How to get in the right mindset for weight loss?
eriellegonzalez01
Posts: 33 Member
Alright, so I've been struggling with weight loss since middle school, and as of right now, I'm a junior in University.
I am at the highest weight I've ever been right now, and I really want to lose weight so I've started thinking about all my past attempts at weight loss, and I've come to the conclusion that it's not just about eating healthy and exercising — you have to be positive and a non-toxic mind in order to really go though with weight loss successfully.
And that's my problem.
I absolutely hate myself.
So much, that I haven't looked in the mirror in so long. I feel like I was bullied into submission in middle school. Before, middle school, I was fine. I never had a negative thought, but after 3 years of torment, I just... learned to hate myself and started agreeing with what everyone said. Whenever someone calls me 'beautiful' or 'pretty', I freak out and accuse them of lying or saying that to be polite or to make me feel better.
Anyway, I want to get better, but I have no idea how. I've become a binge eater because of my past (and family issues too) and I heard Yoga helps with the mind, so I'm starting to do that and I hope it helps, but it kinda sounds too good to be true...
I am at the highest weight I've ever been right now, and I really want to lose weight so I've started thinking about all my past attempts at weight loss, and I've come to the conclusion that it's not just about eating healthy and exercising — you have to be positive and a non-toxic mind in order to really go though with weight loss successfully.
And that's my problem.
I absolutely hate myself.
So much, that I haven't looked in the mirror in so long. I feel like I was bullied into submission in middle school. Before, middle school, I was fine. I never had a negative thought, but after 3 years of torment, I just... learned to hate myself and started agreeing with what everyone said. Whenever someone calls me 'beautiful' or 'pretty', I freak out and accuse them of lying or saying that to be polite or to make me feel better.
Anyway, I want to get better, but I have no idea how. I've become a binge eater because of my past (and family issues too) and I heard Yoga helps with the mind, so I'm starting to do that and I hope it helps, but it kinda sounds too good to be true...
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Replies
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Does your university have a counseling center or other mental health support? I would recommend making an appointment to talk with them about your body image, binge eating, and the past concerns/family issues that are affecting you. Yoga is good, but it doesn't solve every problem. Sometimes we all just need the advice of a professional.13
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@apullum
I have tried going to my University Counseling Center, but when I had gone for the first time and set up an appointment for the next, it always took them months for them to see me again, or they kept rescheduling, so I just stopped going all together.3 -
eriellegonzalez01 wrote: »@apullum
I have tried going to my University Counseling Center, but when I had gone for the first time and set up an appointment for the next, it always took them months for them to see me again, or they kept rescheduling, so I just stopped going all together.
Are you able to see a therapist off campus?2 -
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@apullum
Perhaps. I currently live in a small college town, so I don't think I'll find anything here, but Austin is 30 mins away from where I am. Maybe, I'll go somewhere there.0 -
In my opinion for me mindset is everything. I literally tried to lose weight so many times and failed because my mindset wasn’t in a place of self love. You have to learn to love your body no matter what size you are. When you truly love your body you will want to fual that body with healthy food 💕
I have been going to counseling twice a week and also been practicing yoga 5 days a week.
It takes time.8 -
eriellegonzalez01 wrote: »@apullum
Perhaps. I currently live in a small college town, so I don't think I'll find anything here, but Austin is 30 mins away from where I am. Maybe, I'll go somewhere there.
There may be other services at your counseling center besides formal one on one appointments—for example, group counseling sessions with others who are dealing with similar things and can support one another. When I was in grad school, I went to a meditation and relaxation group at the counseling center to help with my anxiety.
The counseling center may be able to give you the names of local off campus therapists. College towns will hopefully have basic mental health services. (I’m a professor, so I’ve been in some college towns
) I think it’s worth looking into. You don’t have to figure these issues out on your own. 6 -
You should totally read : You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life. I think it will help you realize how great you are, and help you with self love affirmations. I think you are starting at the right place, and getting things off your chest. Take it day by day...baby steps.
Were all here for you if you need support. 2 -
Hating yourself is never normal or healthy.
Everything about weight loss is really self-care. It’s about loving yourself enough to start treating your body right with good diet and exercise. I definitely second the suggestion of therapy.
Additionally, it’s helpful to make small changes. You can’t overhaul your lifestyle overnight, it’s too overwhelming. I would start with counting calories but you could also just start by making yoga a part of your routine - it’s great for relaxation, mindfulness, de-stressing and a good opportunity to meet people who will probably be supportive of your weight loss journey.6 -
@Running2Fit
Yeah, I figured.
I wish I wasn't this way, you know?
But, I'm going to try Yoga and just see where that takes me...
Though, I tried going to a yoga class on my own once a week ago, and I couldn't even make it inside without panicking and running off. I have such a low self-esteem. I saw mirrors and thin people and just scrammed.
I had a friend come with me after that, but I wonder if I'm going to be dependent on her forever...5 -
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eriellegonzalez01 wrote: »@Running2Fit
Yeah, I figured.
I wish I wasn't this way, you know?
But, I'm going to try Yoga and just see where that takes me...
Though, I tried going to a yoga class on my own once a week ago, and I couldn't even make it inside without panicking and running off. I have such a low self-esteem. I saw mirrors and thin people and just scrammed.
I had a friend come with me after that, but I wonder if I'm going to be dependent on her forever...
Yoga has helped me to love and accept myself. Therapy has also helped immensely. Ideally, find a great therapist and do yoga. Be patient and kind to yourself. Find friends who accept you. Treat yourself well with healthy food and exercise. Good luck!2 -
@apullum
Thank You.
Yes, there's group counseling, but I don't know. It sounds very nerve wrecking to me. I'm very anti-social, but I will definitely ask them about other local therapists. I can't believe that didn't cross my mind.2 -
@MeganReid1991
I wish I was more patient. When I don't see results immediately, I freak out and get so depressed.
Especially since I've been struggling for years.
But yes, my University offers yoga 4 times a week, so I'll dip my toes in and try it out for awhile. I went to one session and it was nice. I slept well that night. As for counseling, I'll look into it.
I really do want to get better...3 -
@ItsAJourny
Thank You! ❤️0 -
Trust me I get it I’ve been overweight sense I had my daughter and that was 8 years ago. But sense June I’ve lost 23 pounds.
Go slow.. remember as long as your not gaining your doing great! Work on eating lots of fruit and vegetables drinking lots of water. Only aim for half a pound a week. Don’t go too quickly. Don’t feel bad for eating ice cream or a treat now and then that’s perfectly okay!
Be gentle with yourself ❤️
This will not be a quick journey this will be a long journey but it’s going to be worth it.
It doesn’t matter if it takes you 6 month or 6 years to lose this weight.
I know that’s hard to get across sometimes but work on being happy and not skinny.6 -
eriellegonzalez01 wrote: »@apullum
Thank You.
Yes, there's group counseling, but I don't know. It sounds very nerve wrecking to me. I'm very anti-social, but I will definitely ask them about other local therapists. I can't believe that didn't cross my mind.
I think it’s understandable to feel nervous about joining a group, especially a group that discusses difficult personal things. It’s not for everyone. But, sometimes it can be good to meet others who are going through similar things as you are and can relate to you. It can help with understanding that you aren’t alone. If you try it and it’s not for you, then you don’t have to keep going.2 -
@MeganReid1991
Thank You. ❤️0 -
@apullum
We'll see. I'm still not sure — I'll have to give it some thought.0 -
I just want to say you are worthy, beautiful, and capable, of anything YOU decide. Don’t let anyone take that power away from you.
And you’re right- it does start in your mind first. What you believe you achieve.5 -
Hi OP,
I hope you don't mind the perspective of a guy who has a daughter that has been through exactly what you're describing.
So often, so many people that we see every day seem to "Have it together", and that simply isn't the case. Bullies moreso than anyone else. Younger men, and especially women, have some of the most ridiculous and unrealistic expectations laid on them, ever. Men have to be this way, women have to look this way - It's all BS, it really is.
My daughter is short, and rather thick, and that is ALL that she could see. She couldn't see how physically strong she is, or how open and honest and compassionate she is, or a hundred other things.
-Keep in touch with the women here, because quite frankly I think women will/can be more empathetic than men.
-Give yourself permission to look in the mirror and be ok with who you see. Hint: Who you see is not who others are telling you you are.
For what it's worth - I'm 59 and still think I'm funny looking. I make jokes about it, drives my wife crazy LOL but I am who I am and that's ok.
Hang in there, one day at a time and don't quit on yourself. One day you'll be posting here helping another young woman 11 -
@Phirrgus
Thank You for telling me about your daughter. Sometimes I forget I'm not the only one going through this kind of thing.
It just seems like everyone I encounter seems so... normal. Like, there's nothing wrong in the world — especially thin people.
As for the mirror thing, I looked into it for the first time in forever this morning, and I actually smiled. 🙂11 -
@msalicia07
Thank You for the support. ❤️2 -
eriellegonzalez01 wrote: »@Phirrgus
Thank You for telling me about your daughter. Sometimes I forget I'm not the only one going through this kind of thing.
It just seems like everyone I encounter seems so... normal. Like, there's nothing wrong in the world — especially thin people.
As for the mirror thing, I looked into it for the first time in forever this morning, and I actually smiled. 🙂
You're welcome. Don't forget that just because others are going through it that doesn't make your instance any less important. And thank you for telling me about smiling in the mirror. That's awesome. You'll get this 😉3 -
eriellegonzalez01 wrote: »@apullum
Perhaps. I currently live in a small college town, so I don't think I'll find anything here, but Austin is 30 mins away from where I am. Maybe, I'll go somewhere there.
do you have health insurance, or are you covered on your parents' plan? there may be coverage available to help you get some mental health counseling.
your self image does start with your acceptance of yourself. One day at a time, even one hour at a time , might be how you have to start, but embrace the successes even when they seem little. it all adds up.
good luck.3 -
I have struggled with this as well. Kids (and sometimes adults) don’t really think about how they can affect you and trigger you with their comments. I have particularly struggled with like you said - if someone gives you a compliment, you just don’t believe them. I stuggle to this day - no matter what someone compliments me about, i always find something wrong with it. Even recently someone said - oh you have nice hair. My response was oh no its not, my ends are dry. Like wtf, i was thinking after that, why couldn’t I just say oh thank you! And thats to do with my hair! Lets not even talk about if someone says you are beautiful - its very difficult to accept that compliment when you have a bad image of yourself.
I honestly don’t have an answer of how you can feel better, other than - just spend more time on things that make you feel good about yourself. Just do more of it, because I know how bad the cycle of “i just don’t care” is - I have been stuck on it so many times. And the only thing that helps me is if I just have a bit more ‘me’ time and spend some more time on myself rather than just ignore what I look like and hide my emotions, eating crappy food.
Feel free to frend request me if you like! Hugs Xx3 -
Have you looked into OA (Overeaters Anonymous). You can find all sorts of info including where local meetings are online. There are also online and phone meetings and phone sponsors. Check out their webpage.1
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I’m going to make a crazy suggestion. How about you focus on maintaining your weight for now. Just stop and don’t gain any more. Then, when you’re ready, take the leap. Listen to the podcast Half Size Me.7
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I’m going to make a crazy suggestion. How about you focus on maintaining your weight for now. Just stop and don’t gain any more. Then, when you’re ready, take the leap. Listen to the podcast Half Size Me.
I am actually going to suggest the same thing. Listening to Half Size Me podcast and WhysAdvice (FatDag) podcast have been game changers for my mindset. Each for different reasons.3
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