Still having trouble with my eating.

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anl90
anl90 Posts: 928 Member
in Food and Nutrition
Hey there everyone,

About a month ago, I had bariatric surgery, and I thought I was doing well, but my husband thinks I might be eating too much. I have noticed I still have super strong cravings, and I keep wanting to eat all the time. Does anyone who has went/is going through the same experience have any suggestions on overcoming this? I just really do not want to fail, and I feel as though that is what is going to happen.

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,943 Member
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    First of all: Aren't you still under post-surgical care? Hasn't your medical team given you a calorie goal and a food plan? Weigh and measure your foods and liquids and stay within your goal then you have an answer for your husband. He "thinks" you "might" be eating too much? Log your food and stick to that - that's all the food you need.

    The other part of this is the habit/obsession with food being your entertainment and your mood regulator.

    Again, aren't you in follow-up psychiatric care? I can't imagine any reputable bariatric surgeon who would just leave you to flounder with your life-long anxiety. Are you going to your meetings or counselling?
  • anl90
    anl90 Posts: 928 Member
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    janejellyroll wrote: »
    If you have had surgery, you should have guidance on what to eat and how much to eat from your treatment team. Do they think you're eating too much?

    I have a post-op appointment this upcoming week, when I had my first one they said I was doing well. But that was only a week out. I just feel like I am doing something wrong, idk. I might just be paranoid.
  • anl90
    anl90 Posts: 928 Member
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    cmriverside wrote: »
    First of all: Aren't you still under post-surgical care? Hasn't your medical team given you a calorie goal and a food plan? Weigh and measure your foods and liquids and stay within your goal then you have an answer for your husband. He "thinks" you "might" be eating too much? Log your food and stick to that - that's all the food you need.

    The other part of this is the habit/obsession with food being your entertainment and your mood regulator.

    Again, aren't you in follow-up psychiatric care? I can't imagine any reputable bariatric surgeon who would just leave you to flounder with your life-long anxiety. Are you going to your meetings or counselling?

    I have follow-up appointments, but as far as meetings and whatnot go, that is not something I have done yet. My husband is basing this on what he sees, he says compared to him I eat more. (He had the surgery a week before me.) I am part of support groups and whatnot on social media, but I guess I feel more comfortable talking on here.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    anl90 wrote: »
    cmriverside wrote: »
    First of all: Aren't you still under post-surgical care? Hasn't your medical team given you a calorie goal and a food plan? Weigh and measure your foods and liquids and stay within your goal then you have an answer for your husband. He "thinks" you "might" be eating too much? Log your food and stick to that - that's all the food you need.

    The other part of this is the habit/obsession with food being your entertainment and your mood regulator.

    Again, aren't you in follow-up psychiatric care? I can't imagine any reputable bariatric surgeon who would just leave you to flounder with your life-long anxiety. Are you going to your meetings or counselling?

    I have follow-up appointments, but as far as meetings and whatnot go, that is not something I have done yet. My husband is basing this on what he sees, he says compared to him I eat more. (He had the surgery a week before me.) I am part of support groups and whatnot on social media, but I guess I feel more comfortable talking on here.

    Do you find it useful to have your husband monitor your diet in this way?

    I ask because I personally would find this unhelpful, but I know that marriages and circumstances are different.
  • anl90
    anl90 Posts: 928 Member
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    janejellyroll wrote: »
    anl90 wrote: »
    cmriverside wrote: »
    First of all: Aren't you still under post-surgical care? Hasn't your medical team given you a calorie goal and a food plan? Weigh and measure your foods and liquids and stay within your goal then you have an answer for your husband. He "thinks" you "might" be eating too much? Log your food and stick to that - that's all the food you need.

    The other part of this is the habit/obsession with food being your entertainment and your mood regulator.

    Again, aren't you in follow-up psychiatric care? I can't imagine any reputable bariatric surgeon who would just leave you to flounder with your life-long anxiety. Are you going to your meetings or counselling?

    I have follow-up appointments, but as far as meetings and whatnot go, that is not something I have done yet. My husband is basing this on what he sees, he says compared to him I eat more. (He had the surgery a week before me.) I am part of support groups and whatnot on social media, but I guess I feel more comfortable talking on here.

    Do you find it useful to have your husband monitor your diet in this way?

    I ask because I personally would find this unhelpful, but I know that marriages and circumstances are different.

    If I am being totally honest, it does not help me that much. It is what makes me feel like I am failing. Maybe I am. I don't know anymore, I guess I will know where I stand when I have my next appointment. :/
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    edited January 2019
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    anl90 wrote: »
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    anl90 wrote: »
    cmriverside wrote: »
    First of all: Aren't you still under post-surgical care? Hasn't your medical team given you a calorie goal and a food plan? Weigh and measure your foods and liquids and stay within your goal then you have an answer for your husband. He "thinks" you "might" be eating too much? Log your food and stick to that - that's all the food you need.

    The other part of this is the habit/obsession with food being your entertainment and your mood regulator.

    Again, aren't you in follow-up psychiatric care? I can't imagine any reputable bariatric surgeon who would just leave you to flounder with your life-long anxiety. Are you going to your meetings or counselling?

    I have follow-up appointments, but as far as meetings and whatnot go, that is not something I have done yet. My husband is basing this on what he sees, he says compared to him I eat more. (He had the surgery a week before me.) I am part of support groups and whatnot on social media, but I guess I feel more comfortable talking on here.

    Do you find it useful to have your husband monitor your diet in this way?

    I ask because I personally would find this unhelpful, but I know that marriages and circumstances are different.

    If I am being totally honest, it does not help me that much. It is what makes me feel like I am failing. Maybe I am. I don't know anymore, I guess I will know where I stand when I have my next appointment. :/

    Yeah, I personally would think of this has two different issues.

    1. Am I eating too much? (I would tackle this with my treatment team)
    2. How can I communicate to my husband how to best support me?

    If his comments are coming from a place of worry or concern, it may help him to know that you take it seriously and that you plan on discussing it with your treatment team when you next see them, but that these are the best ways for him to support you (insert a list of a few ways he can make you best feel supported in the context of your particular relationship).

    That's just my take. Good luck! It doesn't sound like you're failing. You're thinking about this seriously and you already plan on talking to your team. That isn't how failures respond in my experience!
  • whathapnd
    whathapnd Posts: 1,233 Member
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    If I am being totally honest, it does not help me that much. It is what makes me feel like I am failing. Maybe I am. I don't know anymore, I guess I will know where I stand when I have my next appointment. :/ [/quote]

    Good advice above.

    The only thing I will add is to try to separate objective data from subjective data/feelings. You've been given a food plan, and if you're weighing/measuring you'll know whether you're complying. F you are, then you're "winning" at being compliant with doctors orders. That's completely objective and measurable. Maybe seeing the actual data will help remove the subjective feelings. Facts are facts, so if you're compliant but still feeling like a failure, it's stemming from something besides the amount of food you're eating.

    I hope your husband's comments are from a place of concern. Though you may be doing it under the same roof and have similar food goals, you each have your own road to travel. It's not a competition.

    Good luck!
  • namelesshere
    namelesshere Posts: 334 Member
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    Your treatment team should be able to answer your questions, however, you will need to honest with them so if you have not already, invest in a food scale and weigh and log everything. As for your husband, tell him you need him to stop commenting on your food intake because you are following what your treatment team and you have decided what is best for you- just as his treatment team has done for him. Remind him that everyone is different so therefore will have different food plans. Then invite him to take a walk with you to get some exercise. Keep in mind though that the number one failure of bariatric surgery is eating too much so make sure you do weigh and log everything you eat.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    are you eating per your team/doctors care and following their instructions to the letter? if so, tell your husband to shove off and keep his opinions to himself.

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