Eating Disorder

StellaBby10
StellaBby10 Posts: 108
edited October 1 in Motivation and Support
Okay so I am kind of starting to get worried so I really need your advice, support, ANYTHING. When I was about 17, I was annerexic. I was tiny. I ate about 5 crackers dipped in ranch everyday and that was IT! Even though I was tiny I literally still thought I was beyond obese. I feel the same about myself now dispite what everyone tells me. My mom finally realized what was going on and said that if I don't stop on my own then she was going to send me to rehab. I decided to go to counseling and do it on my own. I succeeded in stopping however the counseling did NOTHING for my mindset on how I think I look. ( No, I don't think I'm ugly and I'm not this miserable person. I just think I am super overweight. Don't judge or critisize me please. It's a problem I've had my whole life. I don't see what other people see.)

Now that I have started dieting and thinking about my weight all the time again, I am having the same feelings as I did when I became annerexic. I feel like everytime I eat I feel guilty. If I even get CLOSE to going over my 1200 calories I feel like a fatty and am so miserable. And the fact that I am not seeing any changes yet and am afraid that I wont see them (even if they are happeneing) is making me worry that I could become annerexic again. Not only am I trying to eat as little calories as possible but I am also feeling guilty when I miss one day of working out. I really don't know how to change my mindset to NOT let this happen again!!!

(And yes, I know the more calories you eat the better cuz you will see results faster and speed up ur metabolism. I know this already. The problem with me is not lack of knowledge on HOW to loose weight. I look at food as being evil.)

Replies

  • Brannock8
    Brannock8 Posts: 170 Member
    Hi, I really can't give advice 'cause I don't have the experience too, but maybe you should talk to someone again who does know how to help. Definetely here for you in anyway I can be though, and you really do look great!
  • alexandradeyl
    alexandradeyl Posts: 67 Member
    i can relate. you absolutely need to get help. anorexia and other disorders will kill you.
  • jolteon00
    jolteon00 Posts: 89
    I hate to tell you this, but no one here can help you. Go counselor-hunting. I promise you they're not all the same. A friend of mine had one counselor tell her she didn't think she needed to see her anymore... when my friend had a date set to kill herself two weeks after that. Another therapist really helped her out. You just have to keep looking around until you can find someone who really helps you change your mindset, not just your habits, because you will struggle with this forever, whether you're at a healthy weight or not.

    I wish you all the best. <3

    EDIT: Let me just say, it shows a LOT of strength that you're aware that this is becoming unhealthy again and that you want to stop it. You are SO strong already.
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
    your ticker says you want to lose 45. Your pictures don't show you should lose even 10. Seriously, get to an eating disorder specialist. NOW.
  • trud72
    trud72 Posts: 1,912 Member
    right have you talked to a dr about this there are some super methods they can put in place these days to help people like you! and before you i am not judging you my sister is anorxicix(omg cant spell)! but at the same time she also has belimia! go figure that one out...
    but i am serious tho when i say about seeing advice from a dr...worst he can say?????????? omg you skinny thing?dont be silly...well there you go...
    go on try it...my sister never got the help she needed...so you please do...before it's too late :) yes?
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    You already know everything you need to about weight, how to lose and and that your mind is working against you, it's not your diet you need to get control of, it's your mindset about yourself and your nutrition and for that you really do need to see a specialist. There will be no diet or way of eating that will every satisfy you, you have to work on that from within. Good Luck
  • hjfischer
    hjfischer Posts: 250
    I suffered from anorexia and bulemia from 13-25. I know it is painful and hard to overcome. I was hospitalized for 2 weeks and spend over a year in therapy. I believe you need therapy. A group or counselor to work through your feelings. Being on a site like this may not be the best thing for you. You need to come to terms with your inner feelings and anxiety. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you can find a therapist or counselor in your area to help. If you need help finding someone, please friend me and I will e-mail you information. I am now 38 years old and have 4 kids. You can have a healthy life.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I think you need to get back into counseling, stat.

    I'm no psychiatrist or whatever, but from everything I've read about eating disorders, if you're this obsessive, it's best for you to not be tracking your calories right now -- at least until you're in a more stable mindset.

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you find the help you need and truly recover.
  • StellaBby10
    StellaBby10 Posts: 108
    Thanks for all of the replies and concern! The thing is I want to loose some weight more than anything and according to the military, they think I need to be in a little bit better shape too. Their requirements are pretty strict!! But what makes it hard is that I dont WANT to eat more because then I am NEVER going to get to my goal weight )=

    I am not saying that I am trying to starve myself again. I just remember how easy it was and I have the same feelings of wanting to NOT eat. At this point I am saying I am not going to become annerexic again. But, I am just a little worried that once I start seeing myself loose a good amount of weight, I will get a little overly excited and start pushin it when it comes to eating less. It's just a scary feeling..

    But, I totally agree with you guys about maybe talking to someone. Yall are right. But most counselers get off work when I do and my schedual is NOT, by any means, flexible at all. Lol - we will see how it goes. I am deffinatly going to take yalls advice into consideration though!!

    Thanks guys..
  • StellaBby10
    StellaBby10 Posts: 108
    I hate to tell you this, but no one here can help you. Go counselor-hunting. I promise you they're not all the same. A friend of mine had one counselor tell her she didn't think she needed to see her anymore... when my friend had a date set to kill herself two weeks after that. Another therapist really helped her out. You just have to keep looking around until you can find someone who really helps you change your mindset, not just your habits, because you will struggle with this forever, whether you're at a healthy weight or not.

    I wish you all the best. <3

    EDIT: Let me just say, it shows a LOT of strength that you're aware that this is becoming unhealthy again and that you want to stop it. You are SO strong already.

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS COMMENT.... I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT. I ASSUMED THEY WERE ALL THE SAME LOL... AND I REALLY REALLY THANK YOU FOR THE 'EDIT' PART THAT MADE ME SMILE. (=
  • KateCon912
    KateCon912 Posts: 200 Member
    Thanks for all of the replies and concern! The thing is I want to loose some weight more than anything and according to the military, they think I need to be in a little bit better shape too. Their requirements are pretty strict!! But what makes it hard is that I dont WANT to eat more because then I am NEVER going to get to my goal weight )=

    I am not saying that I am trying to starve myself again. I just remember how easy it was and I have the same feelings of wanting to NOT eat. At this point I am saying I am not going to become annerexic again. But, I am just a little worried that once I start seeing myself loose a good amount of weight, I will get a little overly excited and start pushin it when it comes to eating less. It's just a scary feeling..

    But, I totally agree with you guys about maybe talking to someone. Yall are right. But most counselers get off work when I do and my schedual is NOT, by any means, flexible at all. Lol - we will see how it goes. I am deffinatly going to take yalls advice into consideration though!!

    Thanks guys..

    Keep looking for a counselor with better hours. I went to one who owned her own counseling business and got to choose her own hours depending on what her clients needed. I would schedule around 6 or 7 pm and that was always fine for her. So I'm sure there is someone out there who can help you and fit your schedule!
  • StellaBby10
    StellaBby10 Posts: 108
    GREAT. I WILL TRY MY BEST IF I FEEL I AM GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I CANT CONTROL IT.
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