New(ish) member--back at it

I'm back at it. I can't even recognize myself in pictures. I've gained so much weight and feel so horrible it's disgusting. I literally went from playing hockey three times a week, to nothing as I was injured. I had a major surgery on my hand and was in a cast for almost 3 months, and I am still in occupational therapy (8 months later).

I then had another semi-invasive surgery (non-related to hand), that had me out for 6 weeks.

I've finally been cleared to exercise, but I can't believe how far I've let myself go. I've gained over 45 pounds in 8 months. Nothing fits me. I'm ashamed. I tried working out and I can't. Literally I feel like I'm dying. sigh.

How do you find the motivation, when everything leads to frustration and hopelessness?