Others putting you down.

chef970
chef970 Posts: 196 Member
edited October 1 in Chit-Chat
ok, yesterday, i had a co-worker tell me that since i have been on my journey to get healthy, that i looked to thin and sick and that i looked better when i was fat. So, in return, i told her that if she put some weight in her "trunk", maybe she might get more men to notice her. her comment really irked the heck out of me and honesstly, i feel much better and i am moving a lot faster at work and at home, my libido has really begun to come back with a vengence, (sorry, honey...lol), but for me, in light of this comment to try to get me down, i just brushed it off and sneared at her the rest of the day...would that qualify as "an eye for an eye?" has anyone else had similar comments from other people, an if so, how did it make you feel and what did you do or say?

Replies

  • taem
    taem Posts: 495 Member
    Maybe she was hitting on you?
  • Roszepoo
    Roszepoo Posts: 46
    I think "brushing her off" and "snearing at her all day" are total opposites. You did not really brush her off. I loved that you had a come back, though. What was she thinking?? You have to wonder what her motive was.....
  • MrBrown72
    MrBrown72 Posts: 407 Member
    Sorry someone has to be above you to put you down. Otherwise it's just the jealous and the dissatisfied making noises. Not supposed to me much more of a distraction than the water buffalo lowing at sunset. You hear it the first few times, but after a while it's just background noise.
  • EuroDriver
    EuroDriver Posts: 254
    when i started bulking... people were asking if i was on roids.. (took it as a compliment..) now when im cutting people ask whats wrong.. if im sick cuz i look thinner.. but IMO i look alot better now sience my BF% is lower... u just have to look at ur future goals and ignore everyone around you, u r doing it for urself not some woman at work.. im sure ur going to start building muscle eventually and u will look alot better than u do now or ever have and people around you will still put you down because they cant even begin to imagine what kind of dedication and hard work it takes to have a nice healthy body...
  • chef970
    chef970 Posts: 196 Member
    i dont want to start a "race war" with anybody, this is not my intentions, but she is from Mexico, and her thinking is that her words are law in the work place. She is not a manager or superisor, just a line cook, just like me. She has the mentality that she has to be the center of attention with everything that goes on. other than work, i have no contact with her outside of the job. but her comment to me felt like she was jealous because i am looking better than most at work.
  • BobbyDaniel
    BobbyDaniel Posts: 1,459 Member
    I'm a pastor and the people who I expected to support me the most, the church members, have been some of the most critical toward me in my weight loss. I've been told I look sickly, that I've lost too much weight and one lady still goes out of her way on a regular basis to snarl and tell me, "You're still skinny".
    Know that you have plenty of support here, you are doing what you need to do for better health and a better life and a big congrats from me!
  • shelby456
    shelby456 Posts: 6
    It's her problem not yours' and i say' well done for losing the weight and keeping off....:smile:
  • bookworm03
    bookworm03 Posts: 88 Member
    I've had similar comments in the past. I've had rumors spread that I turned into a coke head as well as being brought bags of food by people thinking the weight loss was due to not being able to afford food. I've noticed with several of my friends that many do almost appear sick while losing weight. I think is just takes getting used to seeing them different. I chose to always take it as a compliment.
  • BRANDYLYNETTE
    BRANDYLYNETTE Posts: 192 Member
    Same thing has happend to me. YEsterday at work, someone said, "You've lost ALOT.....ALOT....of weight. Are you......ummmm okay? Then gave me a sad little face. Im thinking....Im not annorexic....Im 165 pounds! But, I just looked at her and said..."Ummm.....Im dieting....".......it was very weird.

    My husband has lost 60 pounds and a guy came up to him and asked him if he was sick....because he has been on a DIET team at work....trying to lose weight...and he hadnt lost half of what my husband has. My husband was a little irritated. HE told me that people just dont believe you can lose weight by cutting calories back and eating healthy. It works. Period. Sorry to those other people who have no self control. Eat less...get some exercise in...and you will be on your road to success!

    Ignore people. Dont be rude back to them. Be the better person....and just smile....and move on with your day. : )
  • cherylwimmers
    cherylwimmers Posts: 14 Member
    I would not let that kind of negativism affect you. Just keep living a healthy lifestyle. I also wouldn't try for the snide comebacks, that just breeds the kind of behaviours that are not helpful.

    Keep doing what you are doing!
  • StrengthIDidntKnow
    StrengthIDidntKnow Posts: 543 Member
    While I was nursing, we found out my daughter had a milk and soy allergy. I couldn't eat anything that even had either one of those ingredients listed. The "benefit" was that I was eating very naturally and healthy and lost the baby weight and then some. One day, 3 of my coworkers spent our entire lunch, discussing how fat I used to be. It has been a few years and it still makes me feel bad. Esp since I didn't say anything at the time.
  • missbuterfly
    missbuterfly Posts: 18
    Ive lost 105 lbs in the past 16 months, along with that I lost people that I thought were friends. Ive heard it all trust me, even my husband has had comments made to him like "I bet her boyfriend is enjoying that" which made me mad on so many levels! I get told I look sick, or Im have to be using diet pills,( which IM NOT) I was walking my neighborhood but started going to a local track instead then the neighbors came by and wanted to know if I was gaining it back since I wasnt exercising.
    I use it as energy! Just makes me want it that much more and work that much harder! Ive also noticed its people that are way overweight themselves they dont want to make the effort themselves so they have to try to bring ya down. Well I fought my way out of my "fat" cocoon now Im a butterfly they can watch me fly!
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
    Honestly, I don't know what it is with people. My husband lost about 20 pounds last year, and he looks terrific. He didn't look bad before; he started at 6 feet tall and about 180, and looked just fine to me; now he's 6 feet tall and about 160, and looks AWESOME to me. And yet, just yesterday someone told me he looks too skinny and I need to feed him more. ? He is by no means underweight.

    Maybe our idea of what a "healthy weight" looks like has gotten all out of whack.

    But I don't know how to account for people who disguise a slam as "concern for your health."

    Some people are just rude.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Wow, I don't know what I would say. Being me, I am usually polite and I probably would have smiled but in the inside I would be calling her a c*nt!!!!!!!!! I try not to explode in the workplace.
  • jbdowns35
    jbdowns35 Posts: 352
    A couple of years ago, I was on a health kick & weighed 133, with BF 17%. I was getting ready for a beach vacation & wanted to look nice in a bikini. I was very healthy & fit, lost by eating right & exercising. Alot of people started to make comments about how I was 'too' skinny, was I sick, anorexic? It ticked me off. I was at athlete status, healthiest I ever was, feeling great about myself for a change & still had to hear negative feedback from people. What made it worse is that when I went to the beach, I traveled with 2 other families. The other women that went, while both good friends of mine inadvertently made me feel self concience. They were both a bit older than me & atleast 20 lbs over weight (although I thought they looked great) They jokingly made comments about my bikini body & that their husbands were checking me out. (they weren't) I know they were just joking, but I ended up wearing cover-ups & I wasn't feeling too great about my body even though I worked so hard to feel good about my body, I wanted to walk around the beach with my boyfriend, confident about how I looked. Didn't work out that way. I still enjoyed my vacation, but it was a weird situation to be in. Now I am 138 & 24%BF. I'm working to get back to what I was 2 years ago, I don't care what people say. If someone says I'm too skinny, I'll just say, no, I'm healthy.
  • calibri
    calibri Posts: 439 Member
    A lot of people (especially in America) very rarely see someone with a healthy body, so they don't have the right mindset to gauge what looks right and what is too far. Usually you use yourself as the basis of comparison ("normal" if you will), so if they are on the larger side, everyone who is smaller looks "anorexic" to them.
  • chef970
    chef970 Posts: 196 Member
    Do you all feel that since society has labled a person of a large size, morbidly obeese, and that person has lost a considerable amount of weight to get to the healthy range, that society then lables them as a drug user or something else, because, outside of the Army when i dropped weight, i have been heavy most of my adult life, but now that im looking good and feeling healthier, it seems that everybody thinks something is wrong. But i do know better, i know what im doing is bettering my life as well as for my wife. I have dropped 20lbs since joining MFP and this is much better than any drug, better than any program out there. in the end, it is a mind set for me to get healthy and live longer.

    Thanks for all the support you all have given me in this journey. Big hugs to every member of MFP!!!!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Doesn't it seems like its always the people who aren't willing to work hard to get in shape or lose weight that make these comments? I have a friend who always trots out the "be CAREFUL" comment every time I'm increasing my fitness routine or start seeing consistent results on the scale. If I turn down dessert, its "well, you can't deny yourself everything..gotta live a little", but what she doesn't understand is that its not hard to deny it....I don't even want the junk food because my body isn't craving it anymore.

    Anyway...just blow off the comments from people like that...its not worth responding!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    No one within arms reach of me or anyone with the likelihood of being within arms reach of me has made a disparaging remark that I can recall.
  • kwaters7
    kwaters7 Posts: 129
    yeah, agree totally with calibri and heidi. I think folks have a distorted perception of healthy weight now everyone is bigger. and that you make people who dont eat well or workout uncomfortable - you hold up a mirror to them.
  • MsEmmy
    MsEmmy Posts: 254 Member
    I think people WANT to think there's something wrong with colleagues who are becoming a healthy weight, because if they think it is a result of a healthy diet and exercise the next question they have to ask themselves is 'Why have I not done that, then?' They don't like the answer (that they don't yet have the motivation/ inclination to be healthy) so satisfy themselves by thinking that the smaller person must be in some way abnormal. Does that make sense? It is easier for someone to think there is something wrong with YOU than to take a long hard look at themselves as being overweight and do something about it.

    I saw a similar thread on here a few weeks and the best comeback to all the skinny/ are you sick accusations was to ask right back: ''Where was the concern when I was eating myself to death?''
  • chef970
    chef970 Posts: 196 Member
    thank you all, my MFP friends for letting me rant and for the ongoing support you all have showed...Big hugs to all
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
    Another thing that's going on is Envy.

    Many people become envious of your success. They know you are realizing the fruit-age of your hard work, it is physically evident.

    Other people also can be a little intimidated by the success you are achieving. People who know you; they reflect on their lives, their lack of achievement, and become a little resentful. Its more about them, your success reminds them of their failings.

    Most of your friends and acquaintances are happy for you, genuinely proud of your success, and celebrate it with you. Strangers perceive your success through your demeanor. It's the few who are intimidated and envious. It happens.
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