How Do I Break the Cycle?

Overcomer2019
Overcomer2019 Posts: 8 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have struggled with losing weight for most of my adult life. In fact, I've spent the past 10 years gaining more than losing. The most I've ever lost was 20 pounds, but I gained it back plus another 20. I'm in a bad place today. Yesterday I was in a good place. The good days are never quite good enough to propel me to be 100% focused, and the bad days are bad enough that I am ready to throw it all in the towel and continue being unhealthy even though I don't like being unhealthy.

But do I really dislike being unhealthy? I think that if I was truly unhappy, then I would do something about it. Yet, it's like an addiction or a poison that just keeps drawing me in and taking me further and further away from where I want to be. I want so badly to break the cycle, but I say that after I've just eaten a brownie cookie. And I'm probably going to go eat some chocolate after I type this. Why? Because I'm angry, I'm frustrated and I'm upset - all with myself. So I'll punish myself and then deal with the guilt and then try to do better only to mess up and repeat the cycle.

Here's the reality: I know EXACTLY what I need to do to lose weight. I could write a book on the subject. I just don't do it. What I don't know is how to break the cycle? How do I simply move forward and continue to move forward? From my experience motivation is fleeting. Nothing is a constant drive for me. Not even the fact that my life will be shortened if I continue on this path, because I just tell myself I'll start tomorrow. Well, now it's been 10 years and if I keep going in this direction, I'm going to miss out on the best life I can have.

How can I break this cycle? How do I make the mental switch to actually do this?

Replies

  • foxtrot1965
    foxtrot1965 Posts: 133 Member
    What is stopping you? Are you unmotivated at work? Are you afraid of failure? Maybe all the rebounds have you thinking it's not fully worth it. Maybe try something new to spice things up. A new workout class, a new sport, even a new way of eating. I recently started IF and I love it. I know it is all CICO (play that broken record) but this is different and it's working for me.
  • Overcomer2019
    Overcomer2019 Posts: 8 Member
    foxtrot1965 wrote: »
    What is stopping you? Are you unmotivated at work? Are you afraid of failure? Maybe all the rebounds have you thinking it's not fully worth it. Maybe try something new to spice things up. A new workout class, a new sport, even a new way of eating. I recently started IF and I love it. I know it is all CICO (play that broken record) but this is different and it's working for me.

    I love my job and I'm totally motivated there so that's not a problem. I think you're right - all the rebounds have messed with my mind and now I'm afraid I'll fail. Because I have set myself up so many times, and failed so many times that I don't think I'll succeed so why try? I can block that out for a day or two, but long term it never lasts.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,534 Member
    edited January 2019
    A couple of things. Maybe you don’t know what to do. I found that the things that got me from 285 lbs to 215, weren’t much help getting lower. I had to face up to the fact that I was in uncharted waters. Every time is different every step is different. And it’s ok. If you don’t make this time different, you’ll end up like all the other times.

    And what’s your experience with keeping a food diary? Is it too much trouble from the start? Or do you quit when you go over your number? What’s your longest run tracking? Why do you stop?

    Seems like this is something you haven’t figured out- how to keep going when your brain tells you to quit. Keep trying.

    And you’re right motivation is fleeting and unreliable. Try determination. Motivation only starts a project, determination sees it through to the end.
  • Amaris_89
    Amaris_89 Posts: 10 Member
    What if you broke it down into a smaller task? So instead of saying oh I have to do this now forever and always until I reach X weight, just say I'm going to go for a walk two days a week and I'm going to meal prep healthy lunches all week. No pressure for breakfast or dinner, just focus on lunch being healthy. If you like brownies just plan your week around the fact that you'll have one every Friday, or whatever, but then stay away from them on other days? Just thinking that sometimes you just can't do everything at once and small but consistent change that can inspire you to do more as you progress is surely better than no change at all?
  • kimny72
    kimny72 Posts: 16,011 Member
    edited January 2019
    Are you trying to do too much? Are you cutting out all your fave foods? Picking the most aggressive weight loss goal? Expecting yourself to do a 1 hr workout every day? Holding yourself to lists of rules and limits? Deciding to quit when you aren't perfect?

    Because you don't have to do any of that to be successful. In fact, you're less likely to be successful if that's how you roll :wink:

    Have you read the Most Helpful Posts threads pinned to the top of each forum? Lots of great info there. Good luck!
  • Overcomer2019
    Overcomer2019 Posts: 8 Member
    Thanks everyone. I agree with the consensus. Something hasn't clicked in my brain. I'm expecting it to be one way, but in reality it's another. I think I can just want to lose weight and so it shall be. I know that sounds stupid, but wanting and doing are two different things. I think I just need to buckle down and do.

    Maybe this week I'll just focus on logging my calories.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,534 Member
    Absolutely, wanting and doing are two different things. The great weight loss irony is there is no thing to do that is losing weight. If I say I’m washing the car, we all have a picture in our heads of what I’m doing. If I’m losing weight what am I doing?

    Weight loss is just a by-product of doing other stuff. I think you’re right on track. Logging your food is the #1 thing to do.
  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
    I've actually been saying this a lot recently, but the thing that has helped me the most is making the good habit the goal, rather than the result. You would be surprised at how much better you feel from good habits before you even get to your goal weight, and how getting out of the good habits make you feel back at square one even though you're not actually at square one. It's not perfect, but I've had a lot more good days and easier days when I treat logging in my diary as the goal, and weight loss is merely a result of that.

    Weight loss and even fitness is just so slow, that it's not worthwhile to think about on a daily basis. The good habits that create that, however, can be accomplished on a day-to-day basis without being too overwhelming. Then, you can also focus on improving other parts of your life, like sleep, and it really compounds into better success overall instead of being hyperfocused on something that moves at a snail's pace. It's like watching water boil, lol.
  • vingogly
    vingogly Posts: 1,785 Member
    Overcomer2019 wrote: »
    How can I break this cycle? How do I make the mental switch to actually do this?

    Your answer's right here - the real battle isn't over what goes through your lips, it's over what's going on in the three pounds of grey pudding at the top of your head.

    Quit focusing on losing weight and focus instead on changing your relationship to food. To succeed long term, you have to address the psychology of eating. This site will help with that piece:

    http://diet.beckinstitute.org/
    http://diet.beckinstitute.org/newsletter/
    http://diet.beckinstitute.org/category/daily-diet-tips/

    They also have a Facebook page.
  • Running2Fit
    Running2Fit Posts: 702 Member
    Making small changes was really helpful for me. In the past I would try to overhaul my whole lifestyle overnight and that would work for like 1-2 weeks before I was completely burnt out and just went back to my old habits.

    Start with just logging all your calories. Don’t worry about macros or even eating all “healthy” foods. Once you have the logging down, then add 1 more change. Get that down and then add another. It’s a slow process.
  • BeGrandLike
    BeGrandLike Posts: 184 Member
    It sounds a lot to me like you're.. maybe going through a cycle of self-recrimination and punishing yourself. Which is both a really crap way to work towards a goal, and a really awful way to live, really.

    It's also incredibly hard to break that cycle.

    But I think it's important. Cause losing weight shouldn't be about punishing yourself! It should be about a process of valuing yourself. Of saying, y'know what? You're flippin' awesome, and you're worth missing out on a second slice of pizza for.

    I think that when we get into a cycle of punishing ourselves, we don't believe in ourselves and we catastrophise. And we end up being mean to ourselves in ways we'd never be to other people.

    If you aren't punishing yourself? Then a chocolate is just a chocolate. Log it in your food diary and move on. No big deal. If you're not punishing yourself, then a day when you end up eating at maintenance is just that- one single day out of 365 you get this year.

    If you're punishing yourself, then a chocolate is a sign that you're terrible and no good- and I'll bet there's a voice in your head saying that a terrible, no-good person doesn't deserve to make progress towards the body they want to have, right?

    So there's a thing I say to my friends when they're saying really self-deprecating things and being down on themselves. I'll say "hey, don't talk about my friend like that!". I know it's cheesy af, but: maybe start reminding yourself not to talk about your friend like that. Instead of recriminations, give yourself kindness. Instead of saying you're terrible, tell yourself that you're worth not having the whole chocolate bar. Or that you like the damn chocolate bar, so you're worth budgeting those calories in your daily allowance, and that you're worth enjoying every single last delicious bite!


    And also? I think that so many people wait "until" they get to their goal weight to start living their best lives. Sod that! Start living your best life right now. You're exactly the same person you'll be when you get to your goal weight, just with a different number on the scale. I'll bet loads of the things you want to do to live your best life are healthy things- so do 'em! Don't wait! Do 'em, and be kind to yourself. Figure out a way to keep your calories-in lower than your calories-out that is relatively easy and sustainable. (Me, I like to time-restrict my eating so I don't have to think about it most of the day. Other people find something else works. Experiment!) And enjoy your life while you're on the journey!

    Best of luck!

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