I'm Officially Fat Again
Zeebopbiddlywop
Posts: 13 Member
I'm Valerie. I'm 34. I'm a single mom and an office manager for a physical therapy clinic. And I'm officially fat again. A few years ago, I had a several year streak of MFP and made it down to my lowest weight ever of 216. I have yoyo'd in weight loss and gain for about 10 years, but been heavy my whole life. I decided to do something about it in 2009.
First time to lose weight, I lose about 40 pounds no problem. I had a very physical job so it melted off. I gained it all back.
I lost weight again, got fitter, got pregnant, didn't gain a whole lot during pregnancy, and got very fit after giving birth. I ran 3-4 days a week, bicycled 50-75+ miles on top of that, and lifted hard and heavy. I was athletic and strong. I made it to my lowest weight ever and smallest size I've ever worn.
I have gained it all back and then some. I stepped on the scale today and it read 294.4 pounds.
I used to have huge life changing NSV's. I was able to ride every ride at Great America, shop at regular stores, feel my collarbone, and have rings slide off every finger. I have also suffered with giant, painful boils on my body (inner legs, armpits, and a few other places). The boils nearly stopped as I slimmed down/got fitter and had no outbreaks. If I did, they were more like a pimple. Now, being officially fat, I am getting boils regularly again. They are worse than ever and extremely painful. And I'm so fat now, it was very difficult to fasten my seatbelt on a plane.
So here I am again pushing 300 pounds. I'm fat and gross. I haven't had sex in months because I don't want to embarass myself. I don't want anyone to see my sores. I'd love to get married but no one that I'd ever be interested in marrying would be interested in me at this size. I'm still an attractive girl but when I was slimmer, I had the attention of men I really wanted. And I snagged one of them and we were together for a year. Not together anymore (not related to weight) but are still great friends. I sent him a pic on NYE that happened to have my arm in it. And whoa boy did it look fat. Like really fat. Big sloppy batwing. And he said "Damn whose arm is that?" I said "Well that would be mine." Eye opening.
As I said, I work in a physical therapy clinic. I love my job. But I don't look like my fellow employees. I'm fat. And I'm the fattest one in the clinic. In fact, out of the clinics I've worked at and people I met there, I've always been the fattest. I stick out like a sore thumb. Pretty sure my regional boss is disgusted by me.
So yeah here we are. I'm on day 3 of tracking again. Been under goal all 3 days and went to the gym yesterday and today. I'm hoping to connect with people who are serious about wanting to lose weight again in healthy ways.
I like to do karaoke (and went I was fitter, I had more singing stamina), have a lot of tattoos, love food, and love cats.
First time to lose weight, I lose about 40 pounds no problem. I had a very physical job so it melted off. I gained it all back.
I lost weight again, got fitter, got pregnant, didn't gain a whole lot during pregnancy, and got very fit after giving birth. I ran 3-4 days a week, bicycled 50-75+ miles on top of that, and lifted hard and heavy. I was athletic and strong. I made it to my lowest weight ever and smallest size I've ever worn.
I have gained it all back and then some. I stepped on the scale today and it read 294.4 pounds.
I used to have huge life changing NSV's. I was able to ride every ride at Great America, shop at regular stores, feel my collarbone, and have rings slide off every finger. I have also suffered with giant, painful boils on my body (inner legs, armpits, and a few other places). The boils nearly stopped as I slimmed down/got fitter and had no outbreaks. If I did, they were more like a pimple. Now, being officially fat, I am getting boils regularly again. They are worse than ever and extremely painful. And I'm so fat now, it was very difficult to fasten my seatbelt on a plane.
So here I am again pushing 300 pounds. I'm fat and gross. I haven't had sex in months because I don't want to embarass myself. I don't want anyone to see my sores. I'd love to get married but no one that I'd ever be interested in marrying would be interested in me at this size. I'm still an attractive girl but when I was slimmer, I had the attention of men I really wanted. And I snagged one of them and we were together for a year. Not together anymore (not related to weight) but are still great friends. I sent him a pic on NYE that happened to have my arm in it. And whoa boy did it look fat. Like really fat. Big sloppy batwing. And he said "Damn whose arm is that?" I said "Well that would be mine." Eye opening.
As I said, I work in a physical therapy clinic. I love my job. But I don't look like my fellow employees. I'm fat. And I'm the fattest one in the clinic. In fact, out of the clinics I've worked at and people I met there, I've always been the fattest. I stick out like a sore thumb. Pretty sure my regional boss is disgusted by me.
So yeah here we are. I'm on day 3 of tracking again. Been under goal all 3 days and went to the gym yesterday and today. I'm hoping to connect with people who are serious about wanting to lose weight again in healthy ways.
I like to do karaoke (and went I was fitter, I had more singing stamina), have a lot of tattoos, love food, and love cats.
8
Replies
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Hey Valerie, welcome back! 🙂
If I could send a genuine hug I would. You aren’t alone, everyone on here has joined because we need added help in getting to where we want to be. Take one day at a time and focus on how awesome you felt at your lightest weight and push towards that feeling. Let that be the reason you push through when things get tough. You’ve got this!!! 🙌1 -
I happened upon your post as I was feeling very low about starting another round of trying to lose weight. A few years back I lost 35 pounds using MyFitnessPal and it really helped me keep in check. I gained it all back when my body decided it was time to start pre-menopause. It sucks. But I wanted to address something I saw in your post. If you did it once you can do it again. Take it slow one moment at a time and don't worry about what other people think. Just focus on you. A friend recommended a book called Pursuing Perfection by Margo Maine & Joe Kelly. I haven't read it yet but thought you might like to read it since we have some common denominators in our lives. I wish you well on your journey and I know you can get passed this set back. Thank you for sharing such a personal story on the forum and I look forward to hearing your updates. Best wishes for a healthy tomorrow.1
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Hi Valerie! I've been one of those that lost a bunch of weight and gained it back as well. I weighed myself on Wednesday and nearly wanted to cry when I was back up to over 300 (302 to be exact). I know I can do this, I've done it before...I just need to get into the right mindset and not to let myself get sidetracked by stress and depression eating. That was a huge deal for me in this past year. I was forced into full menopause thanks to a cancer-required hysterectomy, and then some family medical issues caused me to go further into depression too. But I'm stronger than I think and I (and *we*) CAN do this! I'm sending you a friend request and hopefully we can help keep each other on track!1
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teenafoster93 wrote: »Hey Valerie, welcome back! 🙂
If I could send a genuine hug I would. You aren’t alone, everyone on here has joined because we need added help in getting to where we want to be. Take one day at a time and focus on how awesome you felt at your lightest weight and push towards that feeling. Let that be the reason you push through when things get tough. You’ve got this!!! 🙌
Thanks. I want to be a good role model to my daughter.1 -
I happened upon your post as I was feeling very low about starting another round of trying to lose weight. A few years back I lost 35 pounds using MyFitnessPal and it really helped me keep in check. I gained it all back when my body decided it was time to start pre-menopause. It sucks. But I wanted to address something I saw in your post. If you did it once you can do it again. Take it slow one moment at a time and don't worry about what other people think. Just focus on you. A friend recommended a book called Pursuing Perfection by Margo Maine & Joe Kelly. I haven't read it yet but thought you might like to read it since we have some common denominators in our lives. I wish you well on your journey and I know you can get passed this set back. Thank you for sharing such a personal story on the forum and I look forward to hearing your updates. Best wishes for a healthy tomorrow.
Thanks. I'm hoping to get back to the me I was.1 -
newdaydawning79 wrote: »Hi Valerie! I've been one of those that lost a bunch of weight and gained it back as well. I weighed myself on Wednesday and nearly wanted to cry when I was back up to over 300 (302 to be exact). I know I can do this, I've done it before...I just need to get into the right mindset and not to let myself get sidetracked by stress and depression eating. That was a huge deal for me in this past year. I was forced into full menopause thanks to a cancer-required hysterectomy, and then some family medical issues caused me to go further into depression too. But I'm stronger than I think and I (and *we*) CAN do this! I'm sending you a friend request and hopefully we can help keep each other on track!
Accepted. Let's do it!0 -
Sounds like you know what it takes and how to do it... add in some supportive friends who can offer motivation and inspiration and you should find yourself in a much better place to achieve your goals. Make sure to take Progress pictures... as hard as it is for you right now, You will be thankful for them later. Pictures can show you change when the scale may not. If you haven't already, consider purchasing a digital food scale so you can weigh your food... what we often think is a serving can be far from it. Set short term goals.. they will help you push forward. I can't begin to tell you how much time I have spent on the Motivation and Support board and on Pinterest reading motivational posts/quotes. They do help. You've made the decision and you can do this!! You can make it happen!! You've got the control and power!! I have faith in you!! You can do this!!1
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ChelleDee07 wrote: »Sounds like you know what it takes and how to do it... add in some supportive friends who can offer motivation and inspiration and you should find yourself in a much better place to achieve your goals. Make sure to take Progress pictures... as hard as it is for you right now, You will be thankful for them later. Pictures can show you change when the scale may not. If you haven't already, consider purchasing a digital food scale so you can weigh your food... what we often think is a serving can be far from it. Set short term goals.. they will help you push forward. I can't begin to tell you how much time I have spent on the Motivation and Support board and on Pinterest reading motivational posts/quotes. They do help. You've made the decision and you can do this!! You can make it happen!! You've got the control and power!! I have faith in you!! You can do this!!
I have a scale and have been weighing food again.1 -
Zeebopbiddlywop wrote: »ChelleDee07 wrote: »Sounds like you know what it takes and how to do it... add in some supportive friends who can offer motivation and inspiration and you should find yourself in a much better place to achieve your goals. Make sure to take Progress pictures... as hard as it is for you right now, You will be thankful for them later. Pictures can show you change when the scale may not. If you haven't already, consider purchasing a digital food scale so you can weigh your food... what we often think is a serving can be far from it. Set short term goals.. they will help you push forward. I can't begin to tell you how much time I have spent on the Motivation and Support board and on Pinterest reading motivational posts/quotes. They do help. You've made the decision and you can do this!! You can make it happen!! You've got the control and power!! I have faith in you!! You can do this!!
I have a scale and have been weighing food again.
Awesome! The scale is a great source. You'll do great!!1 -
Hi Valerie. Well, been there, done that!! Most of my life I've been a big gal and my weight yo-yo'd all the time. I would lose some weight then life would throw me a curve ball and I'd eat to make myself feel better and the weight came back which made me feel like crap. My self esteem would be shot and I felt gross, ugly and a total failure. Then I joined MFP a few years ago and had some relative success as I was trying to look like a "normal human being" for my daughter's wedding. Somehow it wasn't quite enough because every time I look back at those pictures (from 4 years ago) I want to crawl under a rock from embarrassment! I was still so big!! So fast forward a few years..I left MFP, I gained all the weight back and then some, and then one day my doctor gave me news that if I continue to eat the way I was, I would get cirrhosis of the liver in no time. This gave me the incentive that if I could just lose the weight I could LIVE. So I joined a gym a year ago and started to change my eating habits. I've lost 40 pounds and people noticed and the compliments were just flying my way all the time. I felt really good until one day my old bad eating habits crept back and I gained back 10 pounds in a month. I felt disgusted with myself and a complete failure but then I remembered about MFP and tried again. I've only been back a few days but my "mojo" has returned just with the sheer fact that maybe I could find people that were like me...people that need to lose A LOT of weight...on MFP. When I read your story I found so many similarities that happened to me. I hope I can give you some comfort and support that you're not alone in this fight and hopefully we can keep each other motivated along with other MFP members. WE CAN DO THIS AGAIN!! I recently read a quote that really motivated me.."Wake up each day with determination and go to sleep with satisfaction" !! Please keep your confidence going strong!! Take care and hope to hear back from you! All the best!!1
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Hi Valerie. Well, been there, done that!! Most of my life I've been a big gal and my weight yo-yo'd all the time. I would lose some weight then life would throw me a curve ball and I'd eat to make myself feel better and the weight came back which made me feel like crap. My self esteem would be shot and I felt gross, ugly and a total failure. Then I joined MFP a few years ago and had some relative success as I was trying to look like a "normal human being" for my daughter's wedding. Somehow it wasn't quite enough because every time I look back at those pictures (from 4 years ago) I want to crawl under a rock from embarrassment! I was still so big!! So fast forward a few years..I left MFP, I gained all the weight back and then some, and then one day my doctor gave me news that if I continue to eat the way I was, I would get cirrhosis of the liver in no time. This gave me the incentive that if I could just lose the weight I could LIVE. So I joined a gym a year ago and started to change my eating habits. I've lost 40 pounds and people noticed and the compliments were just flying my way all the time. I felt really good until one day my old bad eating habits crept back and I gained back 10 pounds in a month. I felt disgusted with myself and a complete failure but then I remembered about MFP and tried again. I've only been back a few days but my "mojo" has returned just with the sheer fact that maybe I could find people that were like me...people that need to lose A LOT of weight...on MFP. When I read your story I found so many similarities that happened to me. I hope I can give you some comfort and support that you're not alone in this fight and hopefully we can keep each other motivated along with other MFP members. WE CAN DO THIS AGAIN!! I recently read a quote that really motivated me.."Wake up each day with determination and go to sleep with satisfaction" !! Please keep your confidence going strong!! Take care and hope to hear back from you! All the best!!
I added you0 -
You’ve already taken your first steps back to healthy, you’ve got this! I was the heaviest I’ve ever been when I started (324) and am definitely looking to lose weight in a healthy and manageable way as well.1
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glassyvibesound wrote: »Physical job really helps to stay fit easily... I gave up my job about a year ago because my husband makes enough so I don't have to work and since then, gained a lot of weight and I just can't make myself going to a gym constantly or follow a strict diet. Just so you understand how bad things are, about two months ago I've bought two dresses on https://www.lilylulufashion.com/ and now one of them doesn't fit at all and the other just looks not that good. I am angry at myself about it and I really want to change the situation.
I have 3 overfull garbage bags of clothes that no longer fit. So depressing.0 -
Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself. I hope this doesn’t come off as preachy but your worth as a person doesn’t come from the exterior, first, you need to strengthen yourself mentally and see yourself as you really want to be seen. Not by others, but by you only. We are all on here to better ourselves in many ways. Seek out opportunities to make friends with others to see how they cope with weight, personal issues, and what weight loss means to them and yourself. You’re taking the right steps and hands down there is no better place to start than here, in my opinion. The sense of community and friendship you will find here is something you won’t find anywhere else. You will run into some who aren’t on the same page as you, and that’s okay. Put your best foot forward and keep yourself accountable. Motivation will only get you so far, this is a lifestyle change, as you experienced before, and consistency is key. You are loved and you are worth more than you could possibly imagine. You hit a rough patch and that’s okay too. You are now taking huge steps already in recognizing the need to live a healthy life and develop a healthy mind and habits that will lead you to success in weight loss and many other things too. Don’t be worried about what others think because no one wants to see you fail. And if they do, they shouldn’t be on this journey with you. You’re amazing! Don’t forget that. You are unique and special in every way and don’t think otherwise. I know, easier said than done. Start now writing our goals, completing an action plan, and stick to it. Like you said, you know this works, the only person stopping you is yourself. Let me and Amy one on here know how we can help, we are all glad to be there for you because that is what this community is all about 😊1
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