I told him maybe we could meet up as friends until he gets all his stuff sorted out so he tells me then I should be okay with him dating other people.

  • SpicyWater
    SpicyWater Posts: 99 Member
    My personal opinion is that you should spend BOTH your friendship and emotional energy on someone less manipulative.
    Almost anyone would be better than someone like that.
  • Sandi5608
    Sandi5608 Posts: 14 Member
    Run.....do not walk. You deserve so much better!
  • panda4153
    panda4153 Posts: 418 Member
    I’m going to go against the grain here, and say I think it’s a good sign he explained his situation. The fact is that relationships are not one size fits all, and you don’t know all the circumstances around why his divorce is not finalized yet. I know many people who have been separated for years and have very happy successful relationships with other people. Sometimes it’s because they have kids and have chosen to stay married legally because they are amicable and don’t want to go through the courts for custody arrangements. In my state it’s required even if both parties agree on something. It could be for financial or insurance reasons. If you like him and feel like there is a connection would it really hurt to meet him and get your questions answered?? You certainly don’t have to take it past that if you feel like he’s being evasive or just don’t feel right about it. But you could also end up letting your soulmate pass you, by making assumptions about his situation without getting the full story.
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