Suggestions? My folks are paranoid

ninerfan83
ninerfan83 Posts: 3 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hey all. First-time poster :) I started my journey to get leaner about 8 months ago and have lost about 20 pounds in that time. I'm working towards a BF % of somewhere in the low 20's or to the point at which I obtain a bit less of a fatty midsection/hips/*kitten*. I certainly know that I cannot spot reduce, but I also know that I am still carrying more body fat than I am comfortable with. A this point, my focus is not on losing weight, but fat. In other words, the number on the scale is not so important to me.

Here is my issue: my parents are paranoid that I am becoming too skinny and/or obsessed with weight loss, despite my assurances to the contrary. I know this is because my twin sister dealt with an ED about a decade ago after developing obsessive food behaviors while using WW and both of them are petrified that the same thing will happen to me. My mother has had her own issues with food and weight loss and has used WW off and since she was 13 years old (!) (she's now in her late 60's). She is constantly worried about the same two pounds that she gains and loses, despite my attempts to explain to her that those two-pound daily fluctuations are likely water weight and she shouldn't worry about it.

Both are still not thrilled with my efforts despite me not showing any signs of disordered eating, which I know is because of their experiences with my sister. Also, I am at a place where I am significantly more knowledgeable than them about healthy eating habits, calories deficits, diet breaks, maintaining muscle mass and getting leaner, so many of their worries are based on their lack of knowledge. I'm doing my best to educate them, but they're still worried. Any suggestions as to how to calm their fears? It would be nice to have a little more support and have them be happy for my progress. I was thinking about maybe something as simple as printing out a list of signs that one is developing an ED and going through each item with my folks to explain how none apply to me.

Replies

  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    You sound very sensible, and, under the circumstances, I can certainly understand your parents' heightened concern level.

    May I ask how old you are?
  • Teabythesea_
    Teabythesea_ Posts: 559 Member
    The list is a good idea. Another idea may be to have a night a week or every couple weeks where you come over and cook dinner with them or go out to eat together. When I visit my parents I take as many opportunities as I can to cook for them and make treats, sort of as a way to show them even though my habits and diet are different I still eat well and enough. Them only seeing me a couple times in the past 2 years where I have managed to gain 30 lbs, lose it and then some, then gain back 15 of them by lifting raised concerns. Interestingly enough they were way more concerned when I got back down to a healthy weight and began lifting than they ever were when I was overweight... but I digress. Hopefully over time they will see that there is nothing to be concerned about.
  • brightresolve
    brightresolve Posts: 1,024 Member
    My mom was worried about my running when I was in my late 40's. Much of this was generational for her, she was not of the "we work out" generation though she focused on weight much like your mother does. Some was projection, she couldn't imagine running even a mile, so me+26.2 was a combination she could not process. Something seemed to shift for her the day she rode with my niece and daughter to pick me up at the endpoint of a 20-mile training run ... Riding that far, seeing me perfectly okay at the other end, made her realize I was doing something that was WAY more attainable than she had thought.

    Describing what you are doing for health / strength / strong nutrition instead of mentioning weight loss may help them see you don't have unhealthy goals. If you participate in an event or sport or challenge of some type, sharing about that might help them see that lots of people care this much about health and fitness.

    And CONGRATS on your healthy lifestyle!!
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    What is your current height weight and BF? Perhaps just tell them you're not on a weight loss diet any longer and then stop talking about it?
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    I would just tell them that you are aware of their concern about disordered eating and behaviors based on family history but you are not actually pursing weight loss in an unhealthy way nor do you have unhealthy goals or thoughts. You can show them food logs, introduce them to the gym staff, etc. Have you seen a doctor during your weight loss process? Maybe you could get a checkup if you have not and let them know your results.

    Suggest they seek some therapy to work through their constant fears on this topic. It obviously impacted them very deeply and they are seeing problems where there aren't any. This kind of constant fear isn't rational so they have to come to realize it is their anxiety not reality.


  • Tacklewasher
    Tacklewasher Posts: 7,122 Member
    ninerfan83 wrote: »
    Hey all, thanks for the suggestions. I'm 5' 6'', currently about 134-135 lbs, with a BF % of approx. 26/27 %. My parents' concerns are not causing me to doubt what I am doing- I'm pretty confident that I'm doing what is right for my health and that I am doing it in the safest and most sustainable way. Plus, I have a wonderful support system at my gym with a lot of really knowledgeable people. My issue is more trying to figure out how to spare them the constant worry that they had to deal with at the height of my sister's ED. Understandably, it was a very hard time for them.

    Make sure to time your cheat day/diet breaks or whatever you call it when you are seeing them. :)
  • eatyogarun
    eatyogarun Posts: 59 Member
    edited January 2019
    Do you live with them? You said that you're 35. Just stop discussing it with them. Don't mention your gym visits or your diet or any of it. Talk about other things.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    rheddmobile wrote: »
    You could ask your doctor to have a phone call with your mom, if you have the right sort of relationship with your regular doctor.

    Yes, the Appeal to Authority :)

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